Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Body Heat"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
20 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
I have just dipped into this one.Bit the bullet as they say (silver?)
Having read this chapter I will go back and read the previous ones. this rather appeals to me. The imagery was vivid and the characters appear well drawn.
nicely done.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2014
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I have just dipped into this one.Bit the bullet as they say (silver?)
Having read this chapter I will go back and read the previous ones. this rather appeals to me. The imagery was vivid and the characters appear well drawn.
nicely done.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2014
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Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Harriett,
Ouch! Yep, the gun might be more sensible ... :)
You've really captured the drama of the chase and done a great job with the shape-shifting scene.
Lots of gore ...
Well done, dear lady!
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas.
Love,
Sonali xxx
its keen ears flick(ing) at the slightest sound
slightest sound, and dark eyes darting (on the lookout..?) for danger.
Grey and silver hair (sprouted) all over his body,... it might be better to drop 'like a Chia pet plant' .. just my opinion, of course!
(claws ..?) were as sharp as a razor's edge.
it tumble(d) uncontrollably(space)--(space)kicking up
enough dirt
Rick pounced on it, sank his fangs .. suggest: Rick pounced (drop 'on it')
Matt lay with his mouth wide (open), sucking
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Hi Harriett,
Ouch! Yep, the gun might be more sensible ... :)
You've really captured the drama of the chase and done a great job with the shape-shifting scene.
Lots of gore ...
Well done, dear lady!
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas.
Love,
Sonali xxx
its keen ears flick(ing) at the slightest sound
slightest sound, and dark eyes darting (on the lookout..?) for danger.
Grey and silver hair (sprouted) all over his body,... it might be better to drop 'like a Chia pet plant' .. just my opinion, of course!
(claws ..?) were as sharp as a razor's edge.
it tumble(d) uncontrollably(space)--(space)kicking up
enough dirt
Rick pounced on it, sank his fangs .. suggest: Rick pounced (drop 'on it')
Matt lay with his mouth wide (open), sucking
Comment Written 28-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much for reviewing and giving helpful suggestions. Have a blessed New Year.
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You too, my friend. xx
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi amahra
Good description of the change from human to wolf, nice to see it thought through so well. Good tale, and the 'fitness' of the two werewolves makes an interesting side issue.
Well written chapter, good description of the chase and the dialogue is realistic.
Patrick
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Hi amahra
Good description of the change from human to wolf, nice to see it thought through so well. Good tale, and the 'fitness' of the two werewolves makes an interesting side issue.
Well written chapter, good description of the chase and the dialogue is realistic.
Patrick
Comment Written 28-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much, Patrick. Happy New Year.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Really noteworthy writing in this chapter, Amahra. You do a great job of showing us the fascinating details of how the young men turn into wolves. The action sequence with the deer was superb writing. I also like that you opened with a brief dialogue of their human attributes of falling in love. Very well done!
:) Bev
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Really noteworthy writing in this chapter, Amahra. You do a great job of showing us the fascinating details of how the young men turn into wolves. The action sequence with the deer was superb writing. I also like that you opened with a brief dialogue of their human attributes of falling in love. Very well done!
:) Bev
Comment Written 28-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much. Your review is really encouraging to me. I'm so flattered by the six stars.
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You are a first-rate writer, Amahra. Don't let anyone ever lead you to believe otherwise. We're lucky to have writing of this caliber on FanStory - writing that educates and entertains.
:) Bev
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You have no idea how your words have given me new hope. I was feeling down because my book is so different and complex with a lot of characters, I wasn't being read by my fans and was going to stop posting it. Bless you, Bev.
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I'm glad you feel re-charged, Amahra. There's a certain bias on this site. People want feel good stories with happy endings - and make them as succinct as possible LoL. If you look at what's being published in terms of poetry and short stories 'out there', you get a feel for the expanding parameters of creative writing which should never become formulaic. Anyway, just sharing some of my own observations.
:) Bev
Comment from thee-name
Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Keep on writing.
