Fields of Forever
100 word story contest entry45 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
It's surprising how much you've packed in to your 100 word allocation. The sudden twist away from the idyllic scene you describe (replete with alliteration and adjectival bliss)to the killing fields of Vietnam pulls the reader up short. There sure is a loss of innocence here.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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It's surprising how much you've packed in to your 100 word allocation. The sudden twist away from the idyllic scene you describe (replete with alliteration and adjectival bliss)to the killing fields of Vietnam pulls the reader up short. There sure is a loss of innocence here.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thanks for taking the required effort to read and review the story for me, Tony. As always, I certainly appreciate it. :)
Comment from Acquired Taste
Ohhh, this is poignant. I will admit, upon reading the last sentence I thought of the last scene in Gladiator where, as he was dying, he saw his family and though filled with pain, he smiled.
POW Jimmy Bailey was granted the peace and love and release that filled his heart as a child. As he prayed, God granted his request and allowed his sister to again share the pureness of his childhood.
Matthew 25 speaks of: Well done, good and faithful servant - one wonders if Jimmy heard those words as his sister arrived to take his hand. Beautiful. AT=/
Okay, am going for some Fleenex.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Ohhh, this is poignant. I will admit, upon reading the last sentence I thought of the last scene in Gladiator where, as he was dying, he saw his family and though filled with pain, he smiled.
POW Jimmy Bailey was granted the peace and love and release that filled his heart as a child. As he prayed, God granted his request and allowed his sister to again share the pureness of his childhood.
Matthew 25 speaks of: Well done, good and faithful servant - one wonders if Jimmy heard those words as his sister arrived to take his hand. Beautiful. AT=/
Okay, am going for some Fleenex.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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What a lovely and complimentary review, Jean. I'm so glad to know that you enjoyed reading this extremely short piece. I'm not all too used to receiving such high ratings for my shorter writes, so your generosity in reviewing this story is doubly appreciated.
Thanks again for encouragement. Again, I'm very grateful. :)
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There are certain pieces, themes that I believe touch a reader. This particular offering bring back the times and terror Vietnam - at least in my head. Your words simply touched on those long ago times of pain and sorrow for a world unhinged. I remember waiting at DC airports to greet returnees and when they off-boarded, their eyes were often vacant and the pain was deeply etched upon their too young faces. J
Comment from acerisestory
This is a powerful story, mystery author! I had to read it twice to realize what had happened.
The imagery you've used in your first paragraph is fabulous! I particularly liked this line, with it's nice alliteration - so poetic:
"Balmy breezes set the fields in motion, undulating like a softly swaying flying carpet."
The final line is also beautiful and moving:
"Joining his baby sister, their laughter echoed as they darted, hand-in-hand, across the fields of forever."
Lovely - and well worth one of my sixes. Yours is a strong entry for the contest, and I wish you the best of luck. Alana
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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This is a powerful story, mystery author! I had to read it twice to realize what had happened.
The imagery you've used in your first paragraph is fabulous! I particularly liked this line, with it's nice alliteration - so poetic:
"Balmy breezes set the fields in motion, undulating like a softly swaying flying carpet."
The final line is also beautiful and moving:
"Joining his baby sister, their laughter echoed as they darted, hand-in-hand, across the fields of forever."
Lovely - and well worth one of my sixes. Yours is a strong entry for the contest, and I wish you the best of luck. Alana
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
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Thank you very much for your extremely encouraging comments, Alana. I'm very grateful for the generous rating, and I'm also happy that you enjoyed reading this short story.
Again, thank you very much! ~Anonymous :)
Comment from mfowler
It's remarkable to think that past, present and future are represented in a 100 words.
But, you've done it very skilfully.
A POW dies and the interrogators are disappointed not to have gained anything valuable from the exchange.
The story opens with what appears a dream sequence of a very cute small child's future, but ends up being the heavenly reconnection of siblings after expiry.
You write in beautiful prose, use complex and powerful story structures, and still maintain a strong 'flash' profile.
I just hope readers appraise what you've served up here. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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It's remarkable to think that past, present and future are represented in a 100 words.
But, you've done it very skilfully.
A POW dies and the interrogators are disappointed not to have gained anything valuable from the exchange.
The story opens with what appears a dream sequence of a very cute small child's future, but ends up being the heavenly reconnection of siblings after expiry.
You write in beautiful prose, use complex and powerful story structures, and still maintain a strong 'flash' profile.
I just hope readers appraise what you've served up here. Best of luck.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Well, Mark, jpduck certainly didn't. He saw fit to give me four stars for it saying that 100 words isn't "adequate enough" to competently express such a thought. Huh, and here I thought it was all along. Imagine that, LOL.
Thanks for the fantastic review my friend. :)
Comment from adewpearl
lovely detail of setting in your opening
a moving, poignant closing as we realize that opening scene was all in the POW's mind, his safe place in the midst of being tortured - what a bittersweet ending
Brooke
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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lovely detail of setting in your opening
a moving, poignant closing as we realize that opening scene was all in the POW's mind, his safe place in the midst of being tortured - what a bittersweet ending
Brooke
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thanks so much for your wonderful review, Brooke. As always, i sincerely appreciate it. :)
Comment from alf collier
Hi unknown author. Ah, the sad twist at the end of this piece morphed a story to realism. I enjoyed the read. Thank you, alf
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Hi unknown author. Ah, the sad twist at the end of this piece morphed a story to realism. I enjoyed the read. Thank you, alf
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thanks so much for taking time out to read and respond to the story, Alf. Your comments are greatly appreciated. ~Anonymous
Comment from rjuselius
this is a fine piece of literary art dear anon! the ending is surprising and unpredictable. very well written and presented!
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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this is a fine piece of literary art dear anon! the ending is surprising and unpredictable. very well written and presented!
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thanks so much for an outstanding review, Rebekka. Your encouraging comments are very much appreciated, my friend.
Hugs!
~Anonymous
Comment from juliesibs
Very nice short story. This went where I was not expecting it too, but it ended in a very poignant place. The whole thing is well done and the image enhances the words.
Good luck, Julie
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Very nice short story. This went where I was not expecting it too, but it ended in a very poignant place. The whole thing is well done and the image enhances the words.
Good luck, Julie
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thanks so much for an outstanding review of this short story, Julie. I sincerely appreciate your encouragement. :)
~Anonymous
Comment from dmt1967
This is a powerful short story. So they kill him and he joins his sister, very moving and haunting all at the same time. I think the picture is very apt. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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This is a powerful short story. So they kill him and he joins his sister, very moving and haunting all at the same time. I think the picture is very apt. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thank you very much for taking the required time and effort to review the story for me, dmt. I very much appreciate it. :)
~Annymous
Comment from Cat of Letters
Fascinating idea, well executed, oops, no pun intended there!
The only fault I have with it, as this is done as dialogue between the Japanese General and his man, I would use a comma, not a period, after the names.
Unless you want to do it is a script in which case, I believe, though do not quote me, I am not a script writer, you put the name then a semicolon, and what the person says.
This is a minor technicality.
It is lovely.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Fascinating idea, well executed, oops, no pun intended there!
The only fault I have with it, as this is done as dialogue between the Japanese General and his man, I would use a comma, not a period, after the names.
Unless you want to do it is a script in which case, I believe, though do not quote me, I am not a script writer, you put the name then a semicolon, and what the person says.
This is a minor technicality.
It is lovely.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful review, Cat of Letters. I made a minor adjustment to the line you made mention of. Hopefully it reads much better for you now. I sincerely appreciate the great feedback and encouraging review. :}
~Anonymous
