Redemption
In another life...26 total reviews
Comment from Acquired Taste
Engaging story from the start, although it may have something to do with my Irish background. It was remarkably believable in light of today's harrowing political threats and violence. I thought the para describing the little girl and her mum was particularly good.
Congrats on winning the contest. Good write. AT=/
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Engaging story from the start, although it may have something to do with my Irish background. It was remarkably believable in light of today's harrowing political threats and violence. I thought the para describing the little girl and her mum was particularly good.
Congrats on winning the contest. Good write. AT=/
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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I am from Northern Ireland and this was a bit f a tough write for me. I wanted to link it in with more current issues too. The little girl's description was based on my own little three year old girl!
Many thanks for the review. As always, much appreciated.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I recently wrote a story similar to this in style and content, except mine was set in the 'Nam, called "Cat & Mouse". I hope your story is received far better than my own has been.
If what I've read is any indication, then it certainly should be. It's a thoroughly engaging tale of misguided patriotism, a chance at redemption for past sins, and one in which the "good guy" comes out on top.
The writing is crisp, very polished, as are the descriptions of time, place and happenings. The ending was especially good. As Johnny Depp's character, author Mort Rainey, says in the film, "Secret Window" -- an adaption of Stephen King's short story, "Secret Garden, Secret Window":
"You know...
...the only thing that matters is the ending.
It's the most important part of the story, the ending.
And this one...
...is very good.
This one's perfect."
Well done, and good luck in the contest. ~Dean
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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I recently wrote a story similar to this in style and content, except mine was set in the 'Nam, called "Cat & Mouse". I hope your story is received far better than my own has been.
If what I've read is any indication, then it certainly should be. It's a thoroughly engaging tale of misguided patriotism, a chance at redemption for past sins, and one in which the "good guy" comes out on top.
The writing is crisp, very polished, as are the descriptions of time, place and happenings. The ending was especially good. As Johnny Depp's character, author Mort Rainey, says in the film, "Secret Window" -- an adaption of Stephen King's short story, "Secret Garden, Secret Window":
"You know...
...the only thing that matters is the ending.
It's the most important part of the story, the ending.
And this one...
...is very good.
This one's perfect."
Well done, and good luck in the contest. ~Dean
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Hi Dean,
Many thanks for the great review. The competition has now finished and I did indeed win. I was really pleased as this was a tough write. I have been lucky this week and have won all 3 competitions I have entered.
I was shocked at the voting results in the Darkness competition at the voting. Some of the entries weren't that good but picked up votes anyway. I loved Cat & Mouse, as you know and thought it an excellent take on the prompt.
Again many thanks for the review and the rating.
Gareth
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Yeah, I felt Cat & Mouse was one of the best stories I'd ever written, but not too many reviewers have, and the voters certainly did not. That's why I promoted it so highly, I wanted it to get exposure.
I won't make that mistake again. If I feel a story I've written is "good", I'll assign it a base certificate, shove a couple of pumps its way and hope for the best.
Congratulations on your recent contest successes. I wish I could make the same claim.
~Dean
Comment from Ulla
Very well written and very moving. Northern Ireland is controversial but you your take on it is revealing. I don't have a lot to say on your writing other than it is tough language, but that is how it is, I suppose
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Very well written and very moving. Northern Ireland is controversial but you your take on it is revealing. I don't have a lot to say on your writing other than it is tough language, but that is how it is, I suppose
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Many thanks for your thoughts on the piece. this was a tough write. I am from Northern Ireland and that's how it was / is. I change my writing style based on what I am writing. I try to have something to say rather than just write.
Many thanks again. It is much appreciated.
Comment from chasennov
Redemption" So, IRA justice is still being meted out in Ireland? This story you have designed and created here was well worth the read, and what's more, I enjoyed the power of it. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Redemption" So, IRA justice is still being meted out in Ireland? This story you have designed and created here was well worth the read, and what's more, I enjoyed the power of it. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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They are all still at it on both sides. It is not as bad but just not reported any longer. Splinter groups they call them these days. My family still live there in Belfast. I left in 1994 for work. It is a great place though and "the troubles" are very insular.
