Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Travel Advisory"A collection of poems on these themes
21 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
Space ship to the toilet in a one way hospital for has beens who
Write poetry for fun or for ocd readers.
Good look in the contest.
Quite sure you will have lots of readers scratching their heads.Z
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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Space ship to the toilet in a one way hospital for has beens who
Write poetry for fun or for ocd readers.
Good look in the contest.
Quite sure you will have lots of readers scratching their heads.Z
Comment Written 10-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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Whether they're scratching their heads or other parts of their anatomy, most are too polite to say so!
I have no idea how to do free verse, but thought I'd give it a crack anyway!
Steve
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You just write a story and break it up
a disgusting practice if you ask me.
the same as a lot of other
MODERN crap :-)) Z.
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If you want want to see my attempt at defiling
the free verse. I think.
read my last contribution. U.N.
no review solicited. :-)) Z.
Comment from rama devi
What a journey and what a unique free verse poem. Love the originality, the whimsical wisdom and the puzzled closing line, which lends impacting thoughts as to who THEY are, or IF they are, etc.
I particularly like the ironic whimsy of saying this in parenthesis: (the omniscient they) and the parenthetical asides all through.
I LOVE the inventive word play on
con-
fusion
with fusion!
Well done.
Entertaining and thoughtful.
Smooth fluid flow and fine use of enjambement for dramatic pause.
Polished and tight. Bravo
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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What a journey and what a unique free verse poem. Love the originality, the whimsical wisdom and the puzzled closing line, which lends impacting thoughts as to who THEY are, or IF they are, etc.
I particularly like the ironic whimsy of saying this in parenthesis: (the omniscient they) and the parenthetical asides all through.
I LOVE the inventive word play on
con-
fusion
with fusion!
Well done.
Entertaining and thoughtful.
Smooth fluid flow and fine use of enjambement for dramatic pause.
Polished and tight. Bravo
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 10-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Rama.
As you know, free verse is not really my cup of tea, but I have a feeling I could work my way towards a style of sorts...
Steve
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You certainly could, Steve. Your keen sense of the music of words will help with that!
Comment from Mark Valentine
First of all, congrats on your "Story in a Poem" win. I know a lot of work must have gone into that - good to see that effort rewarded.
I like this one a lot - leaves a lot of room for reader interpretation, as to the nature of the trip (space travel, a metaphor for life?), the identity of the mysterious "they" and the ending. Still absorbing it, but it's worth the time spent thinking about it.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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First of all, congrats on your "Story in a Poem" win. I know a lot of work must have gone into that - good to see that effort rewarded.
I like this one a lot - leaves a lot of room for reader interpretation, as to the nature of the trip (space travel, a metaphor for life?), the identity of the mysterious "they" and the ending. Still absorbing it, but it's worth the time spent thinking about it.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Mark. Now I see why you said you thought you had a shot in that contest - yours was a fabulous poem!
Thanks for the kind review here - don't spend too much time trying to figure it out - I've given up already!
Steve
Comment from kiwijenny
Steve they are waiting for the bathroom for THEY
The insignia on the restroom doors is a nebulous nebula and they are hard to find...so if they can't find one and get constipated it's going to be a very tough millennium of us mere mortals
God bless...enjoyed your poem...made me reach for my fibre
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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Steve they are waiting for the bathroom for THEY
The insignia on the restroom doors is a nebulous nebula and they are hard to find...so if they can't find one and get constipated it's going to be a very tough millennium of us mere mortals
God bless...enjoyed your poem...made me reach for my fibre
Comment Written 10-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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... and thank God for the bedpans under the seats!
Thanks for coming along on the crazy ride.
Steve
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Lol
Comment from N.K. Wagner
That'll teach you to listen to "them". What do "they" know anyway? Love the bedpan and life-jacket bit. Even on a trip to...where, exactly? :D Nancy
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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That'll teach you to listen to "them". What do "they" know anyway? Love the bedpan and life-jacket bit. Even on a trip to...where, exactly? :D Nancy
Comment Written 10-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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who knows where? Well I think I do, but that might stir up those who 'know' something different!
