Let's Talk Dirty!
Viewing comments for Prologue "Synopsis for Let's Talk Dirty!"The story about three women who need to make money
10 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What happened to this one? It has been taken off and not put back on. I am sure it was a good one! Good luck with the publications. Sandra xxxx
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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What happened to this one? It has been taken off and not put back on. I am sure it was a good one! Good luck with the publications. Sandra xxxx
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2016
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Lol, you are one persistant lady! Alexis xxx
Comment from Megalips
I don't read a lot of pros on the site yet, but I was fascinated with your title and came over to check out the synopsis. The scenario sounds quite interesting and I'm sure will make for great reading. My hats off to you organizing such a complication of lives all intertwined under such a naughty secret occupation. Desperation always lends itself to great stories as long as it's not your own.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
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I don't read a lot of pros on the site yet, but I was fascinated with your title and came over to check out the synopsis. The scenario sounds quite interesting and I'm sure will make for great reading. My hats off to you organizing such a complication of lives all intertwined under such a naughty secret occupation. Desperation always lends itself to great stories as long as it's not your own.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2015
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Thank you for taking the time to check out my last book. Now the serious editing begins. Let's Talk Dirty!' was certainly great fun to write! Alexis x
Comment from Jennpenn
I'm new to this site, and just beginning to navigate. I've posted some of my writing, but am only now learning the mechanics of how the site is set up and run. Part of the process is checking out my fellow writers, and I think your premise sounds wonderful, and full of potential! Clearly your status and reviews would indicate as much, and I'm looking forward to reading your story.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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I'm new to this site, and just beginning to navigate. I've posted some of my writing, but am only now learning the mechanics of how the site is set up and run. Part of the process is checking out my fellow writers, and I think your premise sounds wonderful, and full of potential! Clearly your status and reviews would indicate as much, and I'm looking forward to reading your story.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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What a wonderful compliment! I won't be posting for a couple of weeks because I'm on holiday, but I look forward to your reviews when I return. Thank you! Alexis x
Comment from Glasstruth
Yeah, I did read this before. Seems somewhat the same, but shorter. Just wonder what came before the seven months, not sure of their current position. I guess the business is going well; and I feel like I jumped into the middle of the book. Les
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014
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Yeah, I did read this before. Seems somewhat the same, but shorter. Just wonder what came before the seven months, not sure of their current position. I guess the business is going well; and I feel like I jumped into the middle of the book. Les
Comment Written 14-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2014
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Hi Les! I decided that because the first chapter (split into four parts now) was a bit miserable because it explains in detail the different reasons these women end up doing what they do, the prologue should be a bit of fun to show that there's going to be some fun ahead. Thank you so much for reviewing! Alexis x
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Hi BC - I see you still have the knack for getting your readers to laugh alongside you with your characters. Nicely penned, vibrant and full of life both characters and story line.
Thanks for sharing dear.
Love
WC
xx
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2014
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Hi BC - I see you still have the knack for getting your readers to laugh alongside you with your characters. Nicely penned, vibrant and full of life both characters and story line.
Thanks for sharing dear.
Love
WC
xx
Comment Written 12-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2014
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It's lovely to hear from you, Moreen! Yes this one kind of wrote itself after I got together with some pals one weekend and we all ended up drinking far too much. Never again! Love and hugs, Alexis xxx
Comment from Curly Girly
Yes, I remember reading this. I wonder what is in the freezer? Are you able to enter a novel into a contest before it is finished? Best wishes with the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2014
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Yes, I remember reading this. I wonder what is in the freezer? Are you able to enter a novel into a contest before it is finished? Best wishes with the contest.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2014
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Long story. By the time the contest deadline arrived on the 28th November, the rules had changed. We weren't allowed to post anything past chapter three until they announced the winner, which is why I've started posting again in smaller chunks. Monday sees the start of chapter four. Thank you so much for the shiny six! Alexis xxx
Comment from --Turtle.
I enjoyed this image, appreciated the action in the moment, light, bubbly, and fun. I liked the inserted humor. I noticed the hint towards enticement with the thought of these celebrating women perhaps being phone sex workers.
I thought of stories, like "a league of their own" that glimpse the future before going into the past. I'm not sure how effective it is as a hook in this case, but was open to it. Part of what I do in reviewing others is consider what worked on me, what I worried about.
Things that worked, this gave a hint of there would be a happy ending, because everyone is happily celebrating. Part of the suspense, interest of a novel is not knowing, but hey, some people want assurance of knowing things work out in the end before they invest too.
