The Letter
24 total reviews
Comment from country ranch writer
strange things happen for the weirdest reasons who knows why.It is like something knows something you don't and is warning you ahead of time.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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strange things happen for the weirdest reasons who knows why.It is like something knows something you don't and is warning you ahead of time.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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Thanks for reading and your comments. Much appreciated
Comment from Shari1962
I enjoyed the story very much. Kate's character was well developed. The story flowed smoothly and had ample suspense to keep the reader reading.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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I enjoyed the story very much. Kate's character was well developed. The story flowed smoothly and had ample suspense to keep the reader reading.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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Thank you very much for reading and your feedback. It is very much appreciated.
Comment from dmt1967
Wow, this really had the Wow factor my friend. It sent chills down my spine, especially at the end. I enjoyed reading this very much. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Wow, this really had the Wow factor my friend. It sent chills down my spine, especially at the end. I enjoyed reading this very much. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Wow. thank you very much for the very generous rating. I am quite proud of this one! Thanks for reading and your encouragement. It is very much appreciated.
Comment from Eric1
I really enjoyed this wonderful intriguing yet heartwarming story, it is of course the perfect entry for this competition, great characterisation, wonderful believable dialogue and a beautiful surprise ending, good luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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I really enjoyed this wonderful intriguing yet heartwarming story, it is of course the perfect entry for this competition, great characterisation, wonderful believable dialogue and a beautiful surprise ending, good luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Tanks for reading and your encouraging feedback. It is much appreciated. All the best
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You are most welcome my friend
Comment from gypsycaravan
I think you've got the start of an interesting book. Your story grabbed my attention right from the start and held it throughout. Good job.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2014
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I think you've got the start of an interesting book. Your story grabbed my attention right from the start and held it throughout. Good job.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2014
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Thanks for reading and the encouraging words.
Comment from rjpurdy
Hi mystery writer. You have a fine story here for the most part, but there are some technical issues. First, there is too much telling and not enough showing. The story lacks dialogue. It would be much more intimate and engaging with conversation.
You first introduce Dom as DON which is a bit confusing for the reader.
"Should I wait for Dom to return? Should I open it? What does all this mean?" -- When Kate is having inner dialogue, it should be in italics to let the reader know she is thinking.
There are too many extraneous words and repeat sentences. Although you have written very well, you could edit this down to read much faster and smoother.
"It had had quite a journey" -- Using HAD twice in a row is awkward. Perhaps "It had TAKEN quite a journey."
And finally: Purely from an aesthetic point of view, make your font larger. At first glance, the story looks to dense and that will turn a lot of FS readers away. We read so much, if it's too much work to read...well...you get my drift.
And then there is the significance of the "old woman" How is she connected to the story? She walks by everyday, but why? Dom doesn't take the promotion and then she fades away, why? She has a tattoo on her left wrist. Is that because she is a holocaust survivor? What is the significance?
So this is a lot of criticism I know. I don't mean to be mean spirited and I hope you receive this in the spirit it is given. If you have any questions, need clarification, or just want to discuss my review, I am open to that.
~Peace & Grace mystery writer~ Rod
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2014
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Hi mystery writer. You have a fine story here for the most part, but there are some technical issues. First, there is too much telling and not enough showing. The story lacks dialogue. It would be much more intimate and engaging with conversation.
You first introduce Dom as DON which is a bit confusing for the reader.
"Should I wait for Dom to return? Should I open it? What does all this mean?" -- When Kate is having inner dialogue, it should be in italics to let the reader know she is thinking.
There are too many extraneous words and repeat sentences. Although you have written very well, you could edit this down to read much faster and smoother.
"It had had quite a journey" -- Using HAD twice in a row is awkward. Perhaps "It had TAKEN quite a journey."
And finally: Purely from an aesthetic point of view, make your font larger. At first glance, the story looks to dense and that will turn a lot of FS readers away. We read so much, if it's too much work to read...well...you get my drift.
And then there is the significance of the "old woman" How is she connected to the story? She walks by everyday, but why? Dom doesn't take the promotion and then she fades away, why? She has a tattoo on her left wrist. Is that because she is a holocaust survivor? What is the significance?
So this is a lot of criticism I know. I don't mean to be mean spirited and I hope you receive this in the spirit it is given. If you have any questions, need clarification, or just want to discuss my review, I am open to that.
~Peace & Grace mystery writer~ Rod
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2014
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Thank you for taking the time to read this piece. The Don / Dom was corrected but the text has reverted back to my original draft for some reason. Should be sorted now. I have no problem with constructive criticism. The identity of the old woman is hinted at throughout the piece. There are clues in place throughout the story. The signicance of Dom's promotion - "one simple deed or action, can tilt the world by some fraction" - sets off a ripple. It is a mystery in which clues are in the narrative but not everyone gets it.
I do appreciate the time you have given to reviewing this story.
All the best.
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Thank you for the clarification. Best wishes in the contest. Rod
Comment from LIJ Red
A time traveler who becomes a paradox and vanishes-was she Kate? Did the tattoo have to do with the Holocaust? As robot Five asks, "More input!" Well written if mystifying.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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A time traveler who becomes a paradox and vanishes-was she Kate? Did the tattoo have to do with the Holocaust? As robot Five asks, "More input!" Well written if mystifying.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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Thanks for reading. Your comments are appreciated, I am glad people find it mystifying but too much information may cause one to 'short circuit'.
Comment from zanya
Mysterious and compelling atmosphere created - good visual imagery - draws the reader in - perhaps the denouement needs a rethink and some reworking to dovetail with the main opus
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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Mysterious and compelling atmosphere created - good visual imagery - draws the reader in - perhaps the denouement needs a rethink and some reworking to dovetail with the main opus
Comment Written 18-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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Thank you for reading and giving some feedback. Much appreciated
Comment from abbasjoy
A very mysterious story which held my interest from the start. The anticipation of what was in the letter, starts the reader guessing all kinds of things, and helps to give the story the suspense that holds us glued to our chair.
Then when the letter is finally opened, that very weird message which filled Kate with fear and dread adds further suspense.
The old woman's appearance too helps to create further mystery.
Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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A very mysterious story which held my interest from the start. The anticipation of what was in the letter, starts the reader guessing all kinds of things, and helps to give the story the suspense that holds us glued to our chair.
Then when the letter is finally opened, that very weird message which filled Kate with fear and dread adds further suspense.
The old woman's appearance too helps to create further mystery.
Well done.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I am glad you liked it.
Comment from scd41
The scene in which the letter was received has been narrated well. The reactions after going through the contents are also gripping. But it raises more questions than it answers about how the letter written by the main character years back in her own handwriting finds its way finally.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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The scene in which the letter was received has been narrated well. The reactions after going through the contents are also gripping. But it raises more questions than it answers about how the letter written by the main character years back in her own handwriting finds its way finally.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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Thank you for reading and taking he time to give some feedback. I wanted to write a piece without all the answers provided for the reader. It has been very interesting reading people's interpretations / reactions to the story. Thank you for your comments, they are much appreciated.
