Love Remembered
contest entry53 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
The suspense you built was engaging. Your details, like the smell of a "fresh-cut pine," the snippets of conversation and your similes as in "solid gold spoon" make the story feel very real. The warmhearted ending underscores the true meaning of Christmas. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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The suspense you built was engaging. Your details, like the smell of a "fresh-cut pine," the snippets of conversation and your similes as in "solid gold spoon" make the story feel very real. The warmhearted ending underscores the true meaning of Christmas. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 23-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Thanks so very much, Joan. I appreciate you taking time out of your travels to send along this generous and gracious review.
:) Bev
Comment from comanalbert
Very well written with quite a hook at the end, so I can only hope there's a follow up to hear the man's story in full. Yet, aside for the time frame and the good deed she's done, I fail to see the Christmas connection. Not that a Santa is mandatory to make it seasonal, but it could be just a sad story about broken destinies happening at anytime.
Merry Christmas to you too, my fiercest of competitors in this one!
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Very well written with quite a hook at the end, so I can only hope there's a follow up to hear the man's story in full. Yet, aside for the time frame and the good deed she's done, I fail to see the Christmas connection. Not that a Santa is mandatory to make it seasonal, but it could be just a sad story about broken destinies happening at anytime.
Merry Christmas to you too, my fiercest of competitors in this one!
Comment Written 23-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much for your very generous and gracious review, C. I really appreciate you taking time out to read my story at this very busy time of year. Happy Holidays, Bev
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Loved to read, very strong narrative.
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Thanks so much! :) Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is written with the warmth and understanding of someone who has faced a few trials in life, I'd guess - there's not a single thing I would change, but I'll say this - if this doesn't become a longer story, I'd be amazed. It sure would make a good one. Excellent! Best of luck in the contest, Bev.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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This is written with the warmth and understanding of someone who has faced a few trials in life, I'd guess - there's not a single thing I would change, but I'll say this - if this doesn't become a longer story, I'd be amazed. It sure would make a good one. Excellent! Best of luck in the contest, Bev.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Hi, Dawn. A fair number of folks have mentioned making this into a longer story. As you probably know, short stories can be much longer than what we normally see on the site. I appreciate your encouragement for expanding the story, I'll have to think about it - maybe even a script! You're always so generous and kind, my friend. And I truly appreciate it.
Hugs, Bev
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You are very welcome. Merry Christmas to you and yours, my friend.
Comment from S.M.E.Schultz
I've read this three times and every time it brings a lump to my throat, but I am not sure what I am reading. Is this a chapter from a book? Because I don't see the relevance of the first few paragraphs. I really like the dialogue between mother and son, and the emotional tension. I think that part of the story sands on its own. There is enough information to reveal the back story without it interfering in the present story...and enough intrigue to want to hear the rest of the story.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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I've read this three times and every time it brings a lump to my throat, but I am not sure what I am reading. Is this a chapter from a book? Because I don't see the relevance of the first few paragraphs. I really like the dialogue between mother and son, and the emotional tension. I think that part of the story sands on its own. There is enough information to reveal the back story without it interfering in the present story...and enough intrigue to want to hear the rest of the story.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much, SME. I appreciate your insights into the story. My thinking with the opening is to establish that people closest to those grieving sometimes have the hardest time knowing what to say and do. I think it is established that the man is a friend of the family.
I appreciate your taking time to read!
:) Bev
Comment from Bryana
Since David didn't see any lights he thought Jan and Jason were gone. No dinner invitation but a stranger came and helped then with a Christmas tree! I would take the tree any day.
Beautiful story, Jan and Jason did something good and at the end everybody was happy.
Lovely story my friend.
Merry Christmas!!!
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Since David didn't see any lights he thought Jan and Jason were gone. No dinner invitation but a stranger came and helped then with a Christmas tree! I would take the tree any day.
Beautiful story, Jan and Jason did something good and at the end everybody was happy.
Lovely story my friend.
Merry Christmas!!!
Comment Written 23-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Hi, Bryana. Thank you so much for this awesome review. I'm so very happy that you enjoyed this Christmas story. I do appreciate you taking time out to read and review at this very busy time of year.
Merry Christmas!
Bev
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Bev, a well penned, profound story for this season. I found your story so full of emotion it tugs at the heart strings and shows a different side to this disease so often fought alone. Excellent work as always a great read and thought provoking too.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Happy holidays,
Maureen
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Dear Bev, a well penned, profound story for this season. I found your story so full of emotion it tugs at the heart strings and shows a different side to this disease so often fought alone. Excellent work as always a great read and thought provoking too.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Happy holidays,
Maureen
Comment Written 23-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Thank you so very much, Moreen. How lovely to hear from you. And a bit ironic, because I was just reviewing your latest poem!
I always enjoy your lovely insights, my friend.
Happy Holidays to all of you,
Bev
Comment from jpduck
I enjoyed reading this, but there was something about it which bugged me a bit. I think it was that there was an ongoing tension, firstly between Jan and Jason and then between both of them and Richard, which was never brought to a head. I also could not really 'see the point' of the first section in which the lorry driver failed to pass on his wife's invitation to Jan and Jason.
One rather extreme nit-pick! -
'slow his momentum' (You can't 'slow' moment - which is the quantity of kinetic energy within an object; you can only slow speed).
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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I enjoyed reading this, but there was something about it which bugged me a bit. I think it was that there was an ongoing tension, firstly between Jan and Jason and then between both of them and Richard, which was never brought to a head. I also could not really 'see the point' of the first section in which the lorry driver failed to pass on his wife's invitation to Jan and Jason.
One rather extreme nit-pick! -
'slow his momentum' (You can't 'slow' moment - which is the quantity of kinetic energy within an object; you can only slow speed).
Comment Written 23-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from thee-name
Excellent story. Seen no mistakes.
THE DRIVER OF A BOYD'S MANUFACTURING DELIVERY TRUCK TAPPED HIS BRAKES TO SHOW HIS MOMENTUM AND STEERED HIS VEHICLE TOWARD THE CURB.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Excellent story. Seen no mistakes.
THE DRIVER OF A BOYD'S MANUFACTURING DELIVERY TRUCK TAPPED HIS BRAKES TO SHOW HIS MOMENTUM AND STEERED HIS VEHICLE TOWARD THE CURB.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Thank you for the review.
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THANK YOU!
Comment from Adri7enne
Good one, Bev. I kept expecting the guest to confess something really dramatic, but it turned out to be a good 'feel good' Christmas story. It kept me mesmerized all the way through.
Have a nice Christmas, sweet girl. I wish you much success in the New Year. Good Health, peace and prosperity, Bev.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Good one, Bev. I kept expecting the guest to confess something really dramatic, but it turned out to be a good 'feel good' Christmas story. It kept me mesmerized all the way through.
Have a nice Christmas, sweet girl. I wish you much success in the New Year. Good Health, peace and prosperity, Bev.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Thanks so much, Adrienne. I really appreciate your very gracious and generous review, my friend. Thanks, too, for taking time out to read during this busy season.
Hope you have a beautiful Christmas as well.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from kiwijenny
Thanks for this heart warning story..gritty but heart warming...
Well told story and alcoholism is a constant battle.
Merry Christmas and God bless
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Thanks for this heart warning story..gritty but heart warming...
Well told story and alcoholism is a constant battle.
Merry Christmas and God bless
Comment Written 23-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014
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Thank you much, K. Yes, all addictions are particularly hard during the holidays, I think. I really appreciate your kind insights. Merry Christmas to you, as well, Bev
