Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

I love this form, Steve. It is one of my favourites but I haven't written many. This one is particularly well-written and it's hard to believe it could be your first attempt. It sounded very natural and romanticly sad. Giddy

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015

Thanks, Giddy - it IS a lovely form and more difficult than I had thought.

Steve

Comment from GracieAnn

Excellent

Steve, this octogram is constructed according to the specs, as it were yet convey an unforced flow of thought and elicits the emotion intended. Well done. :0 GracieAnn

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015

Thank you for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Strong rhymes in great octogram rhyming pattern
excellent use of steady iambic meter, which Sally points out is essential to producing the characteristic cadence of this form
nice alliteration in phrases like sea on silken sand
beautiful descriptive detail
strong verbs
excellent enjambment
soulful expression of heartfelt emotion - a truly lovely octogram, my friend :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015

Thanks, Brooke.

I've always wanted to write one - it was a little harder than I thought handling the multiple rhymes and deciding on a good refrain, but at least I've broken my duck.

Steve

reply by adewpearl on 19-Jan-2015

you acquitted yourself quite well and inspired me to write another :-)

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

I tried a couple of these, Steve, but I always found it difficult to retain smooth flow in 'abrupt' 4-syllable lines, even if incorporating perfect meter.

You've done an excellent job, and I particularly like the abundant though subtle alliteration.

Sad romantic tale effectively told.

Nice one.

Cheers, Ray

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015

Thanks, Ray.

Yes, I found it a little more difficult than I thought.

Steve

Comment from cupa tea

Excellent

Love the image you placed with the poem. I have to agree the days with someone you live are indeed Golden...Your poem is simple and easy to understand...that's my kinda poem...

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

Wistful reminiscences of love and related memories. Interesting poetic form, with good use of rhyming and well chosen descriptive words. Congratulations on your recent achievements. I am not going to be on the site much this year, I have too many projects to undertake, so will only make spasmodic postings and reviews. It also gives me time to recuperate from an eye operation and sickness over Christmas. Enjoyable read. Faye

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015

Thanks, Faye.

Sorry to hear you have been unwell. Take it easy - I am sure your poetic mind will still be churning, though.

Just curious - what sort of eye operation? I may have to undergo a corneal transplant in the future...

Steve

reply by Nosha17 on 20-Jan-2015

You're welcome. I am fully recovered now and enjoying my period of relaxation after the pressure. I had had a cataract for about 8 years, after suffering lens damage due to glaucoma, the Dr was unwilling to operate then. He said now was the right time as the older you get the riskier it gets. Anyway, I removed the patch the next day and I could see so much better. Hope yours goes well whenever you have it done. Faye

Comment from Drew Delaney

Excellent

This turned out really great, kiwi. I thought you did a fabulous job writing this and to keep the rhythm the way it is supposed to go really worked well. I loved the cadence. Well done. Drew xx

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015

Thanks, Drew - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

I didn't count every syllable, but I see the pattern. I'm guessing your octogram hews to the lines. And since the
content is not lost in mysticism-excellent.

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015

Sometimes it's hard to find a poem that's understandable enough to review! Not likely to get mysticism from me.

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

This is a super first attempt and I applaud your stunning work. I especially like that despite the dark moments, you start and end on the positive. Lovely work with this one and I do hope your plan to write many more.

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015

Thanks, Sasha - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

Hi Steve,

I didn't realize the Octogram was created by a Fan Storian -- I love this style. With such quick paced meter and enjambment throughout, this begs to be put to music.

Hugs,
Lou

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015

Thanks, Lou.

Yes, Sally Yocom is a very talented poet - I haven't seen her posting much recently...

Steve