The dialog edged on conversation, but only with one toe. The writing was solid, if only needing an edge to brighten images with consideration of bringing things to the now. For example:
The waiter speaks. His dialog is then tagged with an image that happens before he speaks. Why not have the action, then have him speak? So the brain doesn't have to correct the tone of the words by reimagining the situation after already reading the dialog.
He flashed a dazzling smile. 'Can I get you beautiful ladies anything ...
When they eventually poured the last of the champagne, the(a) handsome young Italian waiter clocked the upturned bottle in the ice bucket, so came over to their table immediately.
-- I had some trouble understanding the phrasing here, with clocked. Also, consider moving the adverb closer to the verb it is modifying. came immediately...
The advice I seem to keep getting is prologues are bad. A dangerous tool. I don't have anything against them, but they should serve a scalpel purpose. Entice, tease, without giving too much away. In this case, I'm guessing it's a tool to bind multiple stories together because the women are separate until a point.
'Seriously though,' Karen said
Here is the toe into conversation versus dialog. My instinct said no. Not needed. Find another way to transition. Action. example of one of many ways to do that:
The laughter faded, and Karen sighed. 'Did either of you...
Seriously though is something that people do say, but dialog paints beyond conversation. Conversation is boring to read. I tend to be wary of conversation.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2014
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I enjoyed this image, appreciated the action in the moment, light, bubbly, and fun. I liked the inserted humor. I noticed the hint towards enticement with the thought of these celebrating women perhaps being phone sex workers.
I thought of stories, like "a league of their own" that glimpse the future before going into the past. I'm not sure how effective it is as a hook in this case, but was open to it. Part of what I do in reviewing others is consider what worked on me, what I worried about.
Things that worked, this gave a hint of there would be a happy ending, because everyone is happily celebrating. Part of the suspense, interest of a novel is not knowing, but hey, some people want assurance of knowing things work out in the end before they invest too.
The dialog edged on conversation, but only with one toe. The writing was solid, if only needing an edge to brighten images with consideration of bringing things to the now. For example:
The waiter speaks. His dialog is then tagged with an image that happens before he speaks. Why not have the action, then have him speak? So the brain doesn't have to correct the tone of the words by reimagining the situation after already reading the dialog.
He flashed a dazzling smile. 'Can I get you beautiful ladies anything ...
When they eventually poured the last of the champagne, the(a) handsome young Italian waiter clocked the upturned bottle in the ice bucket, so came over to their table immediately.
-- I had some trouble understanding the phrasing here, with clocked. Also, consider moving the adverb closer to the verb it is modifying. came immediately...
The advice I seem to keep getting is prologues are bad. A dangerous tool. I don't have anything against them, but they should serve a scalpel purpose. Entice, tease, without giving too much away. In this case, I'm guessing it's a tool to bind multiple stories together because the women are separate until a point.
'Seriously though,' Karen said
Here is the toe into conversation versus dialog. My instinct said no. Not needed. Find another way to transition. Action. example of one of many ways to do that:
The laughter faded, and Karen sighed. 'Did either of you...
Seriously though is something that people do say, but dialog paints beyond conversation. Conversation is boring to read. I tend to be wary of conversation.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2014
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Thank you again for such a helpful review. Lots of really good ideas, some of which I've already implemented. As I said before, this is the kind of review we all need, and is what FS is all about. Alexis x
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello there you sweetheart. I love your work and this new bit of information is enough to titillate this old man's senses. Phone sex you say? Hell yes. Bring them on
Bear
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2014
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Hello there you sweetheart. I love your work and this new bit of information is enough to titillate this old man's senses. Phone sex you say? Hell yes. Bring them on
Bear
Comment Written 09-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2014
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Lol, I knew you'd enjoy this, Bear! You might be able to give me a few ideas to add to the first scene when the ladies first log on and start to receive calls. I'm trying to think of things that are more 'funny' than crude, so any suggested scenarios would be gratefully received! Alexis xxx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I thought I had already reviewed this when I saw the line,
'I wish you could, darling,' she drawled. 'But unfortunately, I've got things older than you in my freezer...' I love that one It is so cute. Well done, Nancy
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2014
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I thought I had already reviewed this when I saw the line,
'I wish you could, darling,' she drawled. 'But unfortunately, I've got things older than you in my freezer...' I love that one It is so cute. Well done, Nancy
Comment Written 09-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2014
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Lol, yes, it gets me every time! Love and hugs, Alexis xxx
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
You do a good job in this chapter of setting the next scene. Something tells me that this is not going to go as well as planned! Well use of dialogue and an interesting storyline so far.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2014
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You do a good job in this chapter of setting the next scene. Something tells me that this is not going to go as well as planned! Well use of dialogue and an interesting storyline so far.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review. Lets just say, it's going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better! Alexis x
