Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Blood Moon/Part 1"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
27 total reviews
Comment from marijmd
Great cliff hanger ending on this one!
You leave the reader so worried for the poor child - and the outcome of this ritual and its effect on so many to live a "kinda" normal life.
:) Maria
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Great cliff hanger ending on this one!
You leave the reader so worried for the poor child - and the outcome of this ritual and its effect on so many to live a "kinda" normal life.
:) Maria
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Maria.
Comment from country ranch writer
THEY GOING TO TUN HIM INTO ONE OF THERE OR SACRIFICE HIM?DON'T SEEM TO IN HIS FAVOR RIGHT NOW. WONDER WHAT IS IN SROE FOR THEM NEXT
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reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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THEY GOING TO TUN HIM INTO ONE OF THERE OR SACRIFICE HIM?DON'T SEEM TO IN HIS FAVOR RIGHT NOW. WONDER WHAT IS IN SROE FOR THEM NEXT
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Keep wondering.
Comment from Jay Squires
he nearly fell off the bleaches.[... off the BLEACHERS. >> Sorry it has taken so long to get to this. I had company and it threw me behind. I'm sure my catches will have already been spotted and corrected.]
name-calling aimed at the empire by the guest crowd, [... aimed at the UMPIRE...]
So, it looks like Russell Sooner has been kidnapped. This is an interesting twist. After I read the first two paragraphs I had to go back to check y our name. Thought maybe you were starting a new series.
Good story, Ama
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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he nearly fell off the bleaches.[... off the BLEACHERS. >> Sorry it has taken so long to get to this. I had company and it threw me behind. I'm sure my catches will have already been spotted and corrected.]
name-calling aimed at the empire by the guest crowd, [... aimed at the UMPIRE...]
So, it looks like Russell Sooner has been kidnapped. This is an interesting twist. After I read the first two paragraphs I had to go back to check y our name. Thought maybe you were starting a new series.
Good story, Ama
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Jay. And you're right; these sprags were corrected hours ago. No, I'm not brilliant like some of you guys; I can't write and post two and three books at once. LOL Oh, and Jay, check back next time when you read half of me then go to dinner. LOL I'm kidding.
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I know you were just kidding, but sometimes ones plans for the day go awry with the entrance of one variable ... i.e., company.
Comment from sharonmealler
THIS IS GREAT. I DIDN'T SEE ANY ERRORS AND IT WAS VERY CAPTIVATING. I'M GOING TO HOLD MY BREATH AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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THIS IS GREAT. I DIDN'T SEE ANY ERRORS AND IT WAS VERY CAPTIVATING. I'M GOING TO HOLD MY BREATH AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Harriett. Wonderful addition to your novel, my friend. Fine imagery like this one: "The wound on his neck had begun to fester. His baseball uniform was replaced with a white ceremonial garment which was drenched with the sweat from his fever."
The plot is moving along very nicely, too.
Suggestions: Perhaps, just from a standpoint of sounding more natural I would say "Winter coats or clothing instead of "garments" (sounds a bit stuffy, if you know what I mean)
And: "Todd shot a low pitch that the catcher had to practically scoop out of the dirt. (Todd threw or hurled a pitch low and inside that caused the catcher to scoop it out of the dirt.)
Good job overall, Harriet. Blessings. Bob
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Hi, Harriett. Wonderful addition to your novel, my friend. Fine imagery like this one: "The wound on his neck had begun to fester. His baseball uniform was replaced with a white ceremonial garment which was drenched with the sweat from his fever."
The plot is moving along very nicely, too.
Suggestions: Perhaps, just from a standpoint of sounding more natural I would say "Winter coats or clothing instead of "garments" (sounds a bit stuffy, if you know what I mean)
And: "Todd shot a low pitch that the catcher had to practically scoop out of the dirt. (Todd threw or hurled a pitch low and inside that caused the catcher to scoop it out of the dirt.)
Good job overall, Harriet. Blessings. Bob
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Bob. I don't know what I was thinking; clothing does sound better. LOL The latter, I'll read it over a few times and see. There is more action in this chapter, but it would have been too long. So, I had to cut it off. Thanks for sticking with the book.
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I'm right there with you all the way, Harriett. :) Bob
Comment from TOMORAL
Oh, this is a thriller chiller and leaves one looking out the window through the woods. Eager to read the next to see what happens to poor Russell. Great cliff hanger.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Oh, this is a thriller chiller and leaves one looking out the window through the woods. Eager to read the next to see what happens to poor Russell. Great cliff hanger.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, TOMORAL.
Comment from royowen
What a horrible way to solve the problem of curing werewolves of what ails them, the blood of an innocent child, what if he dies? what if it doesn't work? What if the witch high council catch them? Well done, Amahra, a fascinating episode, where to from here? And the Sheriff has been sent a whole heap of stuff, including silver nitrate to help in the war against the werewolves, well done, blessings, Roy. Spag:- Aimed at the (empire) umpire?
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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What a horrible way to solve the problem of curing werewolves of what ails them, the blood of an innocent child, what if he dies? what if it doesn't work? What if the witch high council catch them? Well done, Amahra, a fascinating episode, where to from here? And the Sheriff has been sent a whole heap of stuff, including silver nitrate to help in the war against the werewolves, well done, blessings, Roy. Spag:- Aimed at the (empire) umpire?
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Wow, thank you, Roy, for catching that sprag. And thank you for the stars and the great review.
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My pleasure, Amahra
Comment from Jacob Collins
Well you certainly sent a chill up my spine with that ending. You have left me wondering what on earth they are going to do to the boy. I thought that this was an enjoyable piece of writing, I thought that you wrote the excitement and thrill of the baseball game well and then the desperation to find the boy alive. I certainly want to find out what happens next. I couldn't find anything to critique. Thanks for sharing...Jacob
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Well you certainly sent a chill up my spine with that ending. You have left me wondering what on earth they are going to do to the boy. I thought that this was an enjoyable piece of writing, I thought that you wrote the excitement and thrill of the baseball game well and then the desperation to find the boy alive. I certainly want to find out what happens next. I couldn't find anything to critique. Thanks for sharing...Jacob
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much, Jacob. This is an awesome review. I sincerely hope you keep interested in this book.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Oh, no. You build a lot of tension and sympathy for Russell in the first half which makes his imminent fate all that more horrifying, Amahra. I'm impressed with the research on the silver nitrate. An excellent chapter, my friend.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Oh, no. You build a lot of tension and sympathy for Russell in the first half which makes his imminent fate all that more horrifying, Amahra. I'm impressed with the research on the silver nitrate. An excellent chapter, my friend.
:) Bev
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much, Bev, particularly for noticing my little research. Smile! And thank you for the stars.
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You're very welcome! :)
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi amahra,
Sounds to me as if their 'last best hope' for a cure may already be to poisonous to work, with a festering wound and fever? His blood could be just what they don't need in their brew - and silver nitrate is nasty in the bloodstream, werewolf or not.
Good chapter, you build the tension well. One suggestion, you could give the reader the actual 'capture' of Russell Sooner rather than a 'recap' as he lays ill.
Patrick
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Hi amahra,
Sounds to me as if their 'last best hope' for a cure may already be to poisonous to work, with a festering wound and fever? His blood could be just what they don't need in their brew - and silver nitrate is nasty in the bloodstream, werewolf or not.
Good chapter, you build the tension well. One suggestion, you could give the reader the actual 'capture' of Russell Sooner rather than a 'recap' as he lays ill.
Patrick
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Partrick for this review and for the suggestion.
