Let's Talk Dirty!
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "Oh, What A Night!"The story about three women who need to make money
21 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
I think the 'so' gremlin snuck back into this paragraph, for 3 times, if you want to alter it.
Knowing the stairs so well was a great help because Jenny knew which ones were likely to creak, so she was able to avoid them. Safe in the knowledge she hadn?t made a sound coming down them, Jenny slipped into the living room and silently shut the door behind her. She reckoned her phone had been unplugged for at least an hour and a half, so dreaded to think how many one pound fines she?d accrued for not answering her calls at what could be one of the busiest times in the evening. Never mind, whatever it cost--it was certainly worth it.
Good chapter, how does one slip into chat line mode quite so quickly? :-)
Seems like she handled it just fine. :-)
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2015
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I think the 'so' gremlin snuck back into this paragraph, for 3 times, if you want to alter it.
Knowing the stairs so well was a great help because Jenny knew which ones were likely to creak, so she was able to avoid them. Safe in the knowledge she hadn?t made a sound coming down them, Jenny slipped into the living room and silently shut the door behind her. She reckoned her phone had been unplugged for at least an hour and a half, so dreaded to think how many one pound fines she?d accrued for not answering her calls at what could be one of the busiest times in the evening. Never mind, whatever it cost--it was certainly worth it.
Good chapter, how does one slip into chat line mode quite so quickly? :-)
Seems like she handled it just fine. :-)
Comment Written 10-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2015
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The 'sos' have gone, bar one, Sue. As I said, this is exactly why I feel so much happier now you're having a final look at the book. Thank you! Alexis xxx
Comment from MelReyn
Wow, talk about delivering on my expectations as a reader! Well, done. You give enough information for me to know what's going on, and that works for this story. I'm glad Jenny is happy, and I wonder how that will play out with her job.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2015
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Wow, talk about delivering on my expectations as a reader! Well, done. You give enough information for me to know what's going on, and that works for this story. I'm glad Jenny is happy, and I wonder how that will play out with her job.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2015
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As you now know, it plays out quite well, but it may bring an end to her working for the chat line because she really likes George. Only time will tell! Alexis x
Comment from Walu Feral
Hahahahaha! G'day Alexis, I told ya! I knew that would happen! Hahahahaha! That is so funny. It is a wonderful chapter to a wonderful from a wonderful author. I'm just lovin' this mate. How are the reviews coming in? Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2015
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Hahahahaha! G'day Alexis, I told ya! I knew that would happen! Hahahahaha! That is so funny. It is a wonderful chapter to a wonderful from a wonderful author. I'm just lovin' this mate. How are the reviews coming in? Cheers Fez
Comment Written 20-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2015
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I can't get over how helpful the reviews have been. Considering I barely have enough time to review sufficiently to offer more than a measly 53 cents a pop! My faith in FS reviewers is restored! Alexis x
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hi there L
Damn, 'It is now,' she giggled, before she took him by the hand and led him up the stairs again... twice in one evening. Lucky dog. I like the way you wrote this and left the reader to his own imagination. (I am such a sicko) Well done m'Lady
Bear
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Hi there L
Damn, 'It is now,' she giggled, before she took him by the hand and led him up the stairs again... twice in one evening. Lucky dog. I like the way you wrote this and left the reader to his own imagination. (I am such a sicko) Well done m'Lady
Bear
Comment Written 19-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Glad to see this tickled your fancy, Bear! Your not a 'sicko,' just one of the reviewers who I know has enough imagination so they don't have to have everything spelt out to them! Twice in one evening? LOL you should have met my late husband (not that he would discuss it, of course!) Thank you, my friend. Alexis xxx
Comment from madhatter1977
Another good chapter, she's walking a fine line but having a whale of a time in her double life! I really like this, Alexis, and I hope you're writing fast enough for the poor editors and screenwriters? I can't see any errors or things I would change here - you're a really good story writer! Best wishes, Pete :)
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Another good chapter, she's walking a fine line but having a whale of a time in her double life! I really like this, Alexis, and I hope you're writing fast enough for the poor editors and screenwriters? I can't see any errors or things I would change here - you're a really good story writer! Best wishes, Pete :)
Comment Written 19-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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I just wish I had enough time to review more so I could promote the part chapters better. Never mind, at least it gives me the chance to meet new writers like you! Thank you for your reviews, they're always appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from Cat of Letters
Hi Alexis,
Really enjoyed this chapter . . . and I'm so glad for Jenny that 'Fred' did not put George off.
