Jagged Mountain
A metaphor for a difficult,impossible challenge.32 total reviews
Comment from hifein
the metaphor of the mountain representing intrigue and the possibility of trying something new, yet fearing the ultimate fall. if you don't try..... anyway, enjoyable and thoughtful.
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the metaphor of the mountain representing intrigue and the possibility of trying something new, yet fearing the ultimate fall. if you don't try..... anyway, enjoyable and thoughtful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi LoannaLois - A metaphor in free verse about a real challenge you are trying address. The metaphor in the form of a mountain shows how hard the challenge is. You are afraid you will fall/fail. Remember nothing ventured ....... Good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
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Hi LoannaLois - A metaphor in free verse about a real challenge you are trying address. The metaphor in the form of a mountain shows how hard the challenge is. You are afraid you will fall/fail. Remember nothing ventured ....... Good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Loanna,
You are sooooo right. I would fail, and I would fall too!! I don't see anything wrong in putting a fake cast on, propping it up an a chaise in the club house, and chatting with all the other mountain climbers and skiers. Of course, I'd have a margarita in my hand for sustenance!
Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*:*)
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Hi, Loanna,
You are sooooo right. I would fail, and I would fall too!! I don't see anything wrong in putting a fake cast on, propping it up an a chaise in the club house, and chatting with all the other mountain climbers and skiers. Of course, I'd have a margarita in my hand for sustenance!
Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
Comment from kiwijenny
This is going to sound strange but the things I have failed at taught me the most...I failed at first year teaching and the kids ran over me...I never wanted to feel that inadequacy again and was a better mother because of it.
Love your poem
God bless and prayers for your challenge
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This is going to sound strange but the things I have failed at taught me the most...I failed at first year teaching and the kids ran over me...I never wanted to feel that inadequacy again and was a better mother because of it.
Love your poem
God bless and prayers for your challenge
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
Comment from Alan K Pease
Challenges are difficult to take on for they require courage and fortitude. Not always do I show my best. Right now I would like to take on more traditional forms of poetry but since my recent trip to China, most are narrative and seem best to use free verse or quatrains. Your poem seems to fit the definition very well and I wish you much luck in the contest.
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Challenges are difficult to take on for they require courage and fortitude. Not always do I show my best. Right now I would like to take on more traditional forms of poetry but since my recent trip to China, most are narrative and seem best to use free verse or quatrains. Your poem seems to fit the definition very well and I wish you much luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
Comment from Sloegin
WOW! a really good post. I enjoyed the message and your ending was a surprise. (a very truthful surprise)
I can understand you wondering about tackling a difficult challenge. But from your poem's ending, I see you are being careful.
Good luck with your decision and Please, keep on writing.
Sloegin
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WOW! a really good post. I enjoyed the message and your ending was a surprise. (a very truthful surprise)
I can understand you wondering about tackling a difficult challenge. But from your poem's ending, I see you are being careful.
Good luck with your decision and Please, keep on writing.
Sloegin
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
Comment from Debbie Noland
I love your choice of this metaphor. And it is visually interesting the way you suggest the act of falling at the end by using a single word per line, creating a certain "steepness with the word arrangement itself.
I have mixed feelings about the phrase "I will fail." Content-wise you don't need it, since, essentially, to fall off the mountain = failure. But you may feel you need something there to create that "steep" look there at the end.
I also like the use of the word "jagged." The fact that this particular mountain is jagged suggests sharpness, irregularity and unpredictability, and many problems are like that.
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I love your choice of this metaphor. And it is visually interesting the way you suggest the act of falling at the end by using a single word per line, creating a certain "steepness with the word arrangement itself.
I have mixed feelings about the phrase "I will fail." Content-wise you don't need it, since, essentially, to fall off the mountain = failure. But you may feel you need something there to create that "steep" look there at the end.
I also like the use of the word "jagged." The fact that this particular mountain is jagged suggests sharpness, irregularity and unpredictability, and many problems are like that.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
Comment from emrpoems
Well executed free verse
When faced with a challenge one must determine whether it is worth going after or waiting or putting it aside.
Superb presentation
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Well executed free verse
When faced with a challenge one must determine whether it is worth going after or waiting or putting it aside.
Superb presentation
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
Comment from acerisestory
Your free verse poem is a fine entry for the contest, Loanna. The message about trying -- or not -- is an impactful one. We, as poets, felt that way in the beginning -- or at least, I did. Now, I'm willing to put my poetry out there and not afraid of falling.
I like your one-two and three word lines. I particularly like the ending with it's alliteration and feeling you've engendered with your words:
"Because
I
Will
Fail...
And
I
Will
Fall."
Well done! Best of luck in the contest. Alana
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Your free verse poem is a fine entry for the contest, Loanna. The message about trying -- or not -- is an impactful one. We, as poets, felt that way in the beginning -- or at least, I did. Now, I'm willing to put my poetry out there and not afraid of falling.
I like your one-two and three word lines. I particularly like the ending with it's alliteration and feeling you've engendered with your words:
"Because
I
Will
Fail...
And
I
Will
Fall."
Well done! Best of luck in the contest. Alana
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
Comment from Samuel Dickens
This well-written poem is a great expression of that thought. I think with most anything, you have to make yourself take that first step, for even a miniscule amount of momentum is still momentum.
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This well-written poem is a great expression of that thought. I think with most anything, you have to make yourself take that first step, for even a miniscule amount of momentum is still momentum.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