Steve
Comment from Jackarrie
I am trying to read between the lines, and find the relevant metaphors.
1st first verse is the beginning of a life's journey.
2nd, confusion in childhood trying to understand schooling.
3td, now you are out in the world so stand on you own two feet.
and reach for the stars
4th Be aware of those jealous people who will try to demean you
5th become aware that life does not always run smooth
6th This is something I often wished I had.
7th, Now you have learned that in this life you cannot rely on others you must rely on yourself alone.
I could be totally wrong but I enjoyed having a go
Mary
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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I am trying to read between the lines, and find the relevant metaphors.
1st first verse is the beginning of a life's journey.
2nd, confusion in childhood trying to understand schooling.
3td, now you are out in the world so stand on you own two feet.
and reach for the stars
4th Be aware of those jealous people who will try to demean you
5th become aware that life does not always run smooth
6th This is something I often wished I had.
7th, Now you have learned that in this life you cannot rely on others you must rely on yourself alone.
I could be totally wrong but I enjoyed having a go
Mary
Comment Written 10-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Mary. You are the only reviewer brave enough to try and untangle the mysteries and ambiguities here - your interpretation is as good as any and I'm very glad the poem reached you enough for you to think it through!
Steve
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Steve, again this is a very well written and presented piece, which is what I always expect in your work. It's a great entry and you are in with a good chance, best of luck mate. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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G'day Steve, again this is a very well written and presented piece, which is what I always expect in your work. It's a great entry and you are in with a good chance, best of luck mate. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 10-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Fez
Steve
Comment from tfawcus
This sounds like the flight safety demonstration we all ignore before take-off! Lots of interesting ambiguity here, a light dig at the religions that assure us that all will be well just so long as we behave ourselves properly in this life. Promises that come without any guarantees unfortunately. Still, it's worth aiming for the stars if you've been given the ticket. Who knows - the journey just might be worth it! Better than being grounded all your life.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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This sounds like the flight safety demonstration we all ignore before take-off! Lots of interesting ambiguity here, a light dig at the religions that assure us that all will be well just so long as we behave ourselves properly in this life. Promises that come without any guarantees unfortunately. Still, it's worth aiming for the stars if you've been given the ticket. Who knows - the journey just might be worth it! Better than being grounded all your life.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Tony.
I did think of presenting it all as just such an announcement, but I had too much other stuff I wanted to fit in...
Steve
Comment from pasinger
Mystical and amusing.
Do we have an answer to the question?
It was an easy read a good mix of the light side and the more serious.
I liked the descriptive writing which allowed the reader to come along on this journey.
Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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Mystical and amusing.
Do we have an answer to the question?
It was an easy read a good mix of the light side and the more serious.
I liked the descriptive writing which allowed the reader to come along on this journey.
Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 10-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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Thank you.
You should have insight into this seeing you're a passinger..... :O)
Steve
Comment from mfowler
This is an unusual canvas for your witty, somewhat tongue in cheek humour, Steve.
The rhythm feels right and your use of lines is fine.
I think, it is the unusual nature of the event, the uncertain pleas of the passenger's voice, and the unknown 'they' that carries the piece.
Your ending is a classic and leaves the reader wondering what happened too.
The very best with this entertaining work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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This is an unusual canvas for your witty, somewhat tongue in cheek humour, Steve.
The rhythm feels right and your use of lines is fine.
I think, it is the unusual nature of the event, the uncertain pleas of the passenger's voice, and the unknown 'they' that carries the piece.
Your ending is a classic and leaves the reader wondering what happened too.
The very best with this entertaining work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2015
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Thank you.
You're right, free verse is not my usual cup of tea, but I'm kind of feeling my way towards a style that might suit - I've been looking at some Roger McGough poems for inspiration....
Steve
