Let's Talk Dirty!
Viewing comments for Chapter 57 "St Valentines Part Two"The story about three women who need to make money
14 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
'Ah, isn't it lovely,' Michelle gasped, when she saw it over Karen's shoulder when she brought through a pile of empty plates. 'I can't wait to see the girl's face when she finds it.' (...shoulder 'as' she brought through a pile of empty plates. I can't wait to see the girl's face 'once' she finds it.' Taking out a couple whens and adding some different words.)
were keeping warm in a Bain Marie in the oven, as was her Tart Tartan. (I have no idea who Bain Marie is or what a Tart Tartan is, but the two Tart/Tarte's were spelled differently. Google says it's 'Tarte' and it's French, so there, now I've learned how to spell it anyway!!)
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I had a feeling there'd be a mix up with the rings.... though I didn't think it would be discovered till the ladies were finding them. :-)
Love it!
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2015
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'Ah, isn't it lovely,' Michelle gasped, when she saw it over Karen's shoulder when she brought through a pile of empty plates. 'I can't wait to see the girl's face when she finds it.' (...shoulder 'as' she brought through a pile of empty plates. I can't wait to see the girl's face 'once' she finds it.' Taking out a couple whens and adding some different words.)
were keeping warm in a Bain Marie in the oven, as was her Tart Tartan. (I have no idea who Bain Marie is or what a Tart Tartan is, but the two Tart/Tarte's were spelled differently. Google says it's 'Tarte' and it's French, so there, now I've learned how to spell it anyway!!)
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I had a feeling there'd be a mix up with the rings.... though I didn't think it would be discovered till the ladies were finding them. :-)
Love it!
Comment Written 21-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2015
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Great suggestions, Sue. Don't worry about the mix up. Even I got confused as to what went wrong in the end. I'll lay the blame on Karen for the moment though! If it becomes a film, I'll let someone else work it out! Hugs for the six, each and every one means a lot. Alexis xxx
Comment from Cat of Letters
Hi Alexis,
This is a great idea, re the ring mix up. See comments in last review. You really need to reread all this carefully, when you have time to revise. You need to make sure this chapter and the next one go like clockwork.
This is very good and very funny. But you can bring it out more, I am sure.
Points:
went out really smoothy, cut the really.
The second sentence after above is far too long. You need to rework it.
I had trouble finding which chapter I missed, and I am not on Classic FS right now, so I cannot review you with the slilding thing. So it is difficult for me to suggests ways to divide this up. But you need to.
diners started arriving - started to arrive
in one sitting - at one sitting
, (comma) WHICH Michelle had just sprinkled with . . .
Karen declared, (comma) when M confirmed . . .
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I like the way the moment the heat goes off this cooking bun fight the ring thing breaks out.
Would someone REALLY think of buying plastic ring boxes to put in desserts? I ask you this. But presumably you have been or know people in the catering trade. If you are going to use this you need to explicate a bit. 'Due to her past experience . . .blah, blah.
Because you are damn right, enough people have swallowed, or broken their crowns on sixpences or whatever it is they now put in Xmas puddings. Expand. You can make this funny. References her prior experience with someone swallowing a sixpence or something.
Mr. Turner - this Mr Mrs and the . thing again Mr. Adam too
isn't it lovely M gasped (comma) when . . . another comma, change the next when to as
must have cost a fortune, ' (not period)
As long as she does not have the chocolate . ..
As as - Change to Provided she doesn't order
none left is she did. cut 'if she did'
to try and talk the g/f out of the souffle
to try TO talk . . .
the ring boxES are in . . . the left hand . . .
Glad you are having another productive run, Alexis.
Cheers, Alison
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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Hi Alexis,
This is a great idea, re the ring mix up. See comments in last review. You really need to reread all this carefully, when you have time to revise. You need to make sure this chapter and the next one go like clockwork.
This is very good and very funny. But you can bring it out more, I am sure.
Points:
went out really smoothy, cut the really.
The second sentence after above is far too long. You need to rework it.
I had trouble finding which chapter I missed, and I am not on Classic FS right now, so I cannot review you with the slilding thing. So it is difficult for me to suggests ways to divide this up. But you need to.
diners started arriving - started to arrive
in one sitting - at one sitting
, (comma) WHICH Michelle had just sprinkled with . . .
Karen declared, (comma) when M confirmed . . .
__
I like the way the moment the heat goes off this cooking bun fight the ring thing breaks out.
Would someone REALLY think of buying plastic ring boxes to put in desserts? I ask you this. But presumably you have been or know people in the catering trade. If you are going to use this you need to explicate a bit. 'Due to her past experience . . .blah, blah.
Because you are damn right, enough people have swallowed, or broken their crowns on sixpences or whatever it is they now put in Xmas puddings. Expand. You can make this funny. References her prior experience with someone swallowing a sixpence or something.
Mr. Turner - this Mr Mrs and the . thing again Mr. Adam too
isn't it lovely M gasped (comma) when . . . another comma, change the next when to as
must have cost a fortune, ' (not period)
As long as she does not have the chocolate . ..
