Ninety to One
An old yearbook unlocks a son's grief.46 total reviews
Comment from emrpoems
This is a great story of a well accomplished individual. I have a daughter who will probably be like your dad. I was never crazy about award so don't be hard on yourself. It really doesn't matter after all. One we are happy to be who we are. A well written chapter with lots of emotion.
moved at a good pace and was well developed
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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This is a great story of a well accomplished individual. I have a daughter who will probably be like your dad. I was never crazy about award so don't be hard on yourself. It really doesn't matter after all. One we are happy to be who we are. A well written chapter with lots of emotion.
moved at a good pace and was well developed
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2015
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Thank you, emrpoems, for giving my story its forty-sixth and final review before the certificate expired. I appreciate the comments and encouragement of all who reviewed my "well written" work. I now turn my attention to submitting it for publication. Thank you for all of your kind thoughts and words.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Sure the yearbook brought back good memories. Well written and descriptive language holds reader's interest throughout. Write on.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Sure the yearbook brought back good memories. Well written and descriptive language holds reader's interest throughout. Write on.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Thank you for your fine review. I much appreciate your time and effort. Thanks.
Comment from tfawcus
What a fabulous piece of writing. The art of the storyteller is so evident in its construction. Sure, any father would be proud. Life is never about emulating others, always about expressing ourselves. Variety is the source of human achievement. Crying for a stillborn life was a phrase that really hit home in this. I think we all feel like that sometimes when we measure ourselves against our heroes. They say that we never truly grow up until our parents have departed. Storytellers provide the thread holding the wisdom of generations together.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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What a fabulous piece of writing. The art of the storyteller is so evident in its construction. Sure, any father would be proud. Life is never about emulating others, always about expressing ourselves. Variety is the source of human achievement. Crying for a stillborn life was a phrase that really hit home in this. I think we all feel like that sometimes when we measure ourselves against our heroes. They say that we never truly grow up until our parents have departed. Storytellers provide the thread holding the wisdom of generations together.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Thank you for your fine, six star review. It was only after my parents departed--eleven weeks apart--that I grew up. After a twenty year hiatus, I began to write stories. Although shy, I threw myself on stage to perform my stories. All of those hours in front of audiences, all of those stories heard, seen, and read influenced the construction of my story which you noted.
I like your comment that "Storytellers provide the thread holding the wisdom of generations together," because it echoes my conviction that storytelling is the thread that connects us. Thank you, my friend, for your fine review.
Comment from TAB_that's me
I truly enjoyed your story. You may not measure up to your Dad in athletics or signatures in a yearbook but I'm sure you outweigh in many ways that count more than those. Don't live with the regrets of things not said.
Teresa
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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I truly enjoyed your story. You may not measure up to your Dad in athletics or signatures in a yearbook but I'm sure you outweigh in many ways that count more than those. Don't live with the regrets of things not said.
Teresa
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Teresa, for your kind, encouraging review.
Comment from Bridge
The essay starts off very well and it managed to hold my interest till the very end. However I'll be very honest and say that I did not get the ending part of your essay. I am a novice writer and don't know much about writing but I didnt understand what happens at the end( especially in the last paragraph) except that your dad passed away..
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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The essay starts off very well and it managed to hold my interest till the very end. However I'll be very honest and say that I did not get the ending part of your essay. I am a novice writer and don't know much about writing but I didnt understand what happens at the end( especially in the last paragraph) except that your dad passed away..
Comment Written 15-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Bridge, for your kind review. The original ending of my story occurred earlier when my stepmother said my father would be proud of me. In response to reviewers who said it would have been great if my father told me that himself, I added the "You ain't seen nothing yet" deathbed scene. My father's pride in me and not his death is the core message of the closing scene, which worked for many reviewers. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Bill Schott
Terrific story! This story captures feelings that sons and daughters go through at those times when the reality of mortality force all that was, could have been, and never will be into the same moment. Super. V6
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015
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Terrific story! This story captures feelings that sons and daughters go through at those times when the reality of mortality force all that was, could have been, and never will be into the same moment. Super. V6
Comment Written 14-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Bill, for your fine review. My father's passing forced me to face "all that was, could have been, and never will be into the same moment." Although I had not written any stories in twenty years, I resumed writing. I am glad I shared our story. Thanks.
Comment from penneylane
This was a very nice story, and very well written. I especially liked the imagery you used of your father laying in a hospice bed, surrounded by all of his trophies. He sounds like a competitive man, but I like to think that his trophies in the room included his family as well. I'm sure he would be extremely proud of you and your talent.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015
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This was a very nice story, and very well written. I especially liked the imagery you used of your father laying in a hospice bed, surrounded by all of his trophies. He sounds like a competitive man, but I like to think that his trophies in the room included his family as well. I'm sure he would be extremely proud of you and your talent.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015
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Thank you for your kind review. Yes, my father had all of his Certificates of Excellence and awards on the walls and shelves of the living room where he transitioned, but his greatest trophies were his family. Thank you for your kind thoughts.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A very deep and meaningful write about you, your father, and
your feelings - he was a father to be proud of - most certainly. Thank you for sharing this with us. Sis Cat.
One suggestion - just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
In the very first lines you've repeated "year book" - you've already told the reader "twice" that's what you're referring to, so might you consider editing the next sentence thus:
averaged fifteen signatures per page on the front and back ends of his(.) [[green yearbook.]] Silver letters embossed on the (green)cover read "Joshua Tree '51" - cut the sentence off at "his" with a period. And move the "green" to before "cover" so you haven't lost it.
Good luck with publishing.
Margaret
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015
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A very deep and meaningful write about you, your father, and
your feelings - he was a father to be proud of - most certainly. Thank you for sharing this with us. Sis Cat.
One suggestion - just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
In the very first lines you've repeated "year book" - you've already told the reader "twice" that's what you're referring to, so might you consider editing the next sentence thus:
averaged fifteen signatures per page on the front and back ends of his(.) [[green yearbook.]] Silver letters embossed on the (green)cover read "Joshua Tree '51" - cut the sentence off at "his" with a period. And move the "green" to before "cover" so you haven't lost it.
Good luck with publishing.
Margaret
Comment Written 14-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Margaret, for your heartfelt review and suggestions. I will look into it. Thank you for the well wishes.
Comment from Joan E.
You are a terrific storyteller and you pay wonderful tribute to your father. I hope you have the story published so that more readers may enjoy it. The intriguing title and the yearbook photos beckoned us into your piece. Thank you for sharing these deeply personal memories and your father's talking about you. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015
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You are a terrific storyteller and you pay wonderful tribute to your father. I hope you have the story published so that more readers may enjoy it. The intriguing title and the yearbook photos beckoned us into your piece. Thank you for sharing these deeply personal memories and your father's talking about you. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 14-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Joan, for your thoughtful, encouraging review. This story began as a story I performed on stage and I hope it ends as a story published on the page. Thanks.
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I hope so too--best wishes- Joan
Comment from Autumn Splendour
Thanks for sharing this moving story about growing up under the shadow of your father. I know what it's like because I grew up under the shadow of an elder sister who turned out to be more brilliant academically and parents and teachers started comparing. We are all gifted in different ways. I'm glad you found your niche and I'm glad your father acknowledged your talent. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015
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Thanks for sharing this moving story about growing up under the shadow of your father. I know what it's like because I grew up under the shadow of an elder sister who turned out to be more brilliant academically and parents and teachers started comparing. We are all gifted in different ways. I'm glad you found your niche and I'm glad your father acknowledged your talent. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2015
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Yes, Autumn Splendour, we are all gifted in different ways. I found my niche in storytelling. Thank you for your review.