Many thanks for the review. Much appreciated
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You are most welcome, and glad you are amongst us. Kind regards. Chasennov.
Comment from dmt1967
This was a great story. I wish I had a six to give you as I think this story deserves one. I lied the story from start to finish and couldn't stop reading. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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This was a great story. I wish I had a six to give you as I think this story deserves one. I lied the story from start to finish and couldn't stop reading. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Many thanks for the great review. Much appreciated
Comment from gypsycaravan
Powerful story. You told it well. The emotion is dripping out of it. Amazing the pull to righteousness a small, frightened child can create. Good job.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Powerful story. You told it well. The emotion is dripping out of it. Amazing the pull to righteousness a small, frightened child can create. Good job.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Thank you so much for your feedback. It is much appreciated as always
Comment from jpduck
This is a seriously good story, seriously well written. I loved the crisp, gritty style. But there are far too many typos and SPAGs (the ones I spotted are listed below). I find it hard to imagine that you did any serious proof reading after you had finished writing. You are too good a writer not to know that final editing is an important part of the process. Sorry, to come on so heavily about this, but I have strong feelings on the subject.
'He had been a couple *of* years ahead of me in school in my brother's year'
'Tensions were still running high at the end *of the* 1990s'
'I have no idea where they got their shit from*;* there weren't just handguns.'
'but the five year old ha*d* suffered extensive burns'
'Standing in a long queue because that's what we do*, w*hen in through the doors'
'There are eight of us *i*n total including the two female cashiers'
'The last two hostages are a wom*a*n and her kid'
'pardon the cliche' (Why should we?! Search for an alternative which is not a cliche).
'If you had told me, way back when[,] I first picked up a petrol bomb or gun*,* that I would be here'
'thinking on how *I* used to worship another flag of red, white and blue.'
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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This is a seriously good story, seriously well written. I loved the crisp, gritty style. But there are far too many typos and SPAGs (the ones I spotted are listed below). I find it hard to imagine that you did any serious proof reading after you had finished writing. You are too good a writer not to know that final editing is an important part of the process. Sorry, to come on so heavily about this, but I have strong feelings on the subject.
'He had been a couple *of* years ahead of me in school in my brother's year'
'Tensions were still running high at the end *of the* 1990s'
'I have no idea where they got their shit from*;* there weren't just handguns.'
'but the five year old ha*d* suffered extensive burns'
'Standing in a long queue because that's what we do*, w*hen in through the doors'
'There are eight of us *i*n total including the two female cashiers'
'The last two hostages are a wom*a*n and her kid'
'pardon the cliche' (Why should we?! Search for an alternative which is not a cliche).
'If you had told me, way back when[,] I first picked up a petrol bomb or gun*,* that I would be here'
'thinking on how *I* used to worship another flag of red, white and blue.'
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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No problem with mistakes being pointed out at all. Honest and real reviews all the way. I always appreciate your thoughts and input. I have corrected those issues now. I am a bit mystified how so many crept in though. Most were not in my original version which I uploaded. I have had issues with this and have mentioned it to the powers that be, along with weird spacing and errant code!
Many thanks again. Always appreciated.
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You're very welcome.
Adrian
Comment from Cat of Letters
I found this a very impressive story. Not only does it come across as very authentic in terms of 'The Troubles', it is powerfully written, and a 'page turner'.
The details are superb. The building of the cop shop . . . 'Legitimate targets'.
The detail of the little girl hostage who wets her pants is excellent.
Couple of minor textural errors:
I WAS (missed out) more afraid of UVF catching up with me
'There ARE (missed out) two black youths, (comma) with their headphones blaring. I think it is music, (comma) but I am not quite sure.
Give it another, slow proof read.
This is so good, so topical, and so well written. I really do hope it wins the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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I found this a very impressive story. Not only does it come across as very authentic in terms of 'The Troubles', it is powerfully written, and a 'page turner'.
