Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

Every so often, it is a good thing to expand your horizons. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014

Thank you, Charlie. I wish the same to you & your family this Christmas and beyond.

~Dean

reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014

Thank you, Charlie. I wish the same to you & your family this Christmas and beyond.

~Dean

reply by c_lucas on 14-Dec-2014

Appreciate you, Dean. Charlie

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

Whilst ghosts adorn thy pillow top,
lo, as I gaze
thou art not there
I beg thee bid this pain to stop
fresh spring rain breathes autumn's crop...
I might say it that way instead. Wasn't Rondo the Duke's dog
in some western?

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014

Rajon Pierre Rondo is an American professional basketball point guard with the Boston Celtics.

Thanks for your review.

Comment from granny goes viral

Excellent

Ohhh. Liked it from the first line. And the visual. Also the combination with the seasons. Just the whole gentle offering. Good one.

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 Comment Written 14-Dec-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014

Thank you, granny. I'm very happy to hear it, and I appreciate your review very much.

~Dean

Comment from kiwisteveh

Average

Dean, this has your usual atmospheric feel from content and presentation, but there are a fe things here that drag it well below your usual quality.

Your first line, as it stands, does not make sense. 'abide' used transitively i.e. with an object, means 'tolerate' or 'bear' (I can't abide his sneers. You clearly want the other meaning, to stay or live, which is intransitive. You would have to say ' a ghost abides IN thy pillow top'

Then there's the inconsistent use of archaism - you have thee and thy and doest (should be dost) but you happil mingle them with you and your - one or the other!

Worse - much orse - you seem to have totally ignored the requirements of the form. Not only have you plucked your refrain out of nowhere (it is supposed to be taken from part of the first line) but you have not followed the rather strict rhyme scheme which makes the Rondeau such a tricky beast.... :o)

I imagine when the CEC wakes up you will be disqualified unless you can do a major re-write in a hurry.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings.

Steve

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 Comment Written 14-Dec-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014

Yep, I like the challenge of attempting new forms, Steve, but I completely miscalculated this one, and badly, I'll admit.

It has been disqualified, so no rewrites will be forthcoming.

It doesn't appear as you'll need any luck as you are the only game in town in this particular contest, so...

Congrats in advance on your uncontested win. :)

~Dean

Comment from mmichelle97219

Good

Okay, first your form is spot on. There is nothing to nit pick over that. Second for me anyway the emotional element of the poem seems forced. There for some reason is a hollowness to it, and I just cannot connect with it.

Good luck in the contest.
Michelle

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014

Thanks, Michelle, for your honest assessmnet. It has been disqualified from the contest, and rightly so, so I performed a rewrite for general view. I've wasted enough funny money here the last few days as it is, and this poem was written for very personal reasons. If it seems forced to you, I apologize.

reply by mmichelle97219 on 14-Dec-2014

No apologies needed. Reviews are just opinions. If it works for you and makes you happy then all the better.
Michelle

reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014

As I stated, I rewrote it so it obviously didn't work for me, either.

Thanks again for making me step back and take another look. Feel free to upgrade your four stars to five, if you feel the rewrite is worthy. I won't mind a bit. :}

Thanks again, Michelle ~Dean