Comment from Acquired Taste

Excellent

Okay then ... am thinking I should never again walk on soft earth, crumbling logs, fragile leaves, or mossy banks - ever. I love the phrase: Should soft shadows slither - serpentine. Personally, I'd use my .38.

Amazingly, I see reference to the shadowy vermin that make our laws, control our finances and cleverly attempt to limit our freedoms. I think the photo belies your true intent, but that's me.

Wishes for good luck in this contest. AT=/

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

As I've said in the past, you're a very perceptive reviewer, Jean. Your assessments never disappoint. Thanks so much for your generous rating and excellent review. I sincerely appreciate it. :}

Comment from Clockwise

Good

A poem where every line begins with the same letter is an interesting concept. A successful poem that follows such a rule would be one where the gimmick goes mostly unnoticed. The poem here is suffocated by all the 'essess.'

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 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

Thanks, Clockwise, and I appreciate you opinions. Under "normal" circumstances you would most probably be correct. However, this was not written under normal circumstances, it was written for a contest for alliteration; ie, all the words in the poem must begin with the same letter. See the rules here for further information... http://www.fanstory.com/writingpromptdetails.jsp?id=101398

Nice usage of a variation of my last word, "suffocation" in my poem, Clockwise. My, my, aren't we the clever one? Heh-heh...

Comment from evilynne

Exceptional

Such sneaky nasty serpents! Another nightmare in the making. Well written and enjoyably scary, and all the lines do start with the same letter. Evi

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

Thanks for your exceptionally kind comments and rating, Evi. I am very grateful for those!

I fully realize that too much of a good thing is sometimes bad, and alliteration is no different as it pertains to poetic devices. When used sparingly, it can be quite effective. If used excessively, well... let's just say you'll probably hear about it, especially in haiku and senryu. It's absolutely taboo there. I took this on as a challenge more than anything else, to see if I could create a rhyming, somewhat well-metered and coherent poem using words which all begin with the letter "S". There are a couple of other things where some thought went into this as well. The text, all of the first letters, snake down the page like a serpent. If you take all of the S's, and read down, you get "S-S-s-s-s-s-s-s-sssssss", like the hissing of a snake. That's where the idea and inspiration for this poem came from in the first place, the hissing sound a snake makes. Thanks for an excellent and encouraging review. I sincerely appreciate your time taken in doing so. :}

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

As with many of the entries, you start all your words with the same letter, but to me, they are not all actual alliteration, which is the fault of the contest rules
SH and S words are not, to me, alliterative with each other
vivid and emotionally intense descriptive detail - love the poem, but when I vote in this contest I always look for one that has true alliteration all the way through :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

H-m-m-m-m. And here I always thought that alliteration simply meant the commencement of two or more words of a word group with the same letter, as in "apt alliteration's artful aid."

Here's an excerpt from YourDictionary.com (http://examples.yourdictionary.com/alliteration-examples.html), and what they had to say to children about alliteration: "Alliteration is a term that describes a literary stylistic device. Alliteration occurs when a series of words in a row (or close to a row) have the same first consonant sound. For example, "She sells sea-shells down by the sea-shore" or "Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers" are both alliterative phrases. In the former, all the words start with the 's' sound, while in the later, the letter 'p' takes precedence. Aside from tongue twisters, alliteration is also used in poems, song lyrics, and even store or brand names."

She sells sea shells...looks like some "SH" words there to me, Brooke.

Thanks for your review. We learn something new everyday simply by reading, don't we? :)

reply by adewpearl on 12-Jan-2015

They are right when they say consonant SOUNDS but wrong with the she sells example - for instance, in the other direction, funny Philistines is alliterative though those words begin with PH and F. I am sure if the guy who wrote the yourdictionary.com definition and I had a debate, I would win :-)

reply by adewpearl on 12-Jan-2015

put this phrase into Google search - alliteration-letters or sounds? You'll see a bunch of websites that agree with me

reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

LOL, like I said, I learn something new everyday, and I don't doubt it one bit that you are right, Brooke. But we...novice poets, those trying to learn and haven't been doing it as long, can only go by what we are told or taught by others. That's why I need to take one of the classes you teach, right? :)

