Let's Talk Dirty!
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Sample Chapter"The story about three women who need to make money
11 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
I noticed the changes you've made, nice word 'fusion'. :-)
She picked up her mobile to phone Jenny in the hope she might know what she should do to sort it out.
(replace 3rd 'she' with 'Karen'.)
I only went on those bloody sites to do some research. How was I to know some gremlin would take over my internet connection?'
(replace both 'some's. ...........bloody sites to do --research. How was I to know 'a' gremlin would take over my internet connection?"
This one was fun. Average people can be so clueless as to what happens when they click on certain sites. I had an elderly lady I visited in my volunteer work. Her computer was constantly infiltrated with porn, to which she rightly protested innocence. Her male children didn't have a problem at all using her computer and totally fouling it up. Useless sods.
Karen really does live in her own little self created world, doesn't she? Yep, that iPad will help when her legs get lopped off from the diabetes. Sighhhh......
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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I noticed the changes you've made, nice word 'fusion'. :-)
She picked up her mobile to phone Jenny in the hope she might know what she should do to sort it out.
(replace 3rd 'she' with 'Karen'.)
I only went on those bloody sites to do some research. How was I to know some gremlin would take over my internet connection?'
(replace both 'some's. ...........bloody sites to do --research. How was I to know 'a' gremlin would take over my internet connection?"
This one was fun. Average people can be so clueless as to what happens when they click on certain sites. I had an elderly lady I visited in my volunteer work. Her computer was constantly infiltrated with porn, to which she rightly protested innocence. Her male children didn't have a problem at all using her computer and totally fouling it up. Useless sods.
Karen really does live in her own little self created world, doesn't she? Yep, that iPad will help when her legs get lopped off from the diabetes. Sighhhh......
Comment Written 15-May-2015
reply by the author on 18-May-2015
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Good morning, Sue! Pouring rain here in Glasgow and very miserable! Thank you for catching those. Your eagle eye is really appreciated! Alexis x
Comment from Curly Girly
I enjoyed reading this chapter. The story is progressing well, and I like the chat between the two women. Visiting dodgy sites on the internet often ends up with problems. True to reality, and a warning to others.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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I enjoyed reading this chapter. The story is progressing well, and I like the chat between the two women. Visiting dodgy sites on the internet often ends up with problems. True to reality, and a warning to others.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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This actually happened to me after my son and his friend went on porn sites on my computer while my husband and I were out one evening (do you remember the days when households just had one computer?!) I had to get someone from the internet department of Glasgow's police headquarters to talk me through eradicating it. It still happens, but the anti virus programme are much more sophisticated these days, so people only get caught out if they don't have one that's up to date. Phew!
Alexis x
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
LOL, this is getting funnier by the minute! I love the back stories in this, and now they have been caught out my male shop assistant! LOL! :)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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LOL, this is getting funnier by the minute! I love the back stories in this, and now they have been caught out my male shop assistant! LOL! :)
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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I have to confess, I had great fun writing this chapter, especially the next bit! Thank you again for reviewing this and the other chapters. Alexis x
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This is the chapter I howled with laughter at!
Comment from Glasstruth
Now, it's gotten very interesting, as curiosity is at full alert. Karen seems very naïve about the whole thing and where will it lead is the big question. I just wonder about this section: " into the car and set off for the emergency department at Stob Hill Hospital." What if you left out "at Stob Hill Hospital," as the reader probably doesn't care about the name, and that's it's the emergency dept. is enough. A fun read. Write on! Les
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Now, it's gotten very interesting, as curiosity is at full alert. Karen seems very naïve about the whole thing and where will it lead is the big question. I just wonder about this section: " into the car and set off for the emergency department at Stob Hill Hospital." What if you left out "at Stob Hill Hospital," as the reader probably doesn't care about the name, and that's it's the emergency dept. is enough. A fun read. Write on! Les
Comment Written 20-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Great suggestion Les. When I first included the name of the hospital it was to make it more familiar to Glaswegians, but hopefully it will eventually reach a bigger audience! Thank you so much for your review. Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
the only audible noise was either grunts or groans while some tattooed super-stud ground away at a woman who was doing her best to simulate the throws of passion.--This made me chuckle! Great writing!!
It was the first time she'd had any appetite since they'd had the lamb shanks on Saturday night, so enjoyed eating it while she sat --
This transition wasn't smooth and I was a bit confused. Are you saying she hadn't had an appetite since the drunk night and was hungry again AND was enjoying another lamb shank? I think that's what you're trying to say but need to tweak it a bit. :-)
I LOVE how you leave me hangin' at the end of each chapter. I really enjoyed this. Fun read.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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the only audible noise was either grunts or groans while some tattooed super-stud ground away at a woman who was doing her best to simulate the throws of passion.--This made me chuckle! Great writing!!
