When Blood Collides
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Mother Moves In"A family's love is tested.
35 total reviews
Comment from Eigle Rull
HA! This is great. I can feel your frustration being hooked into something you were not looking forward to. Your wording really puts me into this as an observer. Especially after she's put a bundle of money into "YOUR" home for her own benefit.
I watched my own mom do about the same thing with my sister. Before she passed away, mom had changed my sister's personality for the worst. Don't let her do the same to you, my friend. I'm happy to say that my sister is back to normal now.
This piece was very well written, interesting, and it held my attention well. I am looking forward to the next part of it. Oh yeah, I LOVE the comic picture.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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HA! This is great. I can feel your frustration being hooked into something you were not looking forward to. Your wording really puts me into this as an observer. Especially after she's put a bundle of money into "YOUR" home for her own benefit.
I watched my own mom do about the same thing with my sister. Before she passed away, mom had changed my sister's personality for the worst. Don't let her do the same to you, my friend. I'm happy to say that my sister is back to normal now.
This piece was very well written, interesting, and it held my attention well. I am looking forward to the next part of it. Oh yeah, I LOVE the comic picture.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 06-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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My mom passed away ten years ago. Interesting about the change in personality. She might have done that had I been home all day instead of teaching.
Comment from Sasha
Caring for an elderly person is a major job and one that has torn many families apart. I do like the humor you have injected into this...without humor, we would go insane, I know I would. I like the idea of adding more to your book. This will give interesting background to an already marvelous and deeply moving story.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Caring for an elderly person is a major job and one that has torn many families apart. I do like the humor you have injected into this...without humor, we would go insane, I know I would. I like the idea of adding more to your book. This will give interesting background to an already marvelous and deeply moving story.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Thanks, sasha. As I worked on the revision, I realized this incident led to important dynamics that affected my relationship with Bobbie's mother.
Comment from humpwhistle
Shari, this piece is so short, I'm not sure how to judge it, so I'll stick to technical things.
Frankly, it feels like a first draft to me. Choppy.
And maybe you're overworking your dialogue tags. Best to keep them short and simple, then add whatever action you need separately.
These are just my initial thoughts, Shari.
Peace, Lee
He (had) convinced himself, (so) before I could stop him, he issued the invitation. Mom jumped at the offer. -- Shari I think these suggestions improve the flow.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Shari, this piece is so short, I'm not sure how to judge it, so I'll stick to technical things.
Frankly, it feels like a first draft to me. Choppy.
And maybe you're overworking your dialogue tags. Best to keep them short and simple, then add whatever action you need separately.
These are just my initial thoughts, Shari.
Peace, Lee
He (had) convinced himself, (so) before I could stop him, he issued the invitation. Mom jumped at the offer. -- Shari I think these suggestions improve the flow.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Thanks for your honesty, Lee, and I made the suggested changes.
Hugs,
Shari
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very interesting. I'm sure your mom really appreciated all that you and your hubby did for her in her final years. We bought my mom a condo... a "nice" way of throwing her out of our house. Just couldn't live with her and Nick both. Mark agreed it was for the best. We ended up losing a ton of money, but it was worth it to see her happy there for ten years. And to NOT have her taking over my kitchen and telling me how to raise my kid. :)
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Very interesting. I'm sure your mom really appreciated all that you and your hubby did for her in her final years. We bought my mom a condo... a "nice" way of throwing her out of our house. Just couldn't live with her and Nick both. Mark agreed it was for the best. We ended up losing a ton of money, but it was worth it to see her happy there for ten years. And to NOT have her taking over my kitchen and telling me how to raise my kid. :)
Comment Written 06-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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I hear you, but my kids were long gone. But I'll be writing about small things that got on my nerves. Although, compared to living with Frank's constant confusion, life with Mom was a peach.
Comment from IndianaIrish
I certainly understand how having a parent move into your home brings about changes in your life. I had my mom move in with me when she was sick, but then she had to stay. The short story is well written and look forward to Part 2. I suggest change the period to a comma before she bubbled.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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I certainly understand how having a parent move into your home brings about changes in your life. I had my mom move in with me when she was sick, but then she had to stay. The short story is well written and look forward to Part 2. I suggest change the period to a comma before she bubbled.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 06-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Thanks for the suggestion. Think I made a couple of changes there. I envy those who don't resent this imposition. Six months would have been okay, but to the end of her life?? Trust me, I'll take assisted living over imposing on my children. I would feel like the child and they the adult. No thanks.
