The Rendezvous
A date going wrong41 total reviews
Comment from jpduck
The ending was certainly a surpise. But I'm not clear whether the blood was yours or Adrian's. I suspect probably yours.
A few SPAGs and typos (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'what a beautiful sight [that] met my eyes'
'and he had just swept me off my feet' (This is a severely over-used cliche. I suggest you try to find something else to replace it).
'so I *thought I'd* better dress practically' (You are writing this story in the past tense. This is present tense).
'warm jacket*.* [as] *Y*ou never kn*e*w how it would be (As written, this sentence is rather long and clumsy - better to split it into 2 sentences).
'I was looking forward to go*ing* out
Adrian (the other one!)
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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015
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The ending was certainly a surpise. But I'm not clear whether the blood was yours or Adrian's. I suspect probably yours.
A few SPAGs and typos (* *=insert; [ ]=delete):
'what a beautiful sight [that] met my eyes'
'and he had just swept me off my feet' (This is a severely over-used cliche. I suggest you try to find something else to replace it).
'so I *thought I'd* better dress practically' (You are writing this story in the past tense. This is present tense).
'warm jacket*.* [as] *Y*ou never kn*e*w how it would be (As written, this sentence is rather long and clumsy - better to split it into 2 sentences).
'I was looking forward to go*ing* out
Adrian (the other one!)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015
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Thanks a lot for a very useful review. I will go and revise at once
