Hell's Surprise
A snapshot of a life lived.19 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You opening paragraph with draw the reader in. They will want to follow to see where that statement leads. I love the statement: "our lives are lived out as a story and not snapshots of a point in time." This is very powerful and will invite the reader to reflect on the truth of that. This is a clever approach using an acrostic. It will impress upon the congregation the message Rich delivered by his life. I could say more, but I'm going to enjoy your writing.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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You opening paragraph with draw the reader in. They will want to follow to see where that statement leads. I love the statement: "our lives are lived out as a story and not snapshots of a point in time." This is very powerful and will invite the reader to reflect on the truth of that. This is a clever approach using an acrostic. It will impress upon the congregation the message Rich delivered by his life. I could say more, but I'm going to enjoy your writing.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Liz, thank you so much for going in the way back file to a portfolio that has too few entries LOL. I am moved by your kind words and willingness to contribute to my arsenal of information through positive feedback and reinforcement of friends.
Comment from Nosha17
I liked the way you went through all the letters to demonstrate the qualities and what kind of man this was who was being remembered at his funeral. Well expressed sentiments and good spiritual message. I spotted couple of errors, hope you don't mind: Para 1, at his funeral, Para 6, loved one's life told. Para 17 she lay by the door. Para 24, I asked him. Most enjoyable. Faye
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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I liked the way you went through all the letters to demonstrate the qualities and what kind of man this was who was being remembered at his funeral. Well expressed sentiments and good spiritual message. I spotted couple of errors, hope you don't mind: Para 1, at his funeral, Para 6, loved one's life told. Para 17 she lay by the door. Para 24, I asked him. Most enjoyable. Faye
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I appreciate your improvement suggestions and have made corrections.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Doc. This is a really nice read and a litle different to the entries I have read thus far. I think it is a great contest entry and I wish you all the best of luck in it. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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G'day Doc. This is a really nice read and a litle different to the entries I have read thus far. I think it is a great contest entry and I wish you all the best of luck in it. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I appreciate your improvement suggestions and have made corrections.
Comment from adewpearl
as we begin this afternoon. - add the period
a most thoughtful eulogy
I like the strategy of discussing his character's various aspects through an acrostic
excellent use of specific examples to illustrate each character trait :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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as we begin this afternoon. - add the period
a most thoughtful eulogy
I like the strategy of discussing his character's various aspects through an acrostic
excellent use of specific examples to illustrate each character trait :-) Brooke
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I appreciate your improvement suggestions and have made corrections.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
A sermon thinly disguised as a fictional eulogy. Unfortunately, the acrostic organization of the piece trivializes its import. It reminds the reader of a greeting card praising "MOTHER". From a purely technical standpoint, closer attention to typos is advised. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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A sermon thinly disguised as a fictional eulogy. Unfortunately, the acrostic organization of the piece trivializes its import. It reminds the reader of a greeting card praising "MOTHER". From a purely technical standpoint, closer attention to typos is advised. :) Nancy
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I appreciate your improvement suggestions and have made corrections.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Dr. Nad,
It's a nice piece of Spiritual Fiction beautifully depicting its theme.
Wording is simple as well as impressive having smooth flow, almost, throughout the story.
These lines are noteworthy:
"Let me make an observation as.............Let's always keep in mind that we live out our lives somewhere in the middle."
Please see, if possible:
i. Slight slips regarding punctuation marks and spellings can be seen.
ii. 'The A stood for Adaptable.' - The details under it can be shortened.
iii. The R stood for Religion.
When 'surely' met...[Shirley]
Interesting and Educative.
Good Luck!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Hello Dr. Nad,
It's a nice piece of Spiritual Fiction beautifully depicting its theme.
Wording is simple as well as impressive having smooth flow, almost, throughout the story.
These lines are noteworthy:
"Let me make an observation as.............Let's always keep in mind that we live out our lives somewhere in the middle."
Please see, if possible:
i. Slight slips regarding punctuation marks and spellings can be seen.
ii. 'The A stood for Adaptable.' - The details under it can be shortened.
iii. The R stood for Religion.
When 'surely' met...[Shirley]
Interesting and Educative.
Good Luck!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I appreciate your improvement suggestions and have made corrections.
Comment from chasennov
A snapshot of a life lived. "Hell's Surprise" This is a well defined commemoration of a life. I enjoyed reading the pointers and contemplated the conclusion. Well done.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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A snapshot of a life lived. "Hell's Surprise" This is a well defined commemoration of a life. I enjoyed reading the pointers and contemplated the conclusion. Well done.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from angelface2
This was a very interesting write. I loved the way it was written and enjoyed reading it very much. I particularly like the last few lines,, the 1,2,3,4 steps to changing your foundation! How true it is. :>D Miss Sally
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was a very interesting write. I loved the way it was written and enjoyed reading it very much. I particularly like the last few lines,, the 1,2,3,4 steps to changing your foundation! How true it is. :>D Miss Sally
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting.
Comment from Ulla
I do like your story line. I certainly has potential.
The commas are missing in places: Okay(,) when.....
Driving past a cementary(,) you could count.....
I also think that more spaces are needed between paragraphs. Will read easier.
Richard came along (and) slowly but surely: omit and
Well done and best of luck
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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I do like your story line. I certainly has potential.
The commas are missing in places: Okay(,) when.....
Driving past a cementary(,) you could count.....
I also think that more spaces are needed between paragraphs. Will read easier.
Richard came along (and) slowly but surely: omit and
Well done and best of luck
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 4 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I appreciate your improvement suggestions and have made corrections.
Comment from MelB
I enjoyed reading this life of Rich. It sounds like he was a good man. I liked the acrostic format also. One recommendation, I would either put a hyphen between the 2 letters in the acrostic line or delete one of the letters.
It reads C C for compassion
Would change to C - C for compassion or just C for compassion.
The ending is of course, the most important part. The way to change your foundation. Good read and well written.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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I enjoyed reading this life of Rich. It sounds like he was a good man. I liked the acrostic format also. One recommendation, I would either put a hyphen between the 2 letters in the acrostic line or delete one of the letters.
It reads C C for compassion
Would change to C - C for compassion or just C for compassion.
The ending is of course, the most important part. The way to change your foundation. Good read and well written.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I appreciate your improvement suggestions and have made corrections.
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I am always getting things in right under the deadline too! I am always finding out about a contest at the last minute. Darn work gets in the way! Haha