EVERY MONTH, MATT PORTER AND HIS COUSIN RICK WENT DEER HUNTING IN NORWICH FOREST.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Keep on writing.
EVERY MONTH, MATT PORTER AND HIS COUSIN RICK WENT DEER HUNTING IN NORWICH FOREST.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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THANKS.
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THANK YOU!
Comment from michaelcahill
Hi. I'm no totally clear on the story line etc. However, the writing here engages me right away. I love the personality of the werewolves. It's great that they have some nice normal human characteristics. That makes me interested in them right away. The chase scene with the deer was mega exciting and written perfectly. The transformation from human to wolf was most cool as well. This is some great stuff. mikey
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Hi. I'm no totally clear on the story line etc. However, the writing here engages me right away. I love the personality of the werewolves. It's great that they have some nice normal human characteristics. That makes me interested in them right away. The chase scene with the deer was mega exciting and written perfectly. The transformation from human to wolf was most cool as well. This is some great stuff. mikey
Comment Written 28-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Thank you Mike. I missed your review on the last chapter. Glad to see you back on this.
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My New Years Resolution is to be more organized! Feel free to remind me if I miss something. :))
Comment from emrpoems
Good mix of narrative and some dialogue
intrigue keeps the reader wanting to read on
Good use of descriptive language
An enjoyable read
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Good mix of narrative and some dialogue
intrigue keeps the reader wanting to read on
Good use of descriptive language
An enjoyable read
Comment Written 27-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from MusingsOfMWH
In this excerpt from "Body Heat" the author demonstrates an ability to effectively convey the dual natures of Matthew and Rick. As humans they use reason, but once they become werewolves, they're all about savage instinct to bring down their target deer as a potent team.
As a reader, I appreciate it when writers make an effort to use vivid words of description so it's possible to get a grasp of what the story's characters are like--and the stakes they face as well. Another aspect I enjoyed about "Body Heat" was the adept use of dialogue. A conversation which starts as a talk, then turns into an argument, then gets dropped altogether when Matthew and Rick cooperate in an effort to get a hunting situation resolved is a way to keep an audience engaged.
So, there is my rationale behind my awarding "Body Heat" the five-star rating I did.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2014
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In this excerpt from "Body Heat" the author demonstrates an ability to effectively convey the dual natures of Matthew and Rick. As humans they use reason, but once they become werewolves, they're all about savage instinct to bring down their target deer as a potent team.
As a reader, I appreciate it when writers make an effort to use vivid words of description so it's possible to get a grasp of what the story's characters are like--and the stakes they face as well. Another aspect I enjoyed about "Body Heat" was the adept use of dialogue. A conversation which starts as a talk, then turns into an argument, then gets dropped altogether when Matthew and Rick cooperate in an effort to get a hunting situation resolved is a way to keep an audience engaged.
So, there is my rationale behind my awarding "Body Heat" the five-star rating I did.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much for this thorough review. I'm flattered that you took the time to really evaluate each scene. I hope you will continue to be interested in this book.
Comment from forestport12
Interesting characters and start to this story. Looks like a historical, magical, kind of romance story. I know you have it within you to writer this genre. Not my particular genre, but you kept my attention. Merry Christmas and hip happy new year. Stan
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2014
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Interesting characters and start to this story. Looks like a historical, magical, kind of romance story. I know you have it within you to writer this genre. Not my particular genre, but you kept my attention. Merry Christmas and hip happy new year. Stan
Comment Written 26-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2014
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Hey Stan, I missed you. I took a little break and when I came back you weren't posting. So glad to have you back reading me again. Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year. Glad it held your attention.
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 8 of the book Dark Covenant The Berwick Witches Series: Book One "Body Heat" This is a pretty good chapter you have created here and makes for enjoyable reading, although I don't like supernatural stories. Well done.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2014
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Chapter 8 of the book Dark Covenant The Berwick Witches Series: Book One "Body Heat" This is a pretty good chapter you have created here and makes for enjoyable reading, although I don't like supernatural stories. Well done.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2014
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Thank you very much, chasennov. Glad you enjoyed it.
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You are most welcome.