Comment from gypsycaravan
Bet you never saw her share of the inheritance, either. Ha Can't wait for more of your stories. They are always so technically correct but such fun. Thanks for posting. I love your solution for a burglar in the house. LOL
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Bet you never saw her share of the inheritance, either. Ha Can't wait for more of your stories. They are always so technically correct but such fun. Thanks for posting. I love your solution for a burglar in the house. LOL
Comment Written 06-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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I had a floor to almost the ceiling window in the master bedroom. Although a vicious sharp cactus grew outside.
You're right about the inheritance. You won't believe what happened to the family unit.
Comment from jpduck
This sounds a little as if you are being taken over; is that how it feels to you? It seemed like a very short piece. Might it not have been better with more of the 'to be continued' bit added?
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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This sounds a little as if you are being taken over; is that how it feels to you? It seemed like a very short piece. Might it not have been better with more of the 'to be continued' bit added?
Comment Written 06-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Hey, give me a break. I have to get my six pieces in before longer posts. LOL Yep, definitely felt like a takeover! My idea was Assisted Living. Mom wanted family. Needless to say, I never suffered the Empty Nest Syndrome.
Comment from Domino 2
Great to know you acquired such a fearsome, alert and physically fit body guard, Shari. ;-)
This reflects the old saying, 'give someone an inch, and they'll take a mile', but of course Mom's attitude was understandable, as she wanted to be thoroughly entangled with her angelic daughter...you! :-)
Without meaning to sound mercenary, this appears an excellent financial deal for you, and you're getting your sister's share of the inheritance which is a bonus, as I recall you don't like her much. :-)
Excellent write.
Cheers, Ray xx
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Great to know you acquired such a fearsome, alert and physically fit body guard, Shari. ;-)
This reflects the old saying, 'give someone an inch, and they'll take a mile', but of course Mom's attitude was understandable, as she wanted to be thoroughly entangled with her angelic daughter...you! :-)
Without meaning to sound mercenary, this appears an excellent financial deal for you, and you're getting your sister's share of the inheritance which is a bonus, as I recall you don't like her much. :-)
Excellent write.
Cheers, Ray xx
Comment Written 06-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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We did love the enlarged kitchen and later on, when Mother moved out--yep, that's a soap opera story, Frank took over her bedroom. We each loved having our own space. Maybe that's why the marriage has lasted this long. LOL
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Great to see you got a brilliant deal in the end, though it's a shame mom is now living in a cardboard box in a shop doorway just to get away from you. HAHAHA! XX
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Smarty pants. :-)
Comment from tfawcus
This certainly sounds like the thin end of the wedge! How dearly we value the privacy of our own home, whether it be the freedom to roam unclad or to caste aside the restrictions of other social mores for a time.. Mothers, in particular, have a way of cramping our style. After all the teenage trauma of cutting the apron strings, there can be few things more demoralising than having them sewn on again. Your use of dialogue and self-talk in this short piece is what makes it come alive for me.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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This certainly sounds like the thin end of the wedge! How dearly we value the privacy of our own home, whether it be the freedom to roam unclad or to caste aside the restrictions of other social mores for a time.. Mothers, in particular, have a way of cramping our style. After all the teenage trauma of cutting the apron strings, there can be few things more demoralising than having them sewn on again. Your use of dialogue and self-talk in this short piece is what makes it come alive for me.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Thanks, Tony, for the insightful review and the analogy of apron strings. Mothers can never be just another good friend IMO.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hah, yep, that's how it usually happens, Spit. One spouse or another gets an idea stuck in their heads (one that the other party may not be too crazy about), and before you know it, it becomes a reality. You're left standing flat-footed, wide-eyed and dumbfounded, thinkin', 'What they hell just happened?!'
It was nice of you both to have her stay with you, however. Although Frank pitched it to you as having to do with you being all alone and having someone around for safety's sake (an 83 year old woman? For safety?! U-h-h-h-...okay, LOL), I'd say he did it more for your mother than for you, truth be told.
Well done, I really enjoyed reading this. Probably far more than you enjoyed living through it at the time, heh-heh...
~Dean
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Hah, yep, that's how it usually happens, Spit. One spouse or another gets an idea stuck in their heads (one that the other party may not be too crazy about), and before you know it, it becomes a reality. You're left standing flat-footed, wide-eyed and dumbfounded, thinkin', 'What they hell just happened?!'
It was nice of you both to have her stay with you, however. Although Frank pitched it to you as having to do with you being all alone and having someone around for safety's sake (an 83 year old woman? For safety?! U-h-h-h-...okay, LOL), I'd say he did it more for your mother than for you, truth be told.
Well done, I really enjoyed reading this. Probably far more than you enjoyed living through it at the time, heh-heh...
~Dean
Comment Written 06-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015
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Hubby and Mother got along great. They would talk religion and philosophy for hours on end. Me? I was way too busy grading papers.
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Hah-ha, I hear ya! ;)
