The Stuntwoman
novel-page one23 total reviews
Comment from Judy Couch
This story has potential but it's a little hard to follow. You jump around from one idea to another without really building well on any of them. You might try starting with the part where the van is in flames and the cops and EMS have arrived. Try to build a little more emotion into it also.
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This story has potential but it's a little hard to follow. You jump around from one idea to another without really building well on any of them. You might try starting with the part where the van is in flames and the cops and EMS have arrived. Try to build a little more emotion into it also.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2015
Comment from DALLAS01
In just 500 words you have given the reader some fast furious action, a background that makes sense, and a strong evil character that makes one want to follow, to see if she gets away with it like her grandfather. She is definitely one bad seed.
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In just 500 words you have given the reader some fast furious action, a background that makes sense, and a strong evil character that makes one want to follow, to see if she gets away with it like her grandfather. She is definitely one bad seed.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2015
Comment from dmt1967
This is another story I hope the writer turns into a proper book. I was gripped from the word go and it kept my attention right up to the end. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
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This is another story I hope the writer turns into a proper book. I was gripped from the word go and it kept my attention right up to the end. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
Comment from Nosha17
A great page for the start of a thriller novel. Certainly eye-catching theme and story line and well presented. Your characters arouse interest and inspire one to read on. Couple of things as it is a contest: Para 1, delete comma after fifties and add comma before to be honest. Para 9, Now, lie down (lay is a transitive verb which requires an object, lie is intransitive) Good luck in the contest. Faye
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A great page for the start of a thriller novel. Certainly eye-catching theme and story line and well presented. Your characters arouse interest and inspire one to read on. Couple of things as it is a contest: Para 1, delete comma after fifties and add comma before to be honest. Para 9, Now, lie down (lay is a transitive verb which requires an object, lie is intransitive) Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A good beginning with plenty of details
about the characters backgrounds - which
draws the attention and made me feel I wanted more.....
good luck with the contest, Michael.
Margaret
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A good beginning with plenty of details
about the characters backgrounds - which
draws the attention and made me feel I wanted more.....
good luck with the contest, Michael.
Margaret
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh my goodness what a story to start and will the perpartator be found out.
Damn it would be good to know.
Very well written and a want to read. Good entry
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Oh my goodness what a story to start and will the perpartator be found out.
Damn it would be good to know.
Very well written and a want to read. Good entry
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
Comment from ravenblack
stuntman and serial killer, the cold, calculating voice of your narrator - yes, she is living up to grandpa's legacy. " not now, she's got to get... will you continue it please?
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stuntman and serial killer, the cold, calculating voice of your narrator - yes, she is living up to grandpa's legacy. " not now, she's got to get... will you continue it please?
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
Comment from CR Delport
Now that is an interesting start to the story. Are you only doing it for the contest? Anyway, it is very well written. Good luck.
Take care.
Christelle.
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Now that is an interesting start to the story. Are you only doing it for the contest? Anyway, it is very well written. Good luck.
Take care.
Christelle.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
Comment from nordicgirl
You have accomplished your mission and then some. A great character, a female serial killer with unusual skills. You have already enticed with interesting background on grandpa. All in 500 words with no lags at all. I do hope you follow up on this.
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You have accomplished your mission and then some. A great character, a female serial killer with unusual skills. You have already enticed with interesting background on grandpa. All in 500 words with no lags at all. I do hope you follow up on this.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
Comment from Zinnia48
Very compelling first page! you led me down the garden path, thinking that this was a movie stunt, when it was actually her own life! Apparently she has inherited her grandfather's sociopathic tendencies. Looking forward to the next installment. Caroline
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Very compelling first page! you led me down the garden path, thinking that this was a movie stunt, when it was actually her own life! Apparently she has inherited her grandfather's sociopathic tendencies. Looking forward to the next installment. Caroline
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
