Sins of the Father
A Horror Sonnet Contest Entry88 total reviews
Comment from PatVallesMangan
Dean, you have certainly WELL met the Horror Sonnet requirement! lol ;) Sometimes I wonderful if its through incarnation, that this less than desirable accompaniment, ( or "gifts unsavory," a deliciously evil description,) is given to us at birth. Indeed we do see the trends in families and groups with the same mindset. Certainly gives us a lot o ponder! The rhyme works so well with this very interesting topic. This is really quite an impacting poem and I think it will be a strong contender in the contest. The visual aspect was extremely well done as well. Blessings! Pat :)
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Dean, you have certainly WELL met the Horror Sonnet requirement! lol ;) Sometimes I wonderful if its through incarnation, that this less than desirable accompaniment, ( or "gifts unsavory," a deliciously evil description,) is given to us at birth. Indeed we do see the trends in families and groups with the same mindset. Certainly gives us a lot o ponder! The rhyme works so well with this very interesting topic. This is really quite an impacting poem and I think it will be a strong contender in the contest. The visual aspect was extremely well done as well. Blessings! Pat :)
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me about this poem, Pat, and for taking the required time to read and review it for me. I'm happy to know that you feel it will be a strong contender, and only time will tell. There's certainly some very stiff competition in this.
Much obliged, my friend. :)
~Dean
Comment from Alan K Pease
I think this what the North Koreans do to punish their citizens for alleged crimes against the state - at least 3 generations. It hard to think why I would be punished as a bipolar person when neither of their families nor them had this illness and as loving parents raised me well with good values.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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I think this what the North Koreans do to punish their citizens for alleged crimes against the state - at least 3 generations. It hard to think why I would be punished as a bipolar person when neither of their families nor them had this illness and as loving parents raised me well with good values.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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You wouldn't think so, would you, Alan? And yet, in millions of homes and countless families all across the globe, it happens. Only through a concentrated effort to break the bondages of addiction, abusive violence through counseling, and the tolerance of religious differences can such generational curses be broken. That, and prayer. Lots and lots of prayer.
Thank you for your review.
Comment from Dustybones
Oh my, I have some insane traits form my dad's mental side. Gee, good thing is I have mostly my mothers genes. Here have you ever heard this song by Midnight Oil.
Few of the sins of the father
Are visited upon the son
Hearts have been hard
Hands have been clenched into fists too long
Your poem gives the song new meaning. I never think too much into lyrics, although I should.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Oh my, I have some insane traits form my dad's mental side. Gee, good thing is I have mostly my mothers genes. Here have you ever heard this song by Midnight Oil.
Few of the sins of the father
Are visited upon the son
Hearts have been hard
Hands have been clenched into fists too long
Your poem gives the song new meaning. I never think too much into lyrics, although I should.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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I must admit, I've never heard the song, DB, but I'll make sure to seek it out now that you've mentioned it.
Thanks very much for dropping by and reviewing this work for me. I really do appreciate it. :}
~Dean
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You are one smart guy!
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Ha-ha-hawell, Dusty, I'm really glad to know that you think so, LOL. Opinions do vary slightly here in that regard.
Thanks again! :}
~Dean
Comment from thee-name
Excellent poem. Poem was smooth reading, and rhymed.
WITH FRACTURED PORCELAIN - IN BONE WHITE SKIN
WAITING SO PATIENT, SEE ALL THAT YOU DO.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Excellent poem. Poem was smooth reading, and rhymed.
WITH FRACTURED PORCELAIN - IN BONE WHITE SKIN
WAITING SO PATIENT, SEE ALL THAT YOU DO.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Thank you for reading, THEE-NAME. Much obliged.
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THANK YOU!
Comment from tfawcus
'Woebegone lullabies borne straight from hell / hold your heart hostage' sums up the idea of inherited faults concisely whilst also suggesting how hard it is to escape from them. I have known just such a family - my grandfather, my uncle, my cousin and his son - four of a kind, stubborn in their conflicts, one generation to the next.
