Comment from Jacob Collins

Excellent

An excellent piece of writing, rosehill. I imagine it must be awful for those who have lost the ability to walk to just remain seated in their wheel chair, especially if they were once great dancers or maybe athletes. I thought that your writing flowed well and I couldn't find any faults. You did a great job at this...Jacob

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Thank you Jacob for taking time with my poem. - Wendy

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Rosehill,

Gorgeous artwork paired with your emotional poem. Aging can be crippling in many ways, mind, body, and spirit. You bring this out with great impact with this work.

Excellent job. Good luck in the contest.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Hi Jax, Thank you so much for peeking at my poem. I am so glad you enjoyed it. - Wendy

Comment from debskatz

Exceptional

Hi rosehill,

Such a beautiful poem! And getting caught up in dancing with Fred Astaire... LOVE IT!! All your rhymes are perfect and I'm really impressed with how you handled all the repeating verses. GREAT job!!

Thanks so much for sharing with us & good luck in the contest!

smiles,

deb

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Thanks you for the kind words and the "glowing" review. I guess I do like fighting with this form, but it does show my masochistic side. - Wendy

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

This has a definite chance of winning the competition , along with a couple of others I have reviewed.

Striking picture, and your words balance it well as not to be image strong and top heavy.

Great presentation. I wish you good luck.
Best wishes,
RG

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Hi there. Thanks so much for taking time from your own, beautiful, words to take a peek at mine. That and the good luck wish are much appreciated. - Wendy

Comment from juliesibs

Excellent

I got it right, I must be a fashionista. :o) This is a very well done Pantoum. Each verse compliments the one before. You wrote this with grace and style.

Great job, Julie

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015

Thanks so much for the read and review. I'm very glad that you enjoyed it.- Wendy

Comment from skye

Excellent

A wonderful poem of past and present. Fred Astaire, great dancer, brings the past, the gold lame dress, and the present is the girl who cannot leave the chair.
Excellent form, wonderful melancholy yet positive poem.
Well done.

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015

Thank you for the kind words in your review. It is much appreciated. - Wendy

Comment from MelB

Excellent

Good descriptive lines, good use of alliteration. Good flow throughout. I like the artwork. I like that she can sneer at age.

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015

Thanks for letting me know what you observed in the work. I appreciate the read and the review. - Wendy

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

solid rhymes in good English sonnet rhyming pattern
good use of steady iambic meter and enjambment so that you have a good cadence that flows from line to line
good touches of alliteration like in gown of gold and others
good descriptive detail
you convey the speaker's attitude most effectively
Brooke

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015

Thanks Brooke. The pantoum and I have such a love hate relationship. I usually end up with three or more versions as I try to get the puzzle to fit . But I do love a challenging puzzle. - Wendy

Comment from mountainwriter49

Excellent

Hi Wendy,

This is a superb entry for the Pantoum contest. I hope it places. The poem is poignant, very human, and resolves nicely. I liked 'can sneer at age, life's saboteur', and then the balanced equation 'although I cannot leave this chair.'

You've well captured the essence of reflecting back on life and all that was grand when we were in full hue. Only to be replaced by a face we don't recognize and to be confined to a chair. Loved the feel and sentiment of this poem.

Your iambic meter is spot-on except in the two lines with "petit Fleur. And that might be just how I'm trying to pronounce it. I seem to recall French class from WAY back in the last century with Petit being stressed on the second syllable. But whether it is or now, the poem flows beautifully.

I wish I had a six left in my star-box to award to this poem. Please accept a virtual six: * * * * * *

Well done my friend,and best of luck to you in the contest.
Ray

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015

Thanks so much Ray. I do appreciate the read and kind review. I accept your virtual six gratefully. Yes, the meter is a bit of a fudge, but it was so hard to come up with a rhyme for saboteur. ; ) - Wendy

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

We often have dreams and memories of the past that is no more but still stirs our hearts. Lovely imagery of a dancing girl and excellent rhyming. I spotted an error-it occurs three times, once in the title and then again in verses 4 and 5. It should read Petite Fleur (I speak fluent French). Fleur is feminine so the feminine form of petit is petite. Good luck in the contest. Faye

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015

Thanks so much for the read and thorough review. As to the French, yes I should have relied on the feminine rather than as a reference to the popular song of that era, Petit Fleur. The original version of the poem had no Fred Astaire, but clarinet notes climbing up the stair ( the instrument featured in that song) and gosh, doesn't everyone know that one from Karaoke night ? ;) - I will go in an fix it once the contest has ended. Much appreciated. - Wendy