What if?
The road of life's journey is full of crossings-What If?16 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
HI RP,
You have enlightened me on the psyche of young men who are passionate about their cause.
An interesting read. A look into a non-western mindset.
Just a thought ... 3,000 plus words feels a tad long for a Fanstory posting. About 1,500 words per post is ideal ... before the reader's mind begins to wander - just my opinion, of course!
Best wishes for the contest.
Hope you had a good Christmas. Blessings to you in 2015.
Sonali
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2014
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HI RP,
You have enlightened me on the psyche of young men who are passionate about their cause.
An interesting read. A look into a non-western mindset.
Just a thought ... 3,000 plus words feels a tad long for a Fanstory posting. About 1,500 words per post is ideal ... before the reader's mind begins to wander - just my opinion, of course!
Best wishes for the contest.
Hope you had a good Christmas. Blessings to you in 2015.
Sonali
Comment Written 30-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2014
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Hi Sonali,
What a pleasant surprise and wonderful review giving an intimate touch!
Thank you very much for your lovely, morale boosting comments and Best Wishes.
I sincerely appreciate your advice regarding the 'words limit'.
Wish you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!
~RP.
Comment from royowen
I loved it, you have derived deeply Ito the psyche of the Moslem jihadist particularly the ideals of the passionate young and have plumbed the depths of their thinking, it's funny to be in the mind of someone whose thoughts are diametrically opposed to one's own patterns! It was extremely well written, a well designed and carefully composed work, endeavouring to capture the mind of the jihadist! Well done, I missed it somehow! Blessings, RP, Roy, first class and imaginative!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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I loved it, you have derived deeply Ito the psyche of the Moslem jihadist particularly the ideals of the passionate young and have plumbed the depths of their thinking, it's funny to be in the mind of someone whose thoughts are diametrically opposed to one's own patterns! It was extremely well written, a well designed and carefully composed work, endeavouring to capture the mind of the jihadist! Well done, I missed it somehow! Blessings, RP, Roy, first class and imaginative!
Comment Written 19-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Hello Roy,
I am glad to know that you liked and enjoyed it so much.
Thank you very much for your so detailed, lovely and encouraging comments.
Have a pleasant weekend!
~RP.
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You too, most welcome, RP.
Comment from giraffmang
Many crossroads in life, indeed.
This is well-written and takes the reader through an emotional and thought provoking journey.
Good luck in the competition
GMG
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Many crossroads in life, indeed.
This is well-written and takes the reader through an emotional and thought provoking journey.
Good luck in the competition
GMG
Comment Written 19-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Hello GMG,
I am glad to know that you liked and enjoyed it so much.
Thank you very much for your so lovely, encouraging comments and Good Luck Wishes.
Have a pleasant weekend!
~RP.
Comment from l.raven
Hi RP, Akhtar could have taken a different path...but he chose to died for his beliefs...so he joined the army...you never know what is going to happen in life...your story is very well told...couldn't stop reading it once I started...very well written...Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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Hi RP, Akhtar could have taken a different path...but he chose to died for his beliefs...so he joined the army...you never know what is going to happen in life...your story is very well told...couldn't stop reading it once I started...very well written...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 17-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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Hello I.raven,
I am glad to know that you enjoyed it so much."...couldn't stop reading it once I started..." these are really morale boosting words.
Thank you very much for your so lovely and encouraging comments.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
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HI RP...you are more than welcome...it's a great write...luff..xxoo
Comment from adewpearl
Thought-provoking opening
you set the stage well and introduce Akhtar effectively
excellent character development
good natural-sounding dialogue
I like the message conveyed through the story
Brooke
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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Thought-provoking opening
you set the stage well and introduce Akhtar effectively
excellent character development
good natural-sounding dialogue
I like the message conveyed through the story
Brooke
Comment Written 17-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2014
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Hello Brooke,
I am glad to know that you enjoyed it. Your words, touching almost every aspect, are really morale boosting and praiseworthy.
Thank you very much for your so lovely and encouraging comments.
Have a pleasant time!
~RP.
Comment from chasennov
The road of life's journey is full of crossings-What If?
"What if?" This is a very interesting tale you have created here about terrorist organisations and the like. This is the first I have ever read on something fictionally tangible. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2014
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The road of life's journey is full of crossings-What If?
"What if?" This is a very interesting tale you have created here about terrorist organisations and the like. This is the first I have ever read on something fictionally tangible. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2014
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Hello Chasennov,
I am glad to know that you enjoyed it so much.
