Wilderness Encounter
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "17"A love story of two loners who meet by accident
2 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Catherin - another excellent penned post. I especially thought you did a wonderful job on the training aspect of this teaching. As a martial artist I recognized the form and flow of your lines for the inner training as well as the physical training, making this seem more real for me as I read. Your other descriptive imagery, including your plot seems packed with detail. This has impact and is easy to read as a whole. Flawless and seamless work, great job overall.
Thanks for sharing, happy holidays.
Maureen
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
  |
Catherin - another excellent penned post. I especially thought you did a wonderful job on the training aspect of this teaching. As a martial artist I recognized the form and flow of your lines for the inner training as well as the physical training, making this seem more real for me as I read. Your other descriptive imagery, including your plot seems packed with detail. This has impact and is easy to read as a whole. Flawless and seamless work, great job overall.
Thanks for sharing, happy holidays.
Maureen
Comment Written 16-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
-
Thank you, Moreen for your very kind words. I agonized over getting the training just right. This whole book is a labor of love. Thank you for stopping by. Do come again.
Comment from CR Delport
At almost 7000 words, this is a long read. The story seems interesting, but I kept tripping over the reading. I think a lot of sentences can be restructured to make it flow better. Take this sentence for instance:
Taking the cups Pebbles places them in the kitchen and returning to the porch finds Bo-peep nearing the barn, jogging toward her arriving just as she opens the door. --- Taking the cups, Pebbles places them in the kitchen and returns to the porch to find Bo-peep nearing the barn. Jogging toward her, he arrives as she opens the door.
It's just my suggestion. I hope it helps.
Have a great day.
Christelle
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
|
At almost 7000 words, this is a long read. The story seems interesting, but I kept tripping over the reading. I think a lot of sentences can be restructured to make it flow better. Take this sentence for instance:
Taking the cups Pebbles places them in the kitchen and returning to the porch finds Bo-peep nearing the barn, jogging toward her arriving just as she opens the door. --- Taking the cups, Pebbles places them in the kitchen and returns to the porch to find Bo-peep nearing the barn. Jogging toward her, he arrives as she opens the door.
It's just my suggestion. I hope it helps.
Have a great day.
Christelle
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
-
Thank you for your very informative review and your rating. I appreciate your suggestions; and will be looking at restructuring a number of he sentences.
