If Your Spouse Is A Louse
If A Spouse Is A Louse Contest Submission12 total reviews
Comment from Linda Engel
Amen, sister. This sounds like a few guys I've dated. I say all the time When you've had enough you'll do something about it. Current hubby is a winner. I finally got it right. Took me a while to realize that when I was younger. Looking back I should have kick a few in ass on their way out the door.
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Amen, sister. This sounds like a few guys I've dated. I say all the time When you've had enough you'll do something about it. Current hubby is a winner. I finally got it right. Took me a while to realize that when I was younger. Looking back I should have kick a few in ass on their way out the door.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2015
Comment from rama devi
Clever response to the contest prompt! The rhymes are creative and effective too. I like how the IFs accumulate like a crescendo leading to the final IF in the closing stanza...with advice that rhymes, to boot! (pun intended).
Good format with two lines and the refrain; good choice to avoid most end-line punctuation. Works fine.
I chuckled at the fat and flat rhyme! Ha ha.
No nits or suggestions.
Good luck!
Warmly, rd
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Clever response to the contest prompt! The rhymes are creative and effective too. I like how the IFs accumulate like a crescendo leading to the final IF in the closing stanza...with advice that rhymes, to boot! (pun intended).
Good format with two lines and the refrain; good choice to avoid most end-line punctuation. Works fine.
I chuckled at the fat and flat rhyme! Ha ha.
No nits or suggestions.
Good luck!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
Comment from RYME4U
I love how you have presented this senryu The rhyme and rhythm flow along easily. The louse definitions are so true. Your word choices and subtle wit are well done.
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I love how you have presented this senryu The rhyme and rhythm flow along easily. The louse definitions are so true. Your word choices and subtle wit are well done.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2015
Comment from Judy Couch
Lots of ways to determine if he is a louse. It rhymes well and follows the guidelines of the prompt. I especially like the ending "you'll survive." Good job.
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Lots of ways to determine if he is a louse. It rhymes well and follows the guidelines of the prompt. I especially like the ending "you'll survive." Good job.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2015
Comment from JM
Great poem. Good emphasis of what a louse is. Great rhyme. I think you have made it quite clear of what to look in a "louse". Enjoyed the humor. Good luck in the contest.
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Great poem. Good emphasis of what a louse is. Great rhyme. I think you have made it quite clear of what to look in a "louse". Enjoyed the humor. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2015
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I totally agree with all you have said in your really good poem, if he is a louse...get rid of him. (or her!) Great contest entry, Good luck! xsx Sandra
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I totally agree with all you have said in your really good poem, if he is a louse...get rid of him. (or her!) Great contest entry, Good luck! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 05-Mar-2015
Comment from jclark
I wish I had a Six to rate this. Perfect contest entry. I really enjoyed the way you ended each stanza with the reference to the louse, which I read with a very specific tone of voice. Easy to read, flows smoothly and great picture choice. Best of luck. This is a winner. Kindly, Judy
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I wish I had a Six to rate this. Perfect contest entry. I really enjoyed the way you ended each stanza with the reference to the louse, which I read with a very specific tone of voice. Easy to read, flows smoothly and great picture choice. Best of luck. This is a winner. Kindly, Judy
Comment Written 05-Mar-2015
Comment from BeasPeas
A good one. Respect and appreciation for each other is where it's at!! May be best not get married and live in separate houses--just get together whenever.
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A good one. Respect and appreciation for each other is where it's at!! May be best not get married and live in separate houses--just get together whenever.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2015
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the poem. A louse will not be faithful. You do not need to share a spouse with his fellow louse. Lose him and bug spray. Great work.
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I love the poem. A louse will not be faithful. You do not need to share a spouse with his fellow louse. Lose him and bug spray. Great work.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2015
Comment from mauial
Great job with the contest. I like the way you list the things that can make a man a lousy spouse. The only thing missing was physical abuse on your list.
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Great job with the contest. I like the way you list the things that can make a man a lousy spouse. The only thing missing was physical abuse on your list.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
