Framed
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The General Takes Control"A thriller set in Washington
5 total reviews
Comment from JanetRussek
Well, Bob, this chapter certainly left me hanging. Can't wait to read the next one. I sure hope you plan to submit this story for publication. COMPELLING !
Warm Regards,
Janet
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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Well, Bob, this chapter certainly left me hanging. Can't wait to read the next one. I sure hope you plan to submit this story for publication. COMPELLING !
Warm Regards,
Janet
Comment Written 08-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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Thank you Janet. It is out there, with no success so far, but I'm still trying. Reviews like yours provide an amazing sense of accomplishment, not as good as publication, but fulfilling nonetheless.
I deeply appreciate your support,
Bob
Comment from CR Delport
This is a well written chapter that makes for a good read. You used "very" twice -- very distresses ... and very traumatized ... Personally, I would leave both very's out. Other than that I have nothing to offer that might be helpful. Good work.
General William Thomas takes control of the invetsigation --- Error in your description.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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This is a well written chapter that makes for a good read. You used "very" twice -- very distresses ... and very traumatized ... Personally, I would leave both very's out. Other than that I have nothing to offer that might be helpful. Good work.
General William Thomas takes control of the invetsigation --- Error in your description.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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I really appreciate your feedback. Comments like this really add to the quality of the manuscript. Should it ever achieve publication, there will have to be five pages of acknowledgements for the help provided by FanStory members
Comment from Jay Squires
This is the typical Bob Cullen chapter, with suspense, tension and no nonsense dialogue.
A few more of the usual, LOL:
They set down on a Military airfield, a car awaited them. [A run-on sentence. Replace comma with a semicolon.]
"She's dead." [After the silence, we don't know who said this.]
"It was from his wife, she appeared to be very distressed.[Another run-on sentence. In this case an "and" after the comma sounds better than changing a semicolon for the comma.]
The tragedy has claimed another victim, police found her dead on the floor." [This doesn't refer who the "her' is]
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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This is the typical Bob Cullen chapter, with suspense, tension and no nonsense dialogue.
A few more of the usual, LOL:
They set down on a Military airfield, a car awaited them. [A run-on sentence. Replace comma with a semicolon.]
"She's dead." [After the silence, we don't know who said this.]
"It was from his wife, she appeared to be very distressed.[Another run-on sentence. In this case an "and" after the comma sounds better than changing a semicolon for the comma.]
The tragedy has claimed another victim, police found her dead on the floor." [This doesn't refer who the "her' is]
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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A typical Bob Cullen response. Have made the appropriate corrections. Your editorial skills amazes me. After the errors are pointed out, I see them clearly however when I read them prior to posting I'm like Colonel Klink, 'I see nutting.'
Thank you again.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Darn, Bob. I really hate to barge into the middle of a story like this, but I began reading and couldn't stop. So having gone this far, and read the entire chapter, I might as well weigh in with what I can.
The writing is crisp, the dialogue excellent, and me thinks there is a massive conspiracy underfoot in the Pentagon. I liked the steadfast nature of the Detective Lyons character. Female cops and FBI agents often have to be firm (Jody Foster's character in Silence of the Lambs comes immediately to mind), and be outright "ball-busters", if you'll pardon the expression. Her Chief, Officer Paull, he's no slouch either, and neither one of them seemed intimidated in the least by the Generals threats.
Now, with Commander Rodwell taking his own life after killing the prisoner Bryant, it's anybody's guess as the where and how deeply it will go from here.
Fantastic writing, Bob. Great work!
~Dean
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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Darn, Bob. I really hate to barge into the middle of a story like this, but I began reading and couldn't stop. So having gone this far, and read the entire chapter, I might as well weigh in with what I can.
The writing is crisp, the dialogue excellent, and me thinks there is a massive conspiracy underfoot in the Pentagon. I liked the steadfast nature of the Detective Lyons character. Female cops and FBI agents often have to be firm (Jody Foster's character in Silence of the Lambs comes immediately to mind), and be outright "ball-busters", if you'll pardon the expression. Her Chief, Officer Paull, he's no slouch either, and neither one of them seemed intimidated in the least by the Generals threats.
Now, with Commander Rodwell taking his own life after killing the prisoner Bryant, it's anybody's guess as the where and how deeply it will go from here.
Fantastic writing, Bob. Great work!
~Dean
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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Thank you Dean. Coming from a writer of your quality I am most humbled to read your complimentary review.
Thank you again
Comment from royowen
A nice switch of scenes Bob, fascinating looking at it from a different angle, Bryant has been assassinated, not sure why, and the General wasn't exactly happy at the situation, I love these circles within circles, shadows within shade, great write, taking us away from Callin and Jess, to other views in the story, well done, Bob, absorbing stuff! Blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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A nice switch of scenes Bob, fascinating looking at it from a different angle, Bryant has been assassinated, not sure why, and the General wasn't exactly happy at the situation, I love these circles within circles, shadows within shade, great write, taking us away from Callin and Jess, to other views in the story, well done, Bob, absorbing stuff! Blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2014
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Roy, your reviews always make me feel good, compliments have that effect on my ego.
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Most welcome Bob
