Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Thanks for the pleasure of reading another fine chapter, and the inclusion of the baseball game description which was spot on and proved that you are probably knowledgeable fan. Great job. :-)

Mr. Sooner jumped so high, he nearly fell off the bleache(r)s. (I'm sure you probably have already fixed this, but just wanted to point it out in case.)

 Comment Written 29-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Thank you very much, Ric. I made that correction. And yes, I am a fan. GO ORIOLES! Smile.

Comment from Donovan

Excellent

Obviously you write well. The story moves and it is reasonably easy to follow. Not being a fan of the genre, not familiar with all the ins and outs, but still I found it intriguing and the storyline is solid. I think your characters have personalities and are well developed. I think you do well.

 Comment Written 29-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Thank you, Donovan for this fine review. I really appreciate it.

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

Another great chapter, Amahra - my heart
goes out to the child whose life's blood
is to be taken for the survival of the wolf pack.


Mid-April - connect

Get this[,](;) silver nitrate kills werewolves deader than a doornail." - needs semi-colan to connect.

Margaret

 Comment Written 29-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Thank you very much. I'll make that correction.

Comment from BreeVree

Excellent

Really good writing, kept my interest. I would remove the italicised line telling us it was several hours later, it's not necessary.
In terms of flow, you have a massive explanation of the baseball game, then four days go by extremely quickly. I would flesh the part out about Russell's parents reaction over time more.
Lovely work, well done.

 Comment Written 29-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Thank you so much for your review and suggestions.

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

Your change of scenes from the Little League game to the boy being missing and held by Jewel as a ceremonial piece was smoothly written. Makes the reader want to continue with your story to see what happens. Holds interest well. Write on.

 Comment Written 29-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Thank you so much for your kind review. I really appreciate it.

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

This is a spend off of the silver bullet but according to theory, it will word. It looks as if Rusty will have a long life as a werewolf. The question is "Will Jewel succeed?"

 Comment Written 29-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Thank you, Charlie. I'll make sure she does, smile. About the silver bullets. Silver is very expensive, so I went with nitrate.

reply by c_lucas on 29-Mar-2015

You're welcome, Amahra. Charlie

Comment from davisr (Rhonda)

Excellent

This is getting more and more exciting. You captured the whole array of emotions that parents would be going through when a child has been abducted. You also showed how the child had fought back, which is authentic.
One problem, and I'm not sure if I'm right on it, so you might want to check it out, but you mentioned, The Crow, and I'm not sure you can do that as he is probably a copyrighted figure.
Looking forward to the sequel!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 29-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Thank you for reading and for this nice review. I never knew you had to have permission just to mention a well known character. But I'll check it out.

reply by davisr (Rhonda) on 29-Mar-2015

I have avoided it, myself, and you can use business names as long as it is in a positive way. Again, I don't know the real rules, but plagiarism is a slippery slope, and I try to avoid it.