Let's Talk Dirty!
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Saturday Night"The story about three women who need to make money
17 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
Why do I get the feeling Jack's going to visit Laura?
He seems like a decent guy. I look forward to seeing their story develop.
No suggestions for corrections. :-)
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
  |
Why do I get the feeling Jack's going to visit Laura?
He seems like a decent guy. I look forward to seeing their story develop.
No suggestions for corrections. :-)
Comment Written 03-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2015
-
You may be in for a disappointment in that front, but maybe not! My thanks again for your encouraging review, Sue. As always, I really appreciate it.
Alexis xxx
Comment from donastell20
I very much enjoyed your story, which captivated my interest from start to finish, with great detail and characterisation.
I like your style of writing and thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
|
I very much enjoyed your story, which captivated my interest from start to finish, with great detail and characterisation.
I like your style of writing and thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
-
The pleasure is all mine. Thank you so much for dropping by. Alexis x
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Alexis, addresses swapped at the end....and the next step is now in place. This works well for your story, read smoothly, your dialogue is strong too. Nice pace, looking forward to more.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen -wc
xxx
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
|
Dear Alexis, addresses swapped at the end....and the next step is now in place. This works well for your story, read smoothly, your dialogue is strong too. Nice pace, looking forward to more.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen -wc
xxx
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
-
I think you'll enjoy todays post, Maureen. We women know how to rise up and put our faces on in the face of adversity! So glad to receive your reviews, my friend. It's like a breath of fresh air!
Love, Alexis xxx
Comment from Curly Girly
Okay, so now she has swapped addresses with Jack. Let's just hope that he does not arrive for an impromptu visit! That would put the cat amount the pigeons.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
|
Okay, so now she has swapped addresses with Jack. Let's just hope that he does not arrive for an impromptu visit! That would put the cat amount the pigeons.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2015
-
Maybe, maybe not. I'm just about to decide! Thank you again for your review. Alexis x
Comment from MelB
Very interesting, so Laura may be switching to a different career. She is probably more suited for that, especially since she is a widower. She is the sensitive one out of the group and that line of work would be more in her wheelhouse. Then, she doesn't have to lie about what she does either.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
|
Very interesting, so Laura may be switching to a different career. She is probably more suited for that, especially since she is a widower. She is the sensitive one out of the group and that line of work would be more in her wheelhouse. Then, she doesn't have to lie about what she does either.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
-
Here's hoping! I'm glad you can see the differences in the women's characters. Thank you! Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
Well done you, Laura.-Might just be me, but this doesn't flow well. Maybe take out the 'you' or 'Laura'. ?
'I've talked to Michael about it, and he reckons he could probably do it, -Might be me...but 'reckons' sounds very hick country. It doesn't seem to fit the character, BUT i could be wrong. Just a thought. :)
Oh, this was such a good read. Heartwarming. I like the relationship between Jack and Laura. You are doing such an amazing job with this story. Truly enjoying it. Great work.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
|
Well done you, Laura.-Might just be me, but this doesn't flow well. Maybe take out the 'you' or 'Laura'. ?
'I've talked to Michael about it, and he reckons he could probably do it, -Might be me...but 'reckons' sounds very hick country. It doesn't seem to fit the character, BUT i could be wrong. Just a thought. :)
Oh, this was such a good read. Heartwarming. I like the relationship between Jack and Laura. You are doing such an amazing job with this story. Truly enjoying it. Great work.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
-
It's a bit of a British thing, but I think you're right, so the 'you' is no longer. Thank you, my friend, your very useful suggestions are always appreciated. Alexis x
-
OK sorry about the English thing. I love that by the way, so leave it in!! :-)
Hope I"m not annoying you with my ignorance!
-
Not at all! I try to get a happy balance between the Pond, but I have to remember this is set in Scotland, so even though it might sound strange, I have to be true to the character's location. I only put the UK English bit in the author's notes when I use words like 'fitted' instead of fit because I've been pulled up by my American friends in the past! I love your reviews, so please don't think it has anything to do with you! xxx
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Now that was really interesting. I can imagine many single lonely people would like to join something like this, it gives them a chance to see what it would be like, and then they can decide if they would like to do more, sharing e-mail addresses, meeting for coffee. I could see that taking off big time. I didn't know anything about computing when I was widowed, not until I decided to go back to school and learn computing, then I got a job. I also had a little tiny smile at the exchange of addresses, that is the next step!! :) xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
|
Now that was really interesting. I can imagine many single lonely people would like to join something like this, it gives them a chance to see what it would be like, and then they can decide if they would like to do more, sharing e-mail addresses, meeting for coffee. I could see that taking off big time. I didn't know anything about computing when I was widowed, not until I decided to go back to school and learn computing, then I got a job. I also had a little tiny smile at the exchange of addresses, that is the next step!! :) xsx Sandra
Comment Written 11-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
-
One of the reasons I'm writing this book (apart from my need to make some money!) is so I can afford to launch all my 'alone in sites' around the world, especially in all the Brit hot spots for retirement. Hopefully people will be able to meet new friends if they find themselves alone in later life as a result. Fingers crossed! Alexis x
-
I think that is an admirable idea, and one that would be a great success. Do you self publish, or are you one of the lucky ones who has a publisher? I could see a publisher eager to get her hands on this little gem, it has all the ingredients of a best seller. So, my fingers and my toes are crossed for you to make loads of dosh out of this book! :)
Comment from G.B. Smith
There is a lot missing here. The FS editor just screwed you. Good story thus far
That would be lovely,' she told him, before giving him her address and asking him for his...
go to my car
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
|
There is a lot missing here. The FS editor just screwed you. Good story thus far
That would be lovely,' she told him, before giving him her address and asking him for his...