As as - Change to Provided she doesn't order
none left is she did. cut 'if she did'
to try and talk the g/f out of the souffle
to try TO talk . . .
the ring boxES are in . . . the left hand . . .
Glad you are having another productive run, Alexis.
Cheers, Alison
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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Fantastic suggestions, as always! Thank you my friend. I know I can always depend on you. Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
I kind of thought you might throw that twist in there. I mean how many times has that happened? But I bet you have a fun and entertaining way of fixing the ring situation.
Great chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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I kind of thought you might throw that twist in there. I mean how many times has that happened? But I bet you have a fun and entertaining way of fixing the ring situation.
Great chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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Hopefully you liked the solution to the problem. Letting Karen have a perfect evening was too predictable, so I enjoyed putting a spanner in the works! Alexis x
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It was PERFECT! You're such a great writer!!
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Oh, my! I hope they can switch them in time. They should have been labeled on the bottoms of the dishes/bowls the dessert was in. See what happens when I take a day off? I should have been here to tell them! LOL! :)
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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Oh, my! I hope they can switch them in time. They should have been labeled on the bottoms of the dishes/bowls the dessert was in. See what happens when I take a day off? I should have been here to tell them! LOL! :)
Comment Written 18-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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Lol, soooo good to have you back! Yes, it was fairly predictable that they were going to get mixed up, but I couldn't let Karen's first big night go smoothly, could I? Alexis x
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
meringue nests with strawberries and mascarpone cream - yummy - my favourite, but I'm no longer allowed to have sugary things because of SD
Everything was going so well - and oh dear - what now.. the rings have been taken to the wrong table.
Michelle told her.[.]
Margaret
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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meringue nests with strawberries and mascarpone cream - yummy - my favourite, but I'm no longer allowed to have sugary things because of SD
Everything was going so well - and oh dear - what now.. the rings have been taken to the wrong table.
Michelle told her.[.]
Margaret
Comment Written 17-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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He he, mine too! It was always the most popular dessert when I had weddings for up to 130 people at the hotel my husband and I ran. The only problem is, you have to make them up at the last minute, or the meringue goes soggy and the strawberries bleed into the mascarpone cream. Alexis x
Comment from adewpearl
you set the stage well
vivid detail of the frantic nature of the dining service as more customers arrive
you get into Karen's state of mind well
good dialogue that sounds realistic and conveys emotion well
I'm laughing at the mix up of delivering the wrong engagemet ring to the tables LOL Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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you set the stage well
vivid detail of the frantic nature of the dining service as more customers arrive
you get into Karen's state of mind well
good dialogue that sounds realistic and conveys emotion well
I'm laughing at the mix up of delivering the wrong engagemet ring to the tables LOL Brooke :-)
Comment Written 17-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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I spent a good hour searching Google for disastrous wedding proposals in restaurants, and came up with nothing. I know it was a bit predictable, but it was the best idea I could come up with! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Alexis x
Comment from Walu Feral
Hahahaha! G'day Alexis, well wouldn't that just have to do your head in, I'd be flying through the room and diving on the table, while yelling, NO! DON"T EAT THAT! LOL. That was another very enjoyable chapter and I have to go and have dinner now. Ah shit! I just remembered the 17th is our aniversary, oops! Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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Hahahaha! G'day Alexis, well wouldn't that just have to do your head in, I'd be flying through the room and diving on the table, while yelling, NO! DON"T EAT THAT! LOL. That was another very enjoyable chapter and I have to go and have dinner now. Ah shit! I just remembered the 17th is our aniversary, oops! Cheers Fez
Comment Written 17-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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LOL, and I can just imagine you doing exactly that! I spent a good hour searching Google for disastrous wedding proposals in restaurants, and came up with nothing. I know it was a bit predictable, but it was the best idea I could come up with! Alexis x
Comment from Cindy Warren
I knew something had to go wrong, but I didn't guess what. I hope this can be fixed and both couples will have a story to tell for years to come. But how embarassing for Karen!
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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I knew something had to go wrong, but I didn't guess what. I hope this can be fixed and both couples will have a story to tell for years to come. But how embarassing for Karen!
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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I've just posted part three, so I look forward to hearing what you think! Alexis x
Comment from scongrove
WOW!!! What a delicious and suspenseful chapter! I'm so hungry reading about all the food Karen is serving :) I love the idea of putting the rings in the desert! Oh, I have always wanted that kind of romance! But OH NO! They got the rings mixed up ... CRAP! I'm on pins and needles now! Great chapter! Loved it!
Shana :)
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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WOW!!! What a delicious and suspenseful chapter! I'm so hungry reading about all the food Karen is serving :) I love the idea of putting the rings in the desert! Oh, I have always wanted that kind of romance! But OH NO! They got the rings mixed up ... CRAP! I'm on pins and needles now! Great chapter! Loved it!
Shana :)
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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Just posted part three, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you so much for the six--it made my day!
Alexis x
Comment from Spitfire
That was what I was afraid would happen when they got two orders so close to one another. I could visualize all that action in the kitchen. Excellent details.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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That was what I was afraid would happen when they got two orders so close to one another. I could visualize all that action in the kitchen. Excellent details.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now to the solution! Alexis x