The details are superb. The building of the cop shop . . . 'Legitimate targets'.
The detail of the little girl hostage who wets her pants is excellent.
Couple of minor textural errors:
I WAS (missed out) more afraid of UVF catching up with me
'There ARE (missed out) two black youths, (comma) with their headphones blaring. I think it is music, (comma) but I am not quite sure.
Give it another, slow proof read.
This is so good, so topical, and so well written. I really do hope it wins the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Many, many thanks for the review and I'll go sort those textural bits now. It is very much appreciated.
Comment from samsaysagain
Good. This is a very fast paced accounting of the violent world that surrounds us in many countries today. Life in parts of Ireland are prone to sneak bomb attacks and many lives are lost as the result. People who normally would not become violent do so as a means of survival.
In your story I liked the fact that an innocent child was able to see through the warlike violence and be unafraid to show love and thanksgiving to one who gave her a feeling of safety . Your ending did a good job of tying up any loose endings that remained in these words
"Fate guided my way to this moment. It has given me redemption." -- redemption, what we all need when we have fallen from our own standards.
I rated this 4 stars due to the fact no warning was noted for violence or language.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Good. This is a very fast paced accounting of the violent world that surrounds us in many countries today. Life in parts of Ireland are prone to sneak bomb attacks and many lives are lost as the result. People who normally would not become violent do so as a means of survival.
In your story I liked the fact that an innocent child was able to see through the warlike violence and be unafraid to show love and thanksgiving to one who gave her a feeling of safety . Your ending did a good job of tying up any loose endings that remained in these words
"Fate guided my way to this moment. It has given me redemption." -- redemption, what we all need when we have fallen from our own standards.
I rated this 4 stars due to the fact no warning was noted for violence or language.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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There is plainly a warning at the top of the page about the language content. On posting the story, both language and violence were marked as high by myself but for some reason the site has decided to not display this. I think this a little unfair bu that is your prerogative.
Oh and Northern Ireland is not part of Ireland, by the way. It is a separate country and actually part of the United Kingdom.
Comment from country ranch writer
IT STILL WAS A BOMBING THAT TOOK A MOTHER AND DAUGHTERS LIFE SURE I KNOW YOU ALL CALL it a causality of war but it is still murder!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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IT STILL WAS A BOMBING THAT TOOK A MOTHER AND DAUGHTERS LIFE SURE I KNOW YOU ALL CALL it a causality of war but it is still murder!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Firstly, NO ONE DIED in the petrol bombing.
Your statement is actually very offensive 'sure I know you all call it a casualty of war but it is still murder'. Never in my life have I referred personally to this. I abhor the violence that I had to lie under as a child and young man. I call I out and out TERRORISM. I left my home at 21 to get away from all that crap. I was never involved in this sort of thing but I was on the receiving end.
I had been beaten up, stabbed, spat on and been in three bomb blasts myself. NEVER assume guilty by association.
The denouement at the end of the story is actually very true. how do you define murder. America has the death penalty - MURDER.
Did you know that America in the 1980s and 1990s were funding the IRA and supplying them with guns - President RONALD REAGAN, no less.
Didn't America illegally track down BIN LADIN and kill him - MURDER or do you use a different defining method.
If it was not your intention to offend I am sorry but you did not achieve that.
One man's terrorist is another man's hero, I am afraid is very true I'm afraid and who are we to point the finger. I am not saying any of this is right but who are we to judge.
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I DON'T SIT IN JUDGEMENT ON NO ONE AND IF I OFFENDED YOU I AM TRULY SORRY/ IT WAS NOT MY INTENTION.WHEREAS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHAT IDIOTS DO IN POLITICS. I AM NOT A POLITICAL PERSON.
I AM JUST AN OLD COUNTRY GAL LIVING MY LIFE OF PAIN (HEALTH ISSUES)AND TAKING CARE OF HUBBY WHO IS LEGALLY BLIND SINCE HIS STROKE. SO I AM NO BETTER OR WORSE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD.