Thank you very much for your so lovely and encouraging comments.
Merry Christmas to you and yours, Friend.
~RP.
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You are most welcome, RP. Merry Christmas to you and yours, my friend. Kind regards.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear RP - What if indeed my friend. I found this a wonderful contemplative story on your character Akhtar. You bring so much to the forefront in this work that I found myself pausing many times throughout it. Excellent work, great message, strong descriptive analysis throughout too. Good luck in the contest.
Thanks for sharing, and happy holidays.
Maureen
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2014
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Dear RP - What if indeed my friend. I found this a wonderful contemplative story on your character Akhtar. You bring so much to the forefront in this work that I found myself pausing many times throughout it. Excellent work, great message, strong descriptive analysis throughout too. Good luck in the contest.
Thanks for sharing, and happy holidays.
Maureen
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2014
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Hello Maureen,
I am glad to know that you enjoyed it so much.
Thank you very much for your so lovely, encouraging comments and Good Luck Wishes.
Merry Christmas to you and yours, Friend.
~RP.
Comment from jpduck
I was most impressed with this detailed account of a brave young man.
A few SPAGs/typos:
'"Why? What happened?' (Closing quote marks needed at the end of this).
'Come with your all the Original Documents' (This should be 'Come with all your Original Documents'
'Now meet the concerning clerk' ('concerning' should be 'relevant')
'your documents and some dresses' (I think 'dresses' should be 'clothing' - A dress is an item of women's clothing')
'Punctuality of time' (Delete 'of time'. 'Punctuality' refers exclusively to time).
'Amongst whom is he?' (Change to 'Who am I with?' Another useful hint is that it is commonly the case that the words that someone is thinking, rather than speaking are put in italics with no quotation marks, either double or single).
'The Dining Hall was about 40x40 squire feet' ('squire' should be 'square').
'he had to learn their each art and craft' (Change 'their each art and craft' to 'each of their arts and crafts').
'bringing the truth in light' (change 'in' to 'to').
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2014
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I was most impressed with this detailed account of a brave young man.
A few SPAGs/typos:
'"Why? What happened?' (Closing quote marks needed at the end of this).
'Come with your all the Original Documents' (This should be 'Come with all your Original Documents'
'Now meet the concerning clerk' ('concerning' should be 'relevant')
'your documents and some dresses' (I think 'dresses' should be 'clothing' - A dress is an item of women's clothing')
'Punctuality of time' (Delete 'of time'. 'Punctuality' refers exclusively to time).
'Amongst whom is he?' (Change to 'Who am I with?' Another useful hint is that it is commonly the case that the words that someone is thinking, rather than speaking are put in italics with no quotation marks, either double or single).
'The Dining Hall was about 40x40 squire feet' ('squire' should be 'square').
'he had to learn their each art and craft' (Change 'their each art and craft' to 'each of their arts and crafts').
'bringing the truth in light' (change 'in' to 'to').
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2014
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Hello Jpduck,
I am glad to know that you enjoyed it so much.
Thank you very much for your so lovely, encouraging comments, detailed and laudable suggestions.
Merry Christmas to you and yours, Friend.
~RP.
Comment from scd41
The story about the current elections being held in Jammu and Kashmir and the violence unleashed by militants to defeat the democratic process is hair-raising. Though categorized as fiction, it reads like a real story.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2014
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The story about the current elections being held in Jammu and Kashmir and the violence unleashed by militants to defeat the democratic process is hair-raising. Though categorized as fiction, it reads like a real story.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2014
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Hello Scd41,
I am glad to know that you enjoyed it so much.
Thank you very much for your so lovely and encouraging comments.
Merry Christmas to you and yours, Friend.
~RP.
Comment from Eric1
Hi RP, thoroughly enjoyed reading this tale/essay about Akhtar, you don't say whether or not it is true, your description of the facts were wonderful, but a little editing on the character description would help maintain the flow for the reader.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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Hi RP, thoroughly enjoyed reading this tale/essay about Akhtar, you don't say whether or not it is true, your description of the facts were wonderful, but a little editing on the character description would help maintain the flow for the reader.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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Hi Eric1,
I am glad to know that you enjoyed this imaginary story.
Thank you very much for your good suggestions and Excellent Rating.
Merry Christmas to you and yours, Eric.
~RP.
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You are most welcome RP, and a Merry Christmas to you and your family my friend.