reply by adewpearl on 12-Jan-2015

yep, I'd love to have you in class, and one of the reasons is because the site has so many prompts and contests that don't give novices the correct information. People read contest directions and assume they're right. Heck, I'd assume they were right too if I were just starting to explore poetry. That is why I don't deduct points from the rating when I believe contestants have been misled by the site. I just don't vote for one unless it's the real deal :-)

reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

Got 'cha. I don't like to either, and I won't as long as I know the difference. :)

reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

I'm on disability so coming up with the additional funds to take the classes is a bit difficult. So far, I have $40.00 saved towards one, I'm just not sure which class to take that would help me to improve the most. Which one of your classes would you suggest? Obviously I would like to learn additional forms and how structured meter works most of all. That is where I struggle most I think.

reply by adewpearl on 12-Jan-2015

Rhyme and meter is a good opportunity to learn structured meters. Sonnets and other forms goes into some of the more complicated formal poetry types the most. Understanding poetry gives the best overview of all the aspects of poetry from meter to poetic devices to themes. Sounds like you'd do best with a custom combination of all of these. For that I'd suggest signing up for poetry tutorial, where the student and I can concentrate on exactly what that person wants to learn and on what he wants to cover. I totally understand the lack of funds thing - there are months when I ask my pastor to help me out from his "discretionary funds." When my car needed a new battery and a long-overdue tune up a couple months ago, I got help from someone in my congregation who is lucky enough to have way more money than I do. And then there are guys who know how to throw a ball into a hoop who own twenty cars and five houses...

reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

Hah, yeah, go figure, right? maybe we should have been born 6'10" tall. That may have enhanced our chances in that arena, LOL. But, I'm just 5'7", so I think I'll stick with writing. Besides, I hate basketball anyhow. :)

Thanks for the info, Brooke. When the time comes, and I have the required funds saved, I'll get back with you before I sign up for any of the poetry classes.

reply by adewpearl on 12-Jan-2015

:-)

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Exceptional

Oh my goodness, I just wonder who wrote this one!!! This is written so well, not only keeping the one letter (s) in this alliteration contest, but you wrote a rhyming one too! Now that takes some doing. Well done you, and good luck in the contest. xsx sandra

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

Comment from mshirachot

Exceptional

SUPER! Surprisingly solid statements sending serious spiritual sentiments. Subtly supercedes series.
signed: silly Shira

Seriously! This is the best one I've read thus far. Incredible use of wording to complete entire sentence structure.

Loved this! You got my vote unless there is another one that blows me out of the water!


Best wishes with the contest entry.
Thanks for sharing it.
Blessings to you!
Marsha

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Exceptional

Well my last 6 and its only early in the week, but how could I not give it to you for the this amazingly well written poem with every word starting with S. What's more, it rhymes and makes absolute sense. What an achievement. Well done anon (H'm!!!) Good Luck in the contest - looks like a foregone conclusion to me. Warm regards Dorothy x

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

Comment from Debra White

Excellent

Hi :) This is really well done.
You've met and gone the extra mile with the prompt requirements here!
I love that you rhymed your poem, it makes sense and you wrote more than the minimum lines requested.
Great presentation (although the text is really small)
Good luck in the voting booth! You deserve to do well :)
Kindest regards, Debra

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens

Exceptional

Bravo............................................................. you did it. I got tongue tied on a couple of the words, but hey, that many words about the snake and all starting with the letter S requires a six star review.
Outstanding...
:-) Carolyn

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

slinking,sneaking snakes slide by trying not to be noticed so they can slip and slide and squeeze you quietly till you die just don't look them in the eye you will see so much pains he has cause on those around him

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

You got it, country, nailed it right on the head! You have to watch 'em 'cause they'll sneak up on ya!

Thanks for the review. Much obliged my friend. ;}

reply by country ranch writer on 12-Jan-2015

i will give them a wide berth

reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

Me too!

reply by country ranch writer on 12-Jan-2015

s m i l e our computers has snakes runnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

reply by the author on 12-Jan-2015

S-s-s-s-s-s-s-sssssssssssss... ;)