Locked Away
Within a shattered soul...54 total reviews
Comment from Treischel
Another excellent contribution to the horror genre in the narration of a pergatory-like existence in a dank, dark place of torment. Lots of alliteration. Long 16 syllable lines that work. Gruesome poetic imagery. A little evil gem.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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Another excellent contribution to the horror genre in the narration of a pergatory-like existence in a dank, dark place of torment. Lots of alliteration. Long 16 syllable lines that work. Gruesome poetic imagery. A little evil gem.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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Thanks
Comment from Pearl Edwards
The opening line says so much to us reading your poem Dean. This is a very emotional read, and we can feel the despair in these lines.
so much pain and sadness, scenes of better bygone days.....
my hope is that this is truly fiction.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015
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The opening line says so much to us reading your poem Dean. This is a very emotional read, and we can feel the despair in these lines.
so much pain and sadness, scenes of better bygone days.....
my hope is that this is truly fiction.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 25-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015
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I wish it were only fiction, Pearl. But it's been a rough go for me lately. Anyhow, I'm feeling a bit more chipper today than I did the day I posted it. Thanks for your concerns, and your thoughtful comments. ~Dean
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hi Dean,
I almost missed this one. I had computer problems for days and finally got it figured out Monday afternoon...computers, bah hum-"bugs", lol.
This piece, however, spoke to me. There are times in each of our lives when we feel the cruel confines of hopelessness.
Mine came during my wife's cancer challenge. After her diagnosis, we had to wait for months, until her operation, to find out how bad it was. We caught it early and everything has worked out well, so far, but there were days before, when I questioned what kind of painful changes were ahead...it was an emotional time!
I really appreciated the engaging question at the end of your piece...who indeed?
Powerful write, my friend, full of striking imagery, great alliterations and enjambments...it was a pleasure. Well worth the six!
Have a great afternoon, Bill
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015
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Hi Dean,
I almost missed this one. I had computer problems for days and finally got it figured out Monday afternoon...computers, bah hum-"bugs", lol.
This piece, however, spoke to me. There are times in each of our lives when we feel the cruel confines of hopelessness.
Mine came during my wife's cancer challenge. After her diagnosis, we had to wait for months, until her operation, to find out how bad it was. We caught it early and everything has worked out well, so far, but there were days before, when I questioned what kind of painful changes were ahead...it was an emotional time!
I really appreciated the engaging question at the end of your piece...who indeed?
Powerful write, my friend, full of striking imagery, great alliterations and enjambments...it was a pleasure. Well worth the six!
Have a great afternoon, Bill
Comment Written 25-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015
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Thanks so much for checking this one out for me, Bill. I've been in a rather dark place recently -- failing heart, no hope for correcting it other than a complete transplant, which I would never consider.
So, that being said, your wonderful and complimentary review sure helped to raise my spirits a bit, and I'm very grateful to you for that!
Thanks so very much again, Bill. :) ~Dean
Comment from Just2Write
This cry from the depths of a tortured soul is very well done, and pulls the reader into the mind of the speaker. The isolation and years of depression have really damaged the speakers outlook on life, and yet still looks forward to finding someone that can be confided in, and the earthy smells of spring. I wasn't sure about the phrase 'and in the earth's where I belong' Possibly a reference to being dead and buried?
The last line turned the poem ominous for me. Whom indeed is the speaker going to thank for his horrid life, and how?
Rose.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015
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This cry from the depths of a tortured soul is very well done, and pulls the reader into the mind of the speaker. The isolation and years of depression have really damaged the speakers outlook on life, and yet still looks forward to finding someone that can be confided in, and the earthy smells of spring. I wasn't sure about the phrase 'and in the earth's where I belong' Possibly a reference to being dead and buried?
The last line turned the poem ominous for me. Whom indeed is the speaker going to thank for his horrid life, and how?
Rose.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Rose. I've been a bit of a funk health-wise as of late. My cardiologist gave me a bit of bad news about the old ticker. Seems it's getting worse instead of better, despite a new exercise regimen and diet. Nothing short of a complete transplant will help me now, but I'm going to hang in there, at least until my book is published this summer or early fall. Hopefully a little longer than that too, LOL.
Thanks again, I do appreciate it. :)
~Dean
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Dean - I am so saddened by your news. I've known many people with the same prognosis - my daughter being one, who lived for many years after receiving it, and without having that transplant. Keep up with the diet and exercise. If you don't own a dog - I hope you can get one. They're great walking companions, and are also often a great confidant. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Rose.
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I have three dogs, Rose. Two miniature dachshunds, and my baby (she's eleven!), Gidget, our Chihuahua. I walk them two times a day, rain or shine. I just got back in, as a matter of fact, only minutes ago.