It was the first time she'd had any appetite since they'd had the lamb shanks on Saturday night, so enjoyed eating it while she sat --
This transition wasn't smooth and I was a bit confused. Are you saying she hadn't had an appetite since the drunk night and was hungry again AND was enjoying another lamb shank? I think that's what you're trying to say but need to tweak it a bit. :-)
I LOVE how you leave me hangin' at the end of each chapter. I really enjoyed this. Fun read.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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I see what you mean, so I'll have another look at that. I wouldn't want the readers to think Karen is such a glutton that she would polish off a lamb shank as a Scooby snack on Monday morning! Great advice as usual. Thank you so much. Alexis x
Comment from adewpearl
you get into Karen's thoughts/attitudes well
the throws of passion - throes
great detail of the porn site experience
good use of natural-sounding dialogue
Brooke
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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you get into Karen's thoughts/attitudes well
the throws of passion - throes
great detail of the porn site experience
good use of natural-sounding dialogue
Brooke
Comment Written 20-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Thank you so much for spotting that, and your encouraging review. Both are really appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Oh, oh, they are in trouble! Karen is foolish not taking care of her leg. Diabetes is nothing to play with when it comes to wounds. She had better get serious about it and help it heal. These old girls had better make up their minds and start making some money. Sink or swim! It's a dog eat dog world anymore. LOL Nancy
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Oh, oh, they are in trouble! Karen is foolish not taking care of her leg. Diabetes is nothing to play with when it comes to wounds. She had better get serious about it and help it heal. These old girls had better make up their minds and start making some money. Sink or swim! It's a dog eat dog world anymore. LOL Nancy
Comment Written 20-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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I'm glad to say I did a fair bit of research into this, so know how right you are. Karen's character is based on a real person (she gave me written permission!) and although she had a leg infection, she not only carried on drinking brandy, but she didn't take the antibiotics prescribed. Don't worry. Karen is about to see the light! Alexis x
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I enjoyed this - you're such a natural, Alexis.
Some parts made me smile: BRANDY coffee!! in the morning - this could become a habit.
All the porn popped up - that made me laugh, as I remember googling "a fighting cock bird" for a picture to post on a chapter of my book and you can guess what popped UP amongst the chickens !!
(')You've been hacked
Margaret
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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I enjoyed this - you're such a natural, Alexis.
Some parts made me smile: BRANDY coffee!! in the morning - this could become a habit.
All the porn popped up - that made me laugh, as I remember googling "a fighting cock bird" for a picture to post on a chapter of my book and you can guess what popped UP amongst the chickens !!
(')You've been hacked
Margaret
Comment Written 20-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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This actually happened to me when my teenage son and his friend were left 'home alone' for the first time when my husband and I went out for dinner. Come Monday morning, my secretary couldn't get onto the internet because it was locked into various porn sites. Boy, did he get a telling off when he got back from school! Sorry to say, it still happens, but only if your security is out of date.
Thank you so much for your review and shiny six - both are really appreciated. Alexis xxx
Comment from Spitfire
You're right. The action is picking up. I'm sitting here worried that one of Karen's kids will come home and head for the computer. Handy contrivance to give her an infected legs and thus have her friend get her out of the house. A fast paced and fun read.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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You're right. The action is picking up. I'm sitting here worried that one of Karen's kids will come home and head for the computer. Handy contrivance to give her an infected legs and thus have her friend get her out of the house. A fast paced and fun read.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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When I first discussed the idea of writing this book, one of my friends had cellulitis, so it was an easy one to write about. She also added brandy to every cup of coffee she drank, and refused to take her pills, so ended up at A&E. As they say, 'fact is often stranger than fiction!'
Comment from samsaysagain
Good. The story as a whole lacks much as far as real research is concerned. It has little
factual information found that the gals could draw on to gather reliable percentages as to how much the sites being explored are legitimate or planted to make their percentages look good for publicity. The chit-chat back and forth had some comical lines and kept the story moving well. Thanks.
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reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Good. The story as a whole lacks much as far as real research is concerned. It has little
factual information found that the gals could draw on to gather reliable percentages as to how much the sites being explored are legitimate or planted to make their percentages look good for publicity. The chit-chat back and forth had some comical lines and kept the story moving well. Thanks.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Glad to say, I have at least 5,000 words concerning the required research within the 75,000 words already written - but they're not relevant to this early part chapter. Perhaps you could read those in following chapters before suggesting their nonexistence.
