Redemption
In another life...26 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
A couple of minor typos, but a brilliantly written story told by an accidental terrorist who discovers his morality and finally makes amends for a horrible mistake. Congratulations on your win. Well deserved. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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A couple of minor typos, but a brilliantly written story told by an accidental terrorist who discovers his morality and finally makes amends for a horrible mistake. Congratulations on your win. Well deserved. :) Nancy
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Thank you very much Nancy. Your thoughts are much appreciated
Comment from Zue65
Wow this really deserved to win the contest. The story line is relevant and there is a redeeming factor in the end of the story with the change of mindset of the main character, helping the victims under the terrorists' clutches, of which he previously had traveled before. What an excellent write.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Wow this really deserved to win the contest. The story line is relevant and there is a redeeming factor in the end of the story with the change of mindset of the main character, helping the victims under the terrorists' clutches, of which he previously had traveled before. What an excellent write.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Many, many thanks for your thoughts on this. It really is very much appreciated
Comment from mfowler
Powerful story, Gerard.
The whole redemption theme is played out beautifully as your terrorist/hero saves the girl in the bank to make up for his transgressions at the Catholic school.
Your understanding of the groups and the conflicts seems authentic and you generate great reality in the story by having the amazing detail included.
The attitudes and development of the central character are excellent and very convincing. I found the language, while rough in parts, to be perfect for the type of people you are talking about. My only niggle was the emphasis on 'show' rather than 'tell'. It's not a biggie as the story is so well written. I congratulate you on a fine story and your obviously deserved win in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Powerful story, Gerard.
The whole redemption theme is played out beautifully as your terrorist/hero saves the girl in the bank to make up for his transgressions at the Catholic school.
Your understanding of the groups and the conflicts seems authentic and you generate great reality in the story by having the amazing detail included.
The attitudes and development of the central character are excellent and very convincing. I found the language, while rough in parts, to be perfect for the type of people you are talking about. My only niggle was the emphasis on 'show' rather than 'tell'. It's not a biggie as the story is so well written. I congratulate you on a fine story and your obviously deserved win in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Many thanks Mark. I know it's rough and as it's mostly told by the main character it was hard to get away from that perspective.
Much appreciated
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I think you had to go in hard. Imagine a mamby pamby terrorist. Not too authentic.
Comment from Sis Cat
What can I say? This was excellent. Your story gripped me from the beginning and would not release me until the end. Although your story was about the UVF, it made me think about the terrorist attack in Paris and wonder "What if a former UVF member had stopped them?"
I love your last line, "After all, one man's terrorist is another man's hero," because it reflects the double-side perspective on things.
Congratulations on your win!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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What can I say? This was excellent. Your story gripped me from the beginning and would not release me until the end. Although your story was about the UVF, it made me think about the terrorist attack in Paris and wonder "What if a former UVF member had stopped them?"
I love your last line, "After all, one man's terrorist is another man's hero," because it reflects the double-side perspective on things.
Congratulations on your win!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Many thanks for your thoughts on this. It was inspired by both true events (I am from Northern Ireland originally) both in Northern Ireland and the December hostage situation in Australia when a café manager was killed attempting to disarm a gunman.
Your review is much appreciated.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
giraffmang:
Well, I can see I don't have to wish you luck in this contest as you have won it - and deservedly so. I wish I had a six left, but don't. Your writing is clear, concise and gives no illusions about what it is like to be a terrorist - even as one who has reformed himself. This story of redemption could not have been foreseen, I believe, which is what made your entry so great.
thanks for sharing
jan
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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giraffmang:
Well, I can see I don't have to wish you luck in this contest as you have won it - and deservedly so. I wish I had a six left, but don't. Your writing is clear, concise and gives no illusions about what it is like to be a terrorist - even as one who has reformed himself. This story of redemption could not have been foreseen, I believe, which is what made your entry so great.
thanks for sharing
jan
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Hi Jan, many thanks for reading and for your thoughts. it is very much appreciated
Comment from ravenblack
Wow! This is damn good! Your narrator believable, his voice enjoyable, sense of place spot-on and your action scene at the end, wresting the gun and taking them out quick and sleek as it should be. And the line where he smells the piss and it is the best smell he has ever smelt- a great, unique way to express his redemption. Excellent story. I see why you won the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Wow! This is damn good! Your narrator believable, his voice enjoyable, sense of place spot-on and your action scene at the end, wresting the gun and taking them out quick and sleek as it should be. And the line where he smells the piss and it is the best smell he has ever smelt- a great, unique way to express his redemption. Excellent story. I see why you won the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Many thanks for your thoughts and the kind words. It is very much appreciated.
Comment from thee-name
Excellent story. Writing was interesting.
I NEVER BELIEVED IN FATE UNTIL THAT DAY. STANDING ON THE PRECIPICE, WITH A GUN POINTED AT MY HEAD.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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Excellent story. Writing was interesting.
I NEVER BELIEVED IN FATE UNTIL THAT DAY. STANDING ON THE PRECIPICE, WITH A GUN POINTED AT MY HEAD.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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Many thanks for the review. The writing is very stylised for this one as its mostly narrative from one point of view. Your review is very much appreciated.
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THANK YOU!
Comment from makril0075
Loved your work
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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Loved your work
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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What?!?!?
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Loved your work
Comment from MusingsOfMWH
While I may not be comfortable with the profanity your narrator uses in your entry, it is consistent with his background, so I'm fine with letting that issue go. (I work in an office environment where I'll surely be "written up" if I so much as use the word hell to express my exasperation with a computer system that has not quite kept up with the 21st century.)
Your use of strong descriptive language to give details about the narrator's surroundings, especially with the climatic confrontation with his worthless-punk-gunmen adversaries, makes your story very successful--small wonder you won the competition. Well done!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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While I may not be comfortable with the profanity your narrator uses in your entry, it is consistent with his background, so I'm fine with letting that issue go. (I work in an office environment where I'll surely be "written up" if I so much as use the word hell to express my exasperation with a computer system that has not quite kept up with the 21st century.)
Your use of strong descriptive language to give details about the narrator's surroundings, especially with the climatic confrontation with his worthless-punk-gunmen adversaries, makes your story very successful--small wonder you won the competition. Well done!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Yep, I work with children so we don't use profanity ever! This is my background and upbringing, although I hasten to add that it is not autobiographical although I have suffered at the hands of these idiots as most in the Province have. The language is, unfortunately, part of the culture.
Many thanks for the open review. It is very much appreciated.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Bravo! Little wonder this was the winner. Very interesting and kept my attention all the way thru. I like how the little girl encouraged you to make amends for the one you harmed. Wish I had a six left for this.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Bravo! Little wonder this was the winner. Very interesting and kept my attention all the way thru. I like how the little girl encouraged you to make amends for the one you harmed. Wish I had a six left for this.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Many thanks, Phyllis. I am glad this did well as it was a tough write. It took a bit out of me as I don't like to remember some of the things about my background. This was not autobiographical but it is where I'm from and sadly some of these things were an all too frequent occurrence.
Many thanks again for your thought. They are very much appreciated