Thanks for the great advice. I'm too darn mean to die anytime soon, LOL.:) ~Dean
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Mean...? You...? Not a chance m'dear - Hang in there. Hugs. Rose.
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I'll do my best. ;)
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I know you will. You'll be in my prayers until you say otherwise. I know for a fact that ailing hearts are something that can be improved upon. It ain't easy, and sometimes, sunshine and roses can't fix it - but, sometimes, miracles do happen. I've seen that often - And more often than you think. God bless. Rose.
Comment from gypsymoth
This , to me, sounds like the laments of some poor soul
in a mental institution or a prison. The reader feels the torment and longing to get out. One can feel the living hell of being confined. Deranged or guilty it would be a hell just as you've described.
Gypsymoth
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015
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This , to me, sounds like the laments of some poor soul
in a mental institution or a prison. The reader feels the torment and longing to get out. One can feel the living hell of being confined. Deranged or guilty it would be a hell just as you've described.
Gypsymoth
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2015
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Thank you very much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me about the poem, gypsymoth, and for the generous five star rating as well. I sincerely appreciate that, my friend! ~Dean
Comment from GWHARGIS
I thought this was about someone who had lost their mind. It read like a final goodbye in a way. Good strong imagery and the emotional tone was one of desperation and finally acceptance that they were going to die. Great job as always. Gretchen
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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I thought this was about someone who had lost their mind. It read like a final goodbye in a way. Good strong imagery and the emotional tone was one of desperation and finally acceptance that they were going to die. Great job as always. Gretchen
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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Thanks so much for taking the time to review this for me, Gretchen. Your feedback is invaluable to me and very much appreciated! :)
~Dean
Comment from ravenblack
Extreme solitude, not being heard can be an isolation that leads to madness. The whole poem is tinged with a dangerous lunacy. I like the initial location, isolation in the self, bedside lamp casting no light. The jump to bars suggests an asylum but I think they are more metaphysical. A strong poem. I am not sure of the line " my springs are laced with scents of musk". I think you mean Spring fever, the return of short skirts - yay!
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Extreme solitude, not being heard can be an isolation that leads to madness. The whole poem is tinged with a dangerous lunacy. I like the initial location, isolation in the self, bedside lamp casting no light. The jump to bars suggests an asylum but I think they are more metaphysical. A strong poem. I am not sure of the line " my springs are laced with scents of musk". I think you mean Spring fever, the return of short skirts - yay!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Ed, and you're absolutely right, the reference to steel bars is meant more metaphorically than anything else. I've always felt the earth had a musky, alluring scent during springtime. The smells of earth and April rains, mixed with the scents of wild flowers and grass, all blend together to form an intoxicating aroma, at least for me.
I very much appreciate you taking the time to comment on this.
~Dean
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okay. I thought maybe you were saying that the scent of musk was a negative. now I see it is only a negative because the narrator is locked inside himself.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Dean - apart from scaring me witless with your work - and you know I am a scardy-cat - you always impress me with your ability to have it flow so smoothly, this has excellent rhyme and just seems to flow like lava down the page.
I also like how this one made me pause and reflect for a time. That deeper contemplation from one whose challenges have made me face my own fear, my own blood boiling or draining in the sea of disease..... I especially loved your last line my friend. Fabulous work.
Thanks for sharing,
Mo
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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Dear Dean - apart from scaring me witless with your work - and you know I am a scardy-cat - you always impress me with your ability to have it flow so smoothly, this has excellent rhyme and just seems to flow like lava down the page.
I also like how this one made me pause and reflect for a time. That deeper contemplation from one whose challenges have made me face my own fear, my own blood boiling or draining in the sea of disease..... I especially loved your last line my friend. Fabulous work.
Thanks for sharing,
Mo
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2015
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Thank you very much for the complimentary review, Mo. Coming from you, that means a lot to me!
Much appreciated. ~Dean
Comment from Eric1
Hi Dean, almost missed this brilliant poem my friend, what a wonderful and very graphic piece of work, I loved every savoury word of it , great stuff!
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Hi Dean, almost missed this brilliant poem my friend, what a wonderful and very graphic piece of work, I loved every savoury word of it , great stuff!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Eric. I appreciate your comments and review very much. ~Dean
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It was a pleasure my dear friend.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a sad poem and so unlike you my friend. I hope you are alright. I liked the picture and the poem though I never got the chill factor which I love when I read your poem. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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This is a sad poem and so unlike you my friend. I hope you are alright. I liked the picture and the poem though I never got the chill factor which I love when I read your poem. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
