The Man On the Moon
Short Story16 total reviews
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Great job with this contest, Mikey. Congratulations on your win--well deserved. I like the literal title, "Man on the Moon". I like how you weaved references to color throughout the story. Very effective. A bit of a surprise ending, which I liked. As you point out so well, 'tis no life to be the only one left.
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Great job with this contest, Mikey. Congratulations on your win--well deserved. I like the literal title, "Man on the Moon". I like how you weaved references to color throughout the story. Very effective. A bit of a surprise ending, which I liked. As you point out so well, 'tis no life to be the only one left.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2014
Comment from amada
Congratulations in winning the first place in this short story. Wonderful and very creative work on a space that is unknown and a life that was lost. Dramatic. Lovely.
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Congratulations in winning the first place in this short story. Wonderful and very creative work on a space that is unknown and a life that was lost. Dramatic. Lovely.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Has the man on the moon gone so soon. I like the plot and the spot, in this mysterious universe. My aberration seeks a good jolly poem and riddle. I play the fiddle and harp in my spare time, mates. Just wait... count your doubloon Mikey Musketeer. they look queer as you pass them by, I wonder why? Cont your doubloon. Spook-a-doo, boo...
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Has the man on the moon gone so soon. I like the plot and the spot, in this mysterious universe. My aberration seeks a good jolly poem and riddle. I play the fiddle and harp in my spare time, mates. Just wait... count your doubloon Mikey Musketeer. they look queer as you pass them by, I wonder why? Cont your doubloon. Spook-a-doo, boo...
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
Comment from K. Lorraine
Brilliant use of this writing prompt. The author created a well described visual of being abdicated in the unfamiliar place that we call outer space. This was an interesting and also a sad story about how the mind leads to play tricks on the brain of colorful imagery to replace the dullness of a desolate, colorless, lifeless place. But the moon... it conjures up the adventure in some humans to go where no one else has gone before. Very well written an science fiction thriller. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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Brilliant use of this writing prompt. The author created a well described visual of being abdicated in the unfamiliar place that we call outer space. This was an interesting and also a sad story about how the mind leads to play tricks on the brain of colorful imagery to replace the dullness of a desolate, colorless, lifeless place. But the moon... it conjures up the adventure in some humans to go where no one else has gone before. Very well written an science fiction thriller. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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So pleased you liked this. Wow. What an encouraging review! I'll cross my fingers, some strong entries. :)
Comment from Leineco
Nicely done! You compellingly expressed how the absolute stillness and absence of color on the moon's surface reflected the surreal greenness of knowing you are the last living human - left to survive for just a short, unproductive and sterile time. I think this would be the ultimate fugue of futility. Nothing could bring color back into your world (as you clearly implied with The greens, yellows, browns, the colors of life look drab. . .
You definitely made me "feel" the sense of the place".
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Nicely done! You compellingly expressed how the absolute stillness and absence of color on the moon's surface reflected the surreal greenness of knowing you are the last living human - left to survive for just a short, unproductive and sterile time. I think this would be the ultimate fugue of futility. Nothing could bring color back into your world (as you clearly implied with The greens, yellows, browns, the colors of life look drab. . .
You definitely made me "feel" the sense of the place".
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
Comment from mommerry
Your story certainly made me rethink the warning: be careful what you wish for. We can get up there - but who would want to stay? Wonderful use of your imagination and story telling abilities.
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Your story certainly made me rethink the warning: be careful what you wish for. We can get up there - but who would want to stay? Wonderful use of your imagination and story telling abilities.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed this clever work, an imaginative and well described, good design and composition, the the narrative was well paced and articulate, the story has a great speculative viewpoint, and the situation of our hero, being on the moon is highly inventive and well thought out, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy.
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I enjoyed this clever work, an imaginative and well described, good design and composition, the the narrative was well paced and articulate, the story has a great speculative viewpoint, and the situation of our hero, being on the moon is highly inventive and well thought out, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
Comment from victor 66
I enjoyed your "Sense of Place Short Story". It reminded me of the story lines used on the old television series, "Twilight Zone." Whether on the moon, a desert, a jungle or on an ocean, I'm quite sure survival is never easy. Good luck in the contest.
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I enjoyed your "Sense of Place Short Story". It reminded me of the story lines used on the old television series, "Twilight Zone." Whether on the moon, a desert, a jungle or on an ocean, I'm quite sure survival is never easy. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
This is flawless. It certainly describes a place beautifully. Plus it adds an entertaining and haunting story that adds to the description with an emotional equivelent. Thee winner for sure!!
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This is flawless. It certainly describes a place beautifully. Plus it adds an entertaining and haunting story that adds to the description with an emotional equivelent. Thee winner for sure!!
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
Comment from jpduck
I loved this. I felt the utter isolation, the total drabness of everything, the immense sense of loss. It certainly fulfils the requirements of the contest. Good luck with that.
A couple of small points:
'a giant ball of fire crashing to the surface' (It would in fact have been a giant vacuum-cold chunk of rock; it requires atmospheric friction to cause it to heat up like a mateor on earth).
'to foolishly envision' (This is a split infinitive and should be 'foolishly to envision').
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I loved this. I felt the utter isolation, the total drabness of everything, the immense sense of loss. It certainly fulfils the requirements of the contest. Good luck with that.
A couple of small points:
'a giant ball of fire crashing to the surface' (It would in fact have been a giant vacuum-cold chunk of rock; it requires atmospheric friction to cause it to heat up like a mateor on earth).
'to foolishly envision' (This is a split infinitive and should be 'foolishly to envision').
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
