Dream Girl
The crush you had in grade school reappears 20 years later.24 total reviews
Comment from gypsycaravan
I sure didn't see that coming. Boy, he had a long memory and never followed through. I wonder what would have happened if he had called her. Very well-written story.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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I sure didn't see that coming. Boy, he had a long memory and never followed through. I wonder what would have happened if he had called her. Very well-written story.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Thank you for sharing my story and your very kind praise.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What a sad ending. I thought she was quite interested in Billy. This is really well written, from start to finish. It's strange when you meet a childhood crush, most times they have turned out totally different to what we remember.
Good luck in the contest, you have used the subject matter well. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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What a sad ending. I thought she was quite interested in Billy. This is really well written, from start to finish. It's strange when you meet a childhood crush, most times they have turned out totally different to what we remember.
Good luck in the contest, you have used the subject matter well. :) Sandra
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Thank you, Sandra, for such an encouraging review.
Comment from alf collier
Hi there. This is a very worthy entry into the contest. I started to read and just kept going. You had my attention from first to last word, and the ending was fantastic -- very credible, alf
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Hi there. This is a very worthy entry into the contest. I started to read and just kept going. You had my attention from first to last word, and the ending was fantastic -- very credible, alf
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Thank you, alf, for such a positive and encouraging review. So pleased the story kept you enthralled.
Comment from kittykatnoel
Nicely written story, an excellent contestant for the "Fate" writing prompt contest. I like how the story ended with the two not actually getting together. Fun, engaging story.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Nicely written story, an excellent contestant for the "Fate" writing prompt contest. I like how the story ended with the two not actually getting together. Fun, engaging story.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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I am delighted you enjoyed the story. Thank you for sharing and your kind remarks.
Comment from giraffmang
This competition has thrown up so many different kind of entries the vote will be interesting!
I liked this one. The flow was great throughout the piece and the dialogue spot on. I wouldn't have called her again either!
Nicely done.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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This competition has thrown up so many different kind of entries the vote will be interesting!
I liked this one. The flow was great throughout the piece and the dialogue spot on. I wouldn't have called her again either!
Nicely done.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and your kind praise.
Comment from MelB
I always made sure you had yours had your name on it." - I think this is supposed to be I always made sure yours had your name on it.
It is a good story, but I can't help thinking that he missed out on something that could have been really good. I know she did not remember him, but they were just kids. A lot changes after kids grow up.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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I always made sure you had yours had your name on it." - I think this is supposed to be I always made sure yours had your name on it.
It is a good story, but I can't help thinking that he missed out on something that could have been really good. I know she did not remember him, but they were just kids. A lot changes after kids grow up.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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You--and several others--make a good point. I'd have to agree with you, but then I'm not Billy. Thanks for sharing and pointing out my error.
Comment from Leineco
I really like the surprise ending! It's so much more gratifying than the expected..."and they all lived happily ever after"!
I like the notion that her perfection didn't add up to the penny. . .she didn't remember him. . . and that was part of the twenty year fantasy.
Nicely done :-)
(5 stars) = EXCELLENT. I would recommend this to a friend! I enjoyed the read and found both the content and the construction admirably accomplished.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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I really like the surprise ending! It's so much more gratifying than the expected..."and they all lived happily ever after"!
I like the notion that her perfection didn't add up to the penny. . .she didn't remember him. . . and that was part of the twenty year fantasy.
Nicely done :-)
(5 stars) = EXCELLENT. I would recommend this to a friend! I enjoyed the read and found both the content and the construction admirably accomplished.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Thank you, Leineco, for your very kind comments and encouraging review. So pleased you liked the ending.
Comment from Deniz22
You idiot! Just kidding...this is fiction, right? You captured the "crush stage" very well. This, however, (I think) is an unfortunate wording: "but I saw question marks in her pupils." I'm sorry, but this gives a cartoonish impression to me. I think it better to say something like, "I saw a question in her eyes". Picky stuff, I know, but I'm trying to help. :) Good work, seriously.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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You idiot! Just kidding...this is fiction, right? You captured the "crush stage" very well. This, however, (I think) is an unfortunate wording: "but I saw question marks in her pupils." I'm sorry, but this gives a cartoonish impression to me. I think it better to say something like, "I saw a question in her eyes". Picky stuff, I know, but I'm trying to help. :) Good work, seriously.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Glad my story prompted such a strong reaction. I truly appreciate your sharing and your very astute suggestion.
Comment from dmt1967
This is such a sad story. I so wanted a happy ending. Meeting after so long and having a relationship, maybe getting married... Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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This is such a sad story. I so wanted a happy ending. Meeting after so long and having a relationship, maybe getting married... Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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Apparently I disappointed many of my readers with this ending. I truly appreciate your sharing my story and your best wishes.
Comment from adewpearl
you set the stage well in your opening
good use of natural-sounding dialogue
you work back story in well
I like your narrator's narrative voice
beaming/blushing - good use of non-verbal communication throughout
I love the way you show how they click and how much this dream girl whom he always thought inaccessible likes him and gives out every signal that she is now interested
what an ending - he never calls her! Talk about holding onto the past and allowing it to get in the way of the future. What a sad sad case he turned out to be. Brooke
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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you set the stage well in your opening
good use of natural-sounding dialogue
you work back story in well
I like your narrator's narrative voice
beaming/blushing - good use of non-verbal communication throughout
I love the way you show how they click and how much this dream girl whom he always thought inaccessible likes him and gives out every signal that she is now interested
what an ending - he never calls her! Talk about holding onto the past and allowing it to get in the way of the future. What a sad sad case he turned out to be. Brooke
Comment Written 20-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2015
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I am delighted you enjoyed the story despite its sad ending, Brooke. Thank you for sharing and your wonderful comments.