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'Woebegone lullabies borne straight from hell / hold your heart hostage' sums up the idea of inherited faults concisely whilst also suggesting how hard it is to escape from them. I have known just such a family - my grandfather, my uncle, my cousin and his son - four of a kind, stubborn in their conflicts, one generation to the next.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
Comment from adewpearl
strong rhyming in good English sonnet format, including the proximate rhyme of frailties/miseries
good alliteration in phrases like waiting,watching
great descriptive detail, so easy to visualize, like the curled lips
and good appeal to senses not limited to the visual, like the reeking stench
good word choices, like loathsome and unsavory to create a dark mood
while you do not use consistent iambic meter, the cadence when read aloud is strong, and this is, to me, more about the horror than adhering to composition rules of an English sonnet :-)
and horror there is plenty of in a most compelling fashion :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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strong rhyming in good English sonnet format, including the proximate rhyme of frailties/miseries
good alliteration in phrases like waiting,watching
great descriptive detail, so easy to visualize, like the curled lips
and good appeal to senses not limited to the visual, like the reeking stench
good word choices, like loathsome and unsavory to create a dark mood
while you do not use consistent iambic meter, the cadence when read aloud is strong, and this is, to me, more about the horror than adhering to composition rules of an English sonnet :-)
and horror there is plenty of in a most compelling fashion :-) Brooke
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Thank you, Brooke. What you've written here in your encouraging review is worth more to me than a whole bushel of six star ratings. I am very happy you liked it, I really struggled (and still am!) to try and get this just right.
Thanks again. ~Dean :)
Comment from madhatter1977
Very good, Dean! It scanned very well as I read it and I have thought of that part in the bible before, not that I'm a believer as such, but we grow up with it in the west. Which probably makes me a sinner (Scream!). Oh well, I'll be in good company! Great writing! Pete :)
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Very good, Dean! It scanned very well as I read it and I have thought of that part in the bible before, not that I'm a believer as such, but we grow up with it in the west. Which probably makes me a sinner (Scream!). Oh well, I'll be in good company! Great writing! Pete :)
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Thanks so much, Pete, I am very happy to see that you enjoyed it. As always, thanks for dropping by.
~Dean
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
A rather sobering thought indeed.
As always this poem is well written and presented with a very thought provoking message.
How dreadful to be forever bound by the sins of forebears down through generations.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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A rather sobering thought indeed.
As always this poem is well written and presented with a very thought provoking message.
How dreadful to be forever bound by the sins of forebears down through generations.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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It is, Shirley, but the chains of generational curses can be broken with God's help and a lot of prayer.
Thank you very much for your review. ~Dean
Comment from flamingstar
Yes, a lot of those undesirable traits are passed on consciously or unconsciously. I know I used to play the passive dependent female role like my mother until I figured out it was learned behavior that I could change.
I really struggled with the meter on this one although the rhymes were perfect, but I think I've seen you write that you don't care that much about meter...
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Yes, a lot of those undesirable traits are passed on consciously or unconsciously. I know I used to play the passive dependent female role like my mother until I figured out it was learned behavior that I could change.
I really struggled with the meter on this one although the rhymes were perfect, but I think I've seen you write that you don't care that much about meter...
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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I don't pay too much attention to the meter of other poets whom I review, but I do care about my own. I'm especially struggling to get this one right as sonnets require a very strict format and rhyme scheme. I have made numerous edits since you first reviewed this. I'll get it right eventually, I hope. :)
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Dean. Fortunatley I leave both classic fs and the new format open at the same time, I couldn't see the words on the new. Mate this is one deep dark piece that I had to read 4 times and each time it scared me more. I think you have done it again with a contest entry. Great work, good luck in the comp, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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G'day Dean. Fortunatley I leave both classic fs and the new format open at the same time, I couldn't see the words on the new. Mate this is one deep dark piece that I had to read 4 times and each time it scared me more. I think you have done it again with a contest entry. Great work, good luck in the comp, cheers Fez
Comment Written 26-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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I do the same thing, Fez. For some reason, any text you italicize can not be seen on the new upgraded site, but shows up just fine on Classic. And I rarely go to the new site. I don't care much for it.
Go figure.
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I have noticed in the last couple of days that a black background has something to do with it also. I think it was Genya put one on a black background and the same thing happened. Cheers Fez
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It's very frustrating, for sure.
