Locked Away
Within a shattered soul...54 total reviews
Comment from evesayshi
An excellent work of viewed depravity within lingering hope - the piece would be perfect and even more exciting with a bit more attention to rhyming and rhythm - to accomplish this, a work must be read and read again and again, before considered "finished." Omitting words is acceptable and considered "poetic license"...
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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An excellent work of viewed depravity within lingering hope - the piece would be perfect and even more exciting with a bit more attention to rhyming and rhythm - to accomplish this, a work must be read and read again and again, before considered "finished." Omitting words is acceptable and considered "poetic license"...
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
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You are very welcome - your rhyming reply was PERFECT...
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
The master is at it again.
Excellent write with all the gore and description.
Flow again is excellent and meter, rhyme and rhythm is the best.
Very well done as aways.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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The master is at it again.
Excellent write with all the gore and description.
Flow again is excellent and meter, rhyme and rhythm is the best.
Very well done as aways.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
-
lol
Comment from alf collier
Hi Dean. What a tormented soul is depicted here. I love that 'I dwell within the cold cruel confines of a hopeless shattered mind'. The line conjures images of a deranged mind, yet one containing enough engagement with he rest of humanity to realize his madness. loved it, alf
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Hi Dean. What a tormented soul is depicted here. I love that 'I dwell within the cold cruel confines of a hopeless shattered mind'. The line conjures images of a deranged mind, yet one containing enough engagement with he rest of humanity to realize his madness. loved it, alf
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from lancellot
Classic, Dean. Yes, when our ride is over we return to mother earth's dark embrace. Hopefully we will not notice like this poor soul. Great lines and excellent imagery.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Classic, Dean. Yes, when our ride is over we return to mother earth's dark embrace. Hopefully we will not notice like this poor soul. Great lines and excellent imagery.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from bob cullen
That's two masterpieces in a row. I've just read Humpwhistle's latest poem and now yours.
Describing this a s brilliant is an understatement. The rhyme and balance roll so easily off the tongue. Like Humpwhistle you too should be a published and well read author.
Writer's like you two inspire and humble the rest of us hacks on Fanstory.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
|
That's two masterpieces in a row. I've just read Humpwhistle's latest poem and now yours.
Describing this a s brilliant is an understatement. The rhyme and balance roll so easily off the tongue. Like Humpwhistle you too should be a published and well read author.
Writer's like you two inspire and humble the rest of us hacks on Fanstory.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from Domino 2
Hideous artwork, Deano - just the job! :-)
Quite a few meter issues, but hey-ho. :-)
I got a bit confused, as parts of the poem infer he's buried alive ('coffin'), and other parts that he's in jail ('bars').
Maybe both references are a metaphor for him being trapped in his mind, so I'll forgive you. ;-)
Very ghoulish and entertaining read, my friend.
Cheers, Ray
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Hideous artwork, Deano - just the job! :-)
Quite a few meter issues, but hey-ho. :-)
I got a bit confused, as parts of the poem infer he's buried alive ('coffin'), and other parts that he's in jail ('bars').
Maybe both references are a metaphor for him being trapped in his mind, so I'll forgive you. ;-)
Very ghoulish and entertaining read, my friend.
Cheers, Ray
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Dean,
I believe at some point in our lives, most of us all have had that futile, alone feeling while fighting our inner demons. Self-made, man-made, however, they're real and haunting.
You've painted quite the picture. Excellent job, as always.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*.*)
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Hi, Dean,
I believe at some point in our lives, most of us all have had that futile, alone feeling while fighting our inner demons. Self-made, man-made, however, they're real and haunting.
You've painted quite the picture. Excellent job, as always.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*.*)
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Dean. This is one hell of a poem. You have so many strong verbs to ring in the ears and the lines are chock full of images, for sure. All of it is done of course with your great artwork which is above reproach. Bravo! Bob (Note....it's a six) Wink)
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
 |
Hi, Dean. This is one hell of a poem. You have so many strong verbs to ring in the ears and the lines are chock full of images, for sure. All of it is done of course with your great artwork which is above reproach. Bravo! Bob (Note....it's a six) Wink)
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
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Are you really going to do this from now on? :) Bob
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Hah, no, Bob. I had a cardiologists appointment to go to today, so I wanted to say something before I left. No, I hate cut and paste replies as a rule, myself. Look for more "traditional" replies in the future, my friend.
How'd things with the website go?
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I sort of knew that...LOL..How did it go at the ticker gimp's office? Bob
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Not so good. My heart capacity dropped from 20% in 2011, and is now down to less than 15%. Nothing short of a heart transplant will keep me living more than another ten years or so, and I don't see that happening. I'll just make the best of what time I have left.
Thanks for asking, Bob. Believe me, I wish I had better news to share. :)
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Wow! I have a pacemaker, myself. Bob
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Mine is an internal defibrillator. It was implanted in September of 2011. The battery is good for six years, so I'm due for a tune-up soon, LOL. It's jolted me a couple of times. Feels like a mule kicking you in the chest. Not fun, but, I'm still breathing so, there is that. :)
Comment from BeasPeas
Some wonderfully descriptive lines all the way through, such as, "Sweet Mother Earth yawns, beckoning -- her open maw is cold and damp," and "a shattered mind just marking time, I yearn to be away from here."
Great use of alliteration also: "Gasps of ghosts," and "scuttle, scurry -- leave me screaming,"
I like the added touch of repetition of: "Locked away in solitude, in lingering shadows, I remain."
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Some wonderfully descriptive lines all the way through, such as, "Sweet Mother Earth yawns, beckoning -- her open maw is cold and damp," and "a shattered mind just marking time, I yearn to be away from here."
Great use of alliteration also: "Gasps of ghosts," and "scuttle, scurry -- leave me screaming,"
I like the added touch of repetition of: "Locked away in solitude, in lingering shadows, I remain."
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from Alan K Pease
You have had a very gloomy day filled with questions on you life and soul to be confined in the dark and damp destiny of Mother Earth. Cheer up. Your path may lead to redemption. Excellent poetics
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
|
You have had a very gloomy day filled with questions on you life and soul to be confined in the dark and damp destiny of Mother Earth. Cheer up. Your path may lead to redemption. Excellent poetics
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
