Let's Talk Dirty!
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Jenny's Story"The story about three women who need to make money
9 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Men! Seems they are doing alright, apart from Laura's. You have to feel sorry for these women. The pace is set, and the women will be coming together soon. This is really good, Alexis! xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Men! Seems they are doing alright, apart from Laura's. You have to feel sorry for these women. The pace is set, and the women will be coming together soon. This is really good, Alexis! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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I'm so glad you're enjoying it. I still haven't decided what to do with Laura at the end - but I'm working on it!
Alexis x
Comment from G.B. Smith
'Well, that's it then. Now I really am screwed...' she said out loud, before pouring the last of her bottle of whisky into a glass, and bursting into tears... Holy shit, this is depressing. This poor girl is someone I can relate to. The emotion flooded off the page. Nice one sweetie
Bear
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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'Well, that's it then. Now I really am screwed...' she said out loud, before pouring the last of her bottle of whisky into a glass, and bursting into tears... Holy shit, this is depressing. This poor girl is someone I can relate to. The emotion flooded off the page. Nice one sweetie
Bear
Comment Written 16-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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So glad you enjoyed it, and I can't thank you enough for the wonderful six stars. Glad to say the fun can now begin! Alexis xxx
Comment from rwilliam
Aw man, another character I'm all worried about... :-)
When everything else was paid, she was left her with less than ninety pounds to see her through to the end of the month. OOPS I think you mean...she was left with less.. Take out the 'her'.
I like the way the story is building. Off to read more. Good writing.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Aw man, another character I'm all worried about... :-)
When everything else was paid, she was left her with less than ninety pounds to see her through to the end of the month. OOPS I think you mean...she was left with less.. Take out the 'her'.
I like the way the story is building. Off to read more. Good writing.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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What a wonderful reviewer you are! Nobody else picked up on this, so my sincere thanks for your eagle eye. Alexis x
Comment from Glasstruth
You really get into the feel of your characters, as if you knew them, and they were just telling you their story. The U.K. doesn't sound to be any easier of a place than the U.S. It's a shame that people do struggle like this. Yet, when you're facing the wall and there's nowhere to go that's when something, whatever kicks in. Lots of tension. Great write. Les
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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You really get into the feel of your characters, as if you knew them, and they were just telling you their story. The U.K. doesn't sound to be any easier of a place than the U.S. It's a shame that people do struggle like this. Yet, when you're facing the wall and there's nowhere to go that's when something, whatever kicks in. Lots of tension. Great write. Les
Comment Written 14-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2014
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Thank you, Les. All my characters are a mixture of people I know, and scenarios I've either experienced or been told about. Makes writing so much easier! Alexis x
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear BC - Your characters each have a path of pain and uncertainty, I think you have made a strong foundation so far. Looking forward to seeing how they grow within your plot. So far it's looking and reading well.
Happy Holidays
WC
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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Dear BC - Your characters each have a path of pain and uncertainty, I think you have made a strong foundation so far. Looking forward to seeing how they grow within your plot. So far it's looking and reading well.
Happy Holidays
WC
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Comment Written 12-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Lol, I haven't had a good night out for so long, I thought I'd have one on paper before I forgot what it felt like! I hope your strength is returning , WC. Love and hugs Alexis xxx
Comment from Curly Girly
I presume this is a part-chapter, because this section has no dirty talk in it. On the whole it was well-written. It comes across as if the narrator is telling me the story, which you are, and it's okay in small sections. I think this could be alleviated if you put her thoughts into words. There is no dialogue here because she is on her own, but maybe she could talk to her dog about what she's thinking. Alternatively, you could put her thoughts into italics or single speech marks.
You wrote:
'Damn!' she said as she walked back to the kitchen. She'd known the insurance renewal was due around this time, but forgot about it because she'd focused on scratching the money together for her road tax.
Suggest:
'Damn!' she said as she walked back to the kitchen.
'I knew the insurance renewal was due around this time. I forgot, because I focused on scratching money together for road tax.'
That way, the reader is seeing directly into her thoughts, and is not being told what she is thinking.
I am looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2014
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I presume this is a part-chapter, because this section has no dirty talk in it. On the whole it was well-written. It comes across as if the narrator is telling me the story, which you are, and it's okay in small sections. I think this could be alleviated if you put her thoughts into words. There is no dialogue here because she is on her own, but maybe she could talk to her dog about what she's thinking. Alternatively, you could put her thoughts into italics or single speech marks.
You wrote:
'Damn!' she said as she walked back to the kitchen. She'd known the insurance renewal was due around this time, but forgot about it because she'd focused on scratching the money together for her road tax.
Suggest:
'Damn!' she said as she walked back to the kitchen.
'I knew the insurance renewal was due around this time. I forgot, because I focused on scratching money together for road tax.'
That way, the reader is seeing directly into her thoughts, and is not being told what she is thinking.
I am looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2014
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Yes, they're all part chapters now, which should please the readers. I know what you mean about lack of dialogue, but don't worry, I have the opposite problem coming up when these three women get together, believe me! Another four part chapters await you! Thank you for your wonderful reviews. Alexis xxx
Comment from Sloegin
Hi Alexis,
Your story is moving along nicely. I'm enjoying your writing, even if I do feel sad for Jenny. YOu've placed her in a very precarious position, rescuing her will be a touchy task. I hope you make it bombshell.
I'm writing about a man who is divorced, (a big surprise) and moves away to start over. I filled the first few chapters with pathos, and an editor told me to lighten up, that too much took away from the importance, made it commonplace. So, don't over do.
sloegin
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2014
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Hi Alexis,
Your story is moving along nicely. I'm enjoying your writing, even if I do feel sad for Jenny. YOu've placed her in a very precarious position, rescuing her will be a touchy task. I hope you make it bombshell.
I'm writing about a man who is divorced, (a big surprise) and moves away to start over. I filled the first few chapters with pathos, and an editor told me to lighten up, that too much took away from the importance, made it commonplace. So, don't over do.
sloegin
Comment Written 11-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2014
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Don't worry, I've only made the first chapters so miserable because I have to justify what they end up doing to get themselves out of their predicament. Tons of laughter after that (as Chapter 7 just posted might show!) Thank you so much for your great review. Alexis x
Comment from CR Delport
Alexis, this is really well written and makes for an interesting read. I think a lot of people get stuck on a job that was suppose to be just for a while. I am glad I am not Wendy of GWL. She must have had a tough job choosing from all these good entries.
Have a great day.
Christelle.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2014
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Alexis, this is really well written and makes for an interesting read. I think a lot of people get stuck on a job that was suppose to be just for a while. I am glad I am not Wendy of GWL. She must have had a tough job choosing from all these good entries.
Have a great day.
Christelle.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much for your lovely, encouraging review. I really do appreciate it. Alexis x
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This is a wonderful start. You do a great job of setting the scene. Take the ordinary (waking up) and turning it into an interesting storyline. Well written and great job.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2014
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This is a wonderful start. You do a great job of setting the scene. Take the ordinary (waking up) and turning it into an interesting storyline. Well written and great job.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much for the great review. Alexis x
