Eleanor Rigby
Short Story42 total reviews
Comment from SimplyK
A clever response to the prompt and an apt use of the Beatles original words at the end. The resonance of the lonely people perhaps streaming from families/parents where they weren't cared for is strong.
However, I don't feel he is truly bitter, more resigned. That is the tone I pick up, more world weary than anything.
I have a little quibble. I didn't feel that this line 'So, I've lit a candle.' fit with the rest of the narrators voice. None of his other constructions were ungrammatical, so it stood out. Nonetheless, this was a strong piece, poetic, and I wish you well with it.
All blessings
K
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A clever response to the prompt and an apt use of the Beatles original words at the end. The resonance of the lonely people perhaps streaming from families/parents where they weren't cared for is strong.
However, I don't feel he is truly bitter, more resigned. That is the tone I pick up, more world weary than anything.
I have a little quibble. I didn't feel that this line 'So, I've lit a candle.' fit with the rest of the narrators voice. None of his other constructions were ungrammatical, so it stood out. Nonetheless, this was a strong piece, poetic, and I wish you well with it.
All blessings
K
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
Comment from alexisleech
Wonderful! I was twelve when Eleanor Rigby was released, and I remember it well. Such wonderful lyrics that not only depicted the times of empty churches, but the loneliness of a drunken alcoholic who nobody cared about.
This entry has to be a winner. Well done!
Alexis x
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Wonderful! I was twelve when Eleanor Rigby was released, and I remember it well. Such wonderful lyrics that not only depicted the times of empty churches, but the loneliness of a drunken alcoholic who nobody cared about.
This entry has to be a winner. Well done!
Alexis x
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Mikey,
An interesting response to the prompt. A new interpretation of the song. So much unsaid in the piece for the reader to draw out for themselves. I like this element. Very sad, and poignant. Not just cold towards his mother, it seems.
GMG
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Hi Mikey,
An interesting response to the prompt. A new interpretation of the song. So much unsaid in the piece for the reader to draw out for themselves. I like this element. Very sad, and poignant. Not just cold towards his mother, it seems.
GMG
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
Comment from Jacob Collins
Even if a person was horrible in their lifetime everyone seems to find something nice to say about them at their funeral which I have always found strange. A well written piece, michael, I couldn't find any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
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Even if a person was horrible in their lifetime everyone seems to find something nice to say about them at their funeral which I have always found strange. A well written piece, michael, I couldn't find any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
Comment from mfowler
Hi, fellow Eleanor Rigby fan.
This is great. You, the voice, are the son returning to remember Eleanor Rigby, the alcoholic mother who's left you a bitter and lonely soul, after she's died. The minister/priest is Father MacKenzie and so we have the story of the song played out in a completly different way. I like the candle metaphor at the beginning; gave it an eerie, religious and melancholy feel, as this story should. Loved your closing using the song words to support. An excellent read.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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Hi, fellow Eleanor Rigby fan.
This is great. You, the voice, are the son returning to remember Eleanor Rigby, the alcoholic mother who's left you a bitter and lonely soul, after she's died. The minister/priest is Father MacKenzie and so we have the story of the song played out in a completly different way. I like the candle metaphor at the beginning; gave it an eerie, religious and melancholy feel, as this story should. Loved your closing using the song words to support. An excellent read.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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I'm so pleased you liked this. This is one I liked myself which is rare for me. One of my favorite Beatle songs. We used to do a loooooong four part harmony take on it in a band I was in waaaaay back in another lifetime. By the way, I noticed your piece in the African haiku thing is entered twice. You might want to check with Mr. Tom. I always think of "ground control to Major Tom" when I hear his name. :) mikey
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It's an anomally. Major Tom gave me back the money that he pinched for letting such a technical glitch occur. It shouldn't be an issue but I' hoping it doesn't split my vote. 0.5 each.
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I'll let you know what it looks like in the booth. Aren't you able to delete one of them? Or, perhaps Major Tom can do it. Or is he sitting in a tin can....
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He said it was taken care of, so I don't know what else to do.
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It's just there once now. Those astronauts are amazing!
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Do you think they're tapping into our communication? Maybe Ziggy Stardust has joined the team.
Comment from krys123
+ Picture is very effective, relative, appropriate and quite complementary to the writing .
+ Imagination is very gifted along with your resource fullness as it's very inventive and ingeniously creative.
+ Imagery is almost beyond words as it is beautifully expressive and indeed vividly descriptive throughout the writing. As it explains why the person went to his life the way he did and is now burning a candle where he won't be suffering as it's going out. Which I thought was unique as it explains his true feelings about the person who is dead,
+ poetic assessment: I truly enjoyed this writing because of its very well written words of wisdom about how people really feel about people who die when those people have mistreated them in so many ways.
+ Good luck in the contest Mikey and may the good Lord be with you always my dear friend.
Alex
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+ Picture is very effective, relative, appropriate and quite complementary to the writing .
+ Imagination is very gifted along with your resource fullness as it's very inventive and ingeniously creative.
+ Imagery is almost beyond words as it is beautifully expressive and indeed vividly descriptive throughout the writing. As it explains why the person went to his life the way he did and is now burning a candle where he won't be suffering as it's going out. Which I thought was unique as it explains his true feelings about the person who is dead,
+ poetic assessment: I truly enjoyed this writing because of its very well written words of wisdom about how people really feel about people who die when those people have mistreated them in so many ways.
+ Good luck in the contest Mikey and may the good Lord be with you always my dear friend.
Alex
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
Comment from Deborah Marie
Nice story paired well with artwork. Lite and airy read due to wonderful progression, rhythm and flow. Clever use of descriptive wording producing impressive imagery throughout. Thanks for sharing and keep 'em coming. God Bless, Deb
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Nice story paired well with artwork. Lite and airy read due to wonderful progression, rhythm and flow. Clever use of descriptive wording producing impressive imagery throughout. Thanks for sharing and keep 'em coming. God Bless, Deb
Comment Written 19-Mar-2015
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh cute, cute, cute.
Nicely done and such a wonderful story for the song.
Just as if you wrote it.
No problems did I see and nicely told.
Believable
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Oh cute, cute, cute.
Nicely done and such a wonderful story for the song.
Just as if you wrote it.
No problems did I see and nicely told.
Believable
Comment Written 19-Mar-2015
Comment from Sankey
Good poem old mate. I felt like you were quite disappointed with your Mum. You never got a fair go with her as we would say Down Under. Wish you well in the competition.
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Good poem old mate. I felt like you were quite disappointed with your Mum. You never got a fair go with her as we would say Down Under. Wish you well in the competition.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2015
Comment from pattipac
Michael, You certainly did this song about Eleanor Rigby justice in this writing about a child joins other lonely people to light a candle for someone they can[t stand.
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Michael, You certainly did this song about Eleanor Rigby justice in this writing about a child joins other lonely people to light a candle for someone they can[t stand.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2015
