Fields of Forever
100 word story contest entry45 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
The wildflower fields beckoned Jimmy and his sister, Hope. Balmy breezes set the fields in motion, undulating like a softly swaying flying carpet. A cornucopia of colorful butterflies flitted in delicate dance above the kaleidoscopic landscape.
A great little story and in a hundred words!! -- the lines above are so descriptive, they painted the scene perfectly without the picture.
good luck with the contest.
Margaret
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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The wildflower fields beckoned Jimmy and his sister, Hope. Balmy breezes set the fields in motion, undulating like a softly swaying flying carpet. A cornucopia of colorful butterflies flitted in delicate dance above the kaleidoscopic landscape.
A great little story and in a hundred words!! -- the lines above are so descriptive, they painted the scene perfectly without the picture.
good luck with the contest.
Margaret
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thanks very much, Margaret. Your reviews are always an inspiration for me to keep trying harder each and every time I set fingers to keypad. I believe I owe you a reviewer's vote nomination...
Thanks so much again, my dear friend.
~Dean
Comment from mauial
What happens at death we don't know, but it would sure be nice that at that moment something quite pleasant would be on our mind, like the opening of this story. I liked the way you put the story together.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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What happens at death we don't know, but it would sure be nice that at that moment something quite pleasant would be on our mind, like the opening of this story. I liked the way you put the story together.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thank you, mauial.
Comment from Ekim777
This is an ambitious and successful piece. The scene opens on the pristine setting of the garden of our youth; an image we might leave behind and then pursue again in our memories forever. Why do our realities have to be so stark and unforgiving. The piece is complete with a suitably tantalizing ending. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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This is an ambitious and successful piece. The scene opens on the pristine setting of the garden of our youth; an image we might leave behind and then pursue again in our memories forever. Why do our realities have to be so stark and unforgiving. The piece is complete with a suitably tantalizing ending. -Ekim777
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thank you very much for you encouraging comments, Ekim777. They are appreciated. ~Anonymous
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You are more than welcome-Ekim
Comment from Dashjianta
What starts off sounding like a happy tale of children playing quickly turns dark when it's revealed Jimmy is dead at the hands of his captors. And the presence of his baby sister implies she died before him. A well told, thought provoking story. Is the sister presence also meant to signify the death of his hope?
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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What starts off sounding like a happy tale of children playing quickly turns dark when it's revealed Jimmy is dead at the hands of his captors. And the presence of his baby sister implies she died before him. A well told, thought provoking story. Is the sister presence also meant to signify the death of his hope?
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thank you very much, Dashijianta. You are right, his baby sister died before Jimmy did, and at birth as well, although I don't come right out and blatantly say it. He never knew her until he met her in Paradise. Also, her presence is meant to signify the beginning of his hope rather than the end of it, as he is in Heaven now with her.
Again, thank you so much for your thought provoking review. It is appreciated. ~Anonymous
Comment from Dawn Munro
Ohhh, how very sorrowful (although I'm certain that ending is comforting in many ways, it's still so touching to think that Cpl. Jimmy became a child again in death and was playing with his sister...sigh...) WELL DONE!!! Good luck!
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Ohhh, how very sorrowful (although I'm certain that ending is comforting in many ways, it's still so touching to think that Cpl. Jimmy became a child again in death and was playing with his sister...sigh...) WELL DONE!!! Good luck!
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Dawn. Your thoughtful and encouraging comments pertaining to this short story are truly gratifying, and I appreciate them, each and every one. ~Anonymous.
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Oh, very much my pleasure! This is one contest I would NOT want to try to judge, I'll tell you - I LOVE the 100-word dash - just LOVE it (no matter what the stories are paying) but often I'm left feeling a bit disappointed. Not this time!!! The stories are fabulous!!! FS writers are amazing!
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I would tend to agree with you. That's why I rarely have any six star ratings left to award anyone past Tuesday usually, heh-heh :)
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Only because I have been off the site so much lately do I have any left past Monday! LOL
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Perhaps I should try that approach. I just might...;)
Comment from alexisleech
Well done! I thought it would be impossible to write a meaningful story out of one hundred words, but you have achieved it magnificently here.
The sentence; Sighing, the commander wearily hung his head...
says so much in seven words.
Good luck in the competition, I'm sure you'll do well.
Alexis x
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Well done! I thought it would be impossible to write a meaningful story out of one hundred words, but you have achieved it magnificently here.
The sentence; Sighing, the commander wearily hung his head...
says so much in seven words.
Good luck in the competition, I'm sure you'll do well.
Alexis x
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thank you very much for your encouragement, Alexis. It is immensely appreciated! :)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a wonderfully written piece. very poignant. There is a perfect symmetry at play and the language used I fantastic.
Good luck in the competition.
GMG
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Hi there,
This is a wonderfully written piece. very poignant. There is a perfect symmetry at play and the language used I fantastic.
Good luck in the competition.
GMG
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thank you, GMG. I certainly appreciate the feedback.
Comment from jpduck
The idea behind this was great - to allow a golden memory from childhood to remain a source of strength and comfort throughout life. I'm not sure you have quite pulled it off, I suspect because it isn't possible adequately to encompass it within a hundred words.
Adrian
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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The idea behind this was great - to allow a golden memory from childhood to remain a source of strength and comfort throughout life. I'm not sure you have quite pulled it off, I suspect because it isn't possible adequately to encompass it within a hundred words.
Adrian
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Adrian. I appreciate your feedback.
Comment from Jackarrie
I enjoyed reading this story, in only a 100 words it tells a lovely story with a great ending. The first verse is so poetically written. the image is a great choice
Well done, good luck in the contest. Mary
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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I enjoyed reading this story, in only a 100 words it tells a lovely story with a great ending. The first verse is so poetically written. the image is a great choice
Well done, good luck in the contest. Mary
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review the story for me, Mary. I sure do appreciate it. :)
Comment from michaelcahill
Wow. I read all of the entries, some of them quite well done. This just blew me away. So beautifully written. It transcended the prompt completely and became just a wonderful story told to perfection. How moving this was. If it doesn't win it's only because folks that can't read are voting. Congratulations on this exceptional work. mikey
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Wow. I read all of the entries, some of them quite well done. This just blew me away. So beautifully written. It transcended the prompt completely and became just a wonderful story told to perfection. How moving this was. If it doesn't win it's only because folks that can't read are voting. Congratulations on this exceptional work. mikey
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thank you very much for your most generous rating and complimentary review, Mikey. Coming from you, I take it as the highest of compliments, my friend. ;)
