Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

I was looking forward to go out. (going)

You should list the word count in the author notes

Good surprise ending. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015

Thanks for your kind review. I am making a note about the word count for next time. Thanks again

Comment from fossilhunter

Excellent

Unexpected twist to ending....good plot
Somewhat wordy. Check to see what is not needed.
Example: paragraph 3 second line "kind of"
paragraph 4 second line "bobbing up an down" could just be "bobbing in the breeze"
You have great imagery, and I enjoyed your work. Keep it coming!

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015

Thanks a lot for your kind and useful review. This is just the feedback I need.

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

I enjoyed this, Ulla - it started off so light-hearted
and then left me in the grip of intrigue and wanting to
read on.

A shiver went through me of sheer anticipation and longing. - This needs turning about:
A shiver of sheer anticipation and longing went through me.

and such (a) lovely sense of humour.

'Hi Adrian(,) it's me, what are you up to? '


Margaret

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015

Hi Margaret Snowdon, Thanks a lot for your review. I am glad, you liked it. I will go and revise right away.

Comment from alexisleech

Excellent

Oh no! I knew something surprising was going to happen because I was nearing the end of the story, but that was the last thing I expected - which certainly made it a surprise!
Should this 'that' be here?
what a beautiful sight (that) met my eyes

Well done, and good luck in the competition.

Alexis x

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015

Thanks so much for your kind review.

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

leaving the room bathed in a hazy glow "bathing the room in a hazy glow."
and what a beautiful sight that delete both "what" and "that"
flash and all I'd change to " flash. All"
sheer anticipation delete "sheer"
Certain other things I would say differently, but I'm a yank, so I'll let them pass,
but you need to surprise the readers, not just startle them. If something has
killed Adrian, you need to say what, and it needs to be something or someone
extraordinary. If Adrian just killed your character, then he needs to be unmasked as a ghoul, vampire, Satan, or something surprising.
Just my opinions.

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015

Thanks for you kind and very useful review. I am learning all the time.

Comment from nelliesellie

Excellent

I love the picture. A romantic date turned into something horrific. I like that surprise ending. Love can be so hard. Great work.

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015

Thanks for your lovely review

Comment from leigholiver

Excellent

well done, this was a really good entry for the contest. I want to know what happened to Adrian now, hope you follow this up with a second instalment regardless of the comp. good luck

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015

Thanks very much for your kind review. It has kind of crossed my mind to follow up on the story. Thanks again

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

Well, you got me with that ending, I thought for sure he'd drowned.

It's not easy to write flash fiction, but I think you've done a good job of it here. Good luck in the contest, Ulla.

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015

Thank you so much for your very kind review. Thanks again

reply by Writingfundimension on 26-Feb-2015

You're welcome!

Comment from joann r romei

Excellent

I was shocked, so this definitely fit the prompt descriptions perfectly, i did not notice any errors, good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015

Thanks a lot for your very kind review . I am glad you liked it.

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

It's a surprise mostly because it leaves us hanging... no ending...was he dead or someone else...or something else. Good luck to you.
Teresa

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015

Thanks a lot for your review. That's the question, what's going on?