The White Chameleon
Short Story26 total reviews
Comment from justafan
Very creative Mikey. I think Lucy should scurry away quickly while she can. :) I am always glancing ahead in your creations a few lines to ward off evil I guess..lol..Well done you :)
Always justafan,
Missy
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Very creative Mikey. I think Lucy should scurry away quickly while she can. :) I am always glancing ahead in your creations a few lines to ward off evil I guess..lol..Well done you :)
Always justafan,
Missy
Comment Written 26-May-2015
Comment from dmt1967
This is a well written story, but I am a little confused. The person telling the story is married, so is the girl his girlfriend, a character from his book or his wife? Thank you for sharing.
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This is a well written story, but I am a little confused. The person telling the story is married, so is the girl his girlfriend, a character from his book or his wife? Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2015
Comment from alf collier
Hi Michael. I can see this one going further. Strange that you described gender reversals to create characters. I do this as well, thought it was just my warped mind. Liked the story, have no technical knowledge on writing so just have to say its good, alf
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Hi Michael. I can see this one going further. Strange that you described gender reversals to create characters. I do this as well, thought it was just my warped mind. Liked the story, have no technical knowledge on writing so just have to say its good, alf
Comment Written 29-Jan-2015
Comment from Cookie333
Oh Mike! Now you have me imagining a crime novel with the victim all gross and juicy-what an image my friend! This one held my attention from start to finish-I wonder where these two end up? Maybe he gets involved with a real woman as opposed to a curvacious queen?
You could go lots of places with this one and I would follow.
thanks for sharing
karen
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Oh Mike! Now you have me imagining a crime novel with the victim all gross and juicy-what an image my friend! This one held my attention from start to finish-I wonder where these two end up? Maybe he gets involved with a real woman as opposed to a curvacious queen?
You could go lots of places with this one and I would follow.
thanks for sharing
karen
Comment Written 29-Jan-2015
Comment from Spitfire
Yikes! Don't kill her off. In fact she sounds like someone who would haunt you. Any woman who doesn't scream at the sight of a rat must be carrying some heavy baggage.
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Yikes! Don't kill her off. In fact she sounds like someone who would haunt you. Any woman who doesn't scream at the sight of a rat must be carrying some heavy baggage.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from ravenblack
Rex Mantooth- I thought for sure I was stepping into the memoirs of a wrestler. His writing method for female characters is certainly not yours. Mr. expert on women, his cardboard approach, the prostitute- I take this as a commentary on the state of Hollywood or entertainment in general, the lack - compared to men- of quality roles. Your passage dealing with his wife's eyes is phenomenal.
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Rex Mantooth- I thought for sure I was stepping into the memoirs of a wrestler. His writing method for female characters is certainly not yours. Mr. expert on women, his cardboard approach, the prostitute- I take this as a commentary on the state of Hollywood or entertainment in general, the lack - compared to men- of quality roles. Your passage dealing with his wife's eyes is phenomenal.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from Tatarka2
Love the title; the story not so much. Still, it's told in your own inimitable way. and includes one of your poems as well, so it gets a 5 from me. I would suggest you develop the Lake Los Angeles story instead of this one, which has been done over and over, I'm afraid
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Love the title; the story not so much. Still, it's told in your own inimitable way. and includes one of your poems as well, so it gets a 5 from me. I would suggest you develop the Lake Los Angeles story instead of this one, which has been done over and over, I'm afraid
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from Loren (7)
Hmm ... a female Philip Marlow? Sounds intriguing and I'd go for it. I'd think kind of story would take a lot of plotting and forethought (think Agatha Christie) and I'd never personally want to attempt it. Loren
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Hmm ... a female Philip Marlow? Sounds intriguing and I'd go for it. I'd think kind of story would take a lot of plotting and forethought (think Agatha Christie) and I'd never personally want to attempt it. Loren
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from Sasha
I definitely like this and do hope you plan to continue with it. You have done a great job with Tony...scary guy. Poor Lucile and want to know what he has planned for her. Great work with this one.
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I definitely like this and do hope you plan to continue with it. You have done a great job with Tony...scary guy. Poor Lucile and want to know what he has planned for her. Great work with this one.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
Comment from Zinnia48
This story is really a good read! I particularly liked the author's explanation on how he writes such great roles for women! I've always admired your use of dialogue, and how that makes each character distinctive. This story is full of suspense, and makes me speculate on the character/motives of Antonio. Since you're asking for feedback, the title is kind of obtuse (to me), and the whole second paragraph is lovely, but distracting (to me). It doesn't contribute to the whole of the story. I think this would be a great stand alone flash fiction story. Caroline
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This story is really a good read! I particularly liked the author's explanation on how he writes such great roles for women! I've always admired your use of dialogue, and how that makes each character distinctive. This story is full of suspense, and makes me speculate on the character/motives of Antonio. Since you're asking for feedback, the title is kind of obtuse (to me), and the whole second paragraph is lovely, but distracting (to me). It doesn't contribute to the whole of the story. I think this would be a great stand alone flash fiction story. Caroline
Comment Written 28-Jan-2015