I could not see any spags on typos in this chapter either.
You seem to be rolling right along . . . Keep up the good work!
Best wishes,
Alison
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Hi Alexis,
Really enjoyed this chapter . . . and I'm so glad for Jenny that 'Fred' did not put George off.
I could not see any spags on typos in this chapter either.
You seem to be rolling right along . . . Keep up the good work!
Best wishes,
Alison
Comment Written 19-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Yes, I'm rolling along having added about 12,000 words (and deleted about four) Things are nearly back on track! Thank you for all your help, my friend. Alexis x
Comment from storyo
I like the story and the dialog is engaging.
My only comment is that it took me a couple of re-reads to figure out what was going on in the paragraph below. Because my last vision of George was that he was asleep up creaky stairs, I did not expect him to be all of a sudden behind her without her noticing. Maybe others will figure it out more easily, and it's just me...
'You, my friend, are a Godsend,' she said when she picked him up and placed him back on the coffee table. Just when Jenny had thought her cover was blown, and she would have to tell George what her second job really was, he turned to Jenny with a smile and took her hand.
Good luck with this piece.
Best regards,
Steve
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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I like the story and the dialog is engaging.
My only comment is that it took me a couple of re-reads to figure out what was going on in the paragraph below. Because my last vision of George was that he was asleep up creaky stairs, I did not expect him to be all of a sudden behind her without her noticing. Maybe others will figure it out more easily, and it's just me...
'You, my friend, are a Godsend,' she said when she picked him up and placed him back on the coffee table. Just when Jenny had thought her cover was blown, and she would have to tell George what her second job really was, he turned to Jenny with a smile and took her hand.
Good luck with this piece.
Best regards,
Steve
Comment Written 19-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Well done for picking up on that. When I looked at it again, even I felt confused. Now sorted, thanks to you! Alexis x
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Oh boy things did progress rather quickly.....and now the morning after...you wrote this one well, kept the fun going and the heat too.
Nicely penned my friend.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
xx
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Oh boy things did progress rather quickly.....and now the morning after...you wrote this one well, kept the fun going and the heat too.
Nicely penned my friend.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
xx
Comment Written 19-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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This, of course would be the second half of the previous chapter, but I just had to pray it could be a stand alone! Thank you again for your reviews, wc. They mean a lot to me. Alexis xxx
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Alexis. Very exciting chapter from my point of view. There seems to be no end tom the deceit going on to protect the second job info.
The images are great throughout. However., I do have one suggestion that would help improve the writing, I believe:
There is too much use of this: "Needless to say, and "Suffice to say...etc. (Start your sentences without these.
Best wishes. Bob
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Hi, Alexis. Very exciting chapter from my point of view. There seems to be no end tom the deceit going on to protect the second job info.
The images are great throughout. However., I do have one suggestion that would help improve the writing, I believe:
There is too much use of this: "Needless to say, and "Suffice to say...etc. (Start your sentences without these.
Best wishes. Bob
Comment Written 19-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Yes, I tend to write like I talk, hence the reason phrases like that suddenly appear. I'll see what I can do! Thank you for your review, it is always appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from adewpearl
who he'd shared a house - whom
love the part of the dialogue where George reacts with humor to the vibrator
she handles the caller well - strange what will arouse a guy LOL
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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who he'd shared a house - whom
love the part of the dialogue where George reacts with humor to the vibrator
she handles the caller well - strange what will arouse a guy LOL
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 19-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2015
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Isn't it just. These scenes are such fun to write, and really stretch my imagination to the limit! Thank you for your review and eagle eye. Both are really appreciated. Alexis x