go to my car
Comment Written 11-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
-
It was my fault, Bear because I had put some notes in the 'Author's notes section, and thought I'd defeated them all. Thank you for the tip-off and your review, you're a life saver! Alexis x
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I did the next chapter first but it doesn't seem to matter. LOL Well she is coming right along with her new sit isn't she. See, things usually work out for the best ifind. Just a matter of wait and see. Well done Alexis. :<) Nancy
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
|
I did the next chapter first but it doesn't seem to matter. LOL Well she is coming right along with her new sit isn't she. See, things usually work out for the best ifind. Just a matter of wait and see. Well done Alexis. :<) Nancy
Comment Written 11-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
-
I messaged Tom, and he advised me that the chapter numbers should be automatic but if their not, we have to do it ourselves by typing in the chapter number where the '1000' is at the top of the editing page. Mine are now all in sequence by doing that, but it was a bit confusing to start with! Alexis x
Comment from Cat of Letters
People whose partners are in jail? Lol!!!!!!
And the dry response . . .
You are too funny, woman, that is a tea spitter, you must bag your agent!
Julie Christie. I thought she was Julia, but could be wrong, check her.
listed IN regions, should be BY region
'usually more interested in making new friends of the same sex'
suggest often more interested, or many of them are more interested.
Laura had started to make notes as they talked , (comma) after she had finished speaking to Jack (talked and a talking in that para)
They would not just HELP people (always kill ing verbs, if possible)
give me . . . and Michael . . . an income of sorts (of some sort is wordy) as well
Jack though for a moment,(comma) before he answerED her (ing cull)
I think most people could afford that. (period) get rid of the because. It . . .
she had been going to suggest for the UK
I know you have gone through the same experience I have, that makes, that makes it . . .
___
ing verbs, Alexis. They weaken prose. Use them when you write in rough, to keep the flow of thought going . When you write in top copy you need to look at every one of these ing verbs. Cull them, unless you really want one in there for a reason, or it is just too hard to change to a stronger verb form.
You are not a bad offender in these terms, as a rule. But this chapter is a wee bit sloppy with ings.
Taking of which/Come to mention it -ing cull and the later in more Yank
it is just four weeks before the big day/ it is four weeks to the big day,
so(cut that needless so) I suppose you guys . . .
also cut the needless 'won't you' at the end of the sentence
_
You are rushing and getting sloppy:
She has told him she had been over at Jenny's for the last three Fridays. That along with Karen, she had been helping her to make . . .
It has been the only cover story she could think of to cover the fact that she had been manning (?!) an ing but maybe a useful one - er womaning - the chat line
We are still going to make them for a couple more weeks. The Christmas fair we plan to sell them at . . .
. skip that so, and cull that just. She said she hadn't decided.
Laura remembered that Jack had no children of his own and immediately felt guilty. (dump the again)
don't you? end of sentence redundant
go back to my car. Two backs in close succession
go to my car
sworn them to secrecy, (comma) so that
Jack smiled back at Laura before he pickED up a pen
'Speaking of Christmas' or 'On the topic of'
'Talking about' is too Brit.
Post? Post is mail.
I don't know when the mailing deadline to the United Kingdom is . . .
__
Some corrections, ideas, hope you can figure them out!
___
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
|
People whose partners are in jail? Lol!!!!!!
And the dry response . . .
You are too funny, woman, that is a tea spitter, you must bag your agent!
Julie Christie. I thought she was Julia, but could be wrong, check her.
listed IN regions, should be BY region
'usually more interested in making new friends of the same sex'
suggest often more interested, or many of them are more interested.
Laura had started to make notes as they talked , (comma) after she had finished speaking to Jack (talked and a talking in that para)
They would not just HELP people (always kill ing verbs, if possible)
give me . . . and Michael . . . an income of sorts (of some sort is wordy) as well
Jack though for a moment,(comma) before he answerED her (ing cull)
I think most people could afford that. (period) get rid of the because. It . . .
she had been going to suggest for the UK
I know you have gone through the same experience I have, that makes, that makes it . . .
___
ing verbs, Alexis. They weaken prose. Use them when you write in rough, to keep the flow of thought going . When you write in top copy you need to look at every one of these ing verbs. Cull them, unless you really want one in there for a reason, or it is just too hard to change to a stronger verb form.
You are not a bad offender in these terms, as a rule. But this chapter is a wee bit sloppy with ings.
Taking of which/Come to mention it -ing cull and the later in more Yank
it is just four weeks before the big day/ it is four weeks to the big day,
so(cut that needless so) I suppose you guys . . .
also cut the needless 'won't you' at the end of the sentence
_
You are rushing and getting sloppy:
She has told him she had been over at Jenny's for the last three Fridays. That along with Karen, she had been helping her to make . . .
It has been the only cover story she could think of to cover the fact that she had been manning (?!) an ing but maybe a useful one - er womaning - the chat line
We are still going to make them for a couple more weeks. The Christmas fair we plan to sell them at . . .
. skip that so, and cull that just. She said she hadn't decided.
Laura remembered that Jack had no children of his own and immediately felt guilty. (dump the again)
don't you? end of sentence redundant
go back to my car. Two backs in close succession
go to my car
sworn them to secrecy, (comma) so that
Jack smiled back at Laura before he pickED up a pen
'Speaking of Christmas' or 'On the topic of'
'Talking about' is too Brit.
Post? Post is mail.
I don't know when the mailing deadline to the United Kingdom is . . .
__
Some corrections, ideas, hope you can figure them out!
___
Comment Written 11-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2015
-
I think I've caught them all now. This is fantastic reviewing, and really appreciated. Thank you! Alexis x
