Of Mice and Women
Short Story44 total reviews
Comment from jpduck
Completely dotty, but just wonderful. Very funny, once we got to the meeting.
A few typos/SPAGs:
'Well, at least people [are] interested in such a thing.'
'His baldhead looked like a geographical map' ('baldhead' should be 'bald head').
'I mean it old school ,when they listed' (Move the space to the other side of the comma).
'I here ya'll a hollerin' ('here' should be 'hear').
  |
Completely dotty, but just wonderful. Very funny, once we got to the meeting.
A few typos/SPAGs:
'Well, at least people [are] interested in such a thing.'
'His baldhead looked like a geographical map' ('baldhead' should be 'bald head').
'I mean it old school ,when they listed' (Move the space to the other side of the comma).
'I here ya'll a hollerin' ('here' should be 'hear').
Comment Written 06-Dec-2014
Comment from c_lucas
Mice and rats are best trained from birth. This is a serious subject with a humorous back ground. Your story is very well written and I didn't see any errors.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2014
|
Mice and rats are best trained from birth. This is a serious subject with a humorous back ground. Your story is very well written and I didn't see any errors.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2014
-
Thank you! I'm glad you caught the undertones of this. That is what I was going for under all the silly fun. Much appreciated. mikey
-
You're welcome, Mikey. Charliw
Comment from l.raven
OMG Michael, LMAO...you must of been doing the same thing when writing this...how does your mind work??? I love it...some of your lines are a trip...soooooooooo very well written...and it is when I read one this great that I get made I don't have a damn six...so sorry you...but it is great...Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2014
|
OMG Michael, LMAO...you must of been doing the same thing when writing this...how does your mind work??? I love it...some of your lines are a trip...soooooooooo very well written...and it is when I read one this great that I get made I don't have a damn six...so sorry you...but it is great...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2014
-
I don't know. This is the most totally ME stuff I write. This is what pops in my head when I'm just writing off the top of my head without trying to be a real writer. Hahaha. It's soooooo funny, cause people like this better than the stuff I SLAVE over!!! mikey
-
your so cute...HaHaHa...luff
Comment from Serenity Van Halen
Haha you did an awesome job. It was hilarious and I could not stop laughing. Glad the plot succeeded, it would have turned out worse if it hadn't. Excellent job!
 |
Haha you did an awesome job. It was hilarious and I could not stop laughing. Glad the plot succeeded, it would have turned out worse if it hadn't. Excellent job!
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from lancellot
Well, I could tell from the first paragraph that many will like this story. Doing bad stuff to rich white people is very PC and cheered in many countries. The story itself is mostly telling, but that is from it's first person narration POV. He does really explain why he did it though, other than they being rich and his perceived notion that they were thinking bad things about him. But, I think this will be a hit with the many left leaning members. Knowing ones audience is the hallmark of a successful writer. Well done.
|
Well, I could tell from the first paragraph that many will like this story. Doing bad stuff to rich white people is very PC and cheered in many countries. The story itself is mostly telling, but that is from it's first person narration POV. He does really explain why he did it though, other than they being rich and his perceived notion that they were thinking bad things about him. But, I think this will be a hit with the many left leaning members. Knowing ones audience is the hallmark of a successful writer. Well done.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from pattipac
Mikey, my man, you have a hilarious read here. Your word -choice, dialogue, and descriptive phrases is only surpassed by your creative ability to come up with a plot, and a unique twist at the end.
|
Mikey, my man, you have a hilarious read here. Your word -choice, dialogue, and descriptive phrases is only surpassed by your creative ability to come up with a plot, and a unique twist at the end.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from butterfly4265
LOL this is hilarious! I love the sexual innuendos and humor, including the panty wearing President. Very witty throughout, including the last line of "Release the cats". Incredibly far fetched but very entertaining nonetheless. Thank you for the laugh!
|
LOL this is hilarious! I love the sexual innuendos and humor, including the panty wearing President. Very witty throughout, including the last line of "Release the cats". Incredibly far fetched but very entertaining nonetheless. Thank you for the laugh!
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the picture. I love the story. It was funny!! I could see the hoity toity group end up in chaos. I like to see the rich get a wake up call. I imagined what the cats would do to the crowd. Great work.
|
I love the picture. I love the story. It was funny!! I could see the hoity toity group end up in chaos. I like to see the rich get a wake up call. I imagined what the cats would do to the crowd. Great work.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
This gets a 6 because it deserves it. (Maybe you should have entered it in the "Revenge" contest?) Perfectly written and formatted, with just a couple of errors in spacing after periods - no big deal. The suspense grows, as does the humor of this wildly unpredictable situation. I think you might consider leaving out the slang black dialogue, just as a suggestion. It doesn't exactly ring true, but it doesn't take away from the weirdly imaginative vision of the story. I'm reading a book of short stories by George Saunders called "Tenth of December." If you haven't already, I'd suggest you take a look. This puts me in mind of some of them.
|
This gets a 6 because it deserves it. (Maybe you should have entered it in the "Revenge" contest?) Perfectly written and formatted, with just a couple of errors in spacing after periods - no big deal. The suspense grows, as does the humor of this wildly unpredictable situation. I think you might consider leaving out the slang black dialogue, just as a suggestion. It doesn't exactly ring true, but it doesn't take away from the weirdly imaginative vision of the story. I'm reading a book of short stories by George Saunders called "Tenth of December." If you haven't already, I'd suggest you take a look. This puts me in mind of some of them.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
Comment from Dean Kuch
Cotillion... that word sounds much more elegant than simply saying a formal ball for debutantes, doesn't it, Mikey? Takes up a lot less space, too, LOL...
So, the kid puts Pavlov's theory to the test at the ball, using forty or more mice to panty-raid the old gals while seeking food, and send them all into a panic. Well, at least your terrorist plot doesn't involve poisoning the water supplies of tributaries of major cities, virulent viruses being unleashed on an unsuspecting populace, or nukes.
Poor Bart Pennyweather. I suppose he allows his darling wife to wear the pants in their relationship, as these mice go strictly for panties. Kinda make one wonder...
It wasn't bad enough that mice had infested the pantalooms of most everyone at the Southern Ladies Cotillion and NRA Fundraiser Ball, but now cats were being added to the mix.
Is there no mercy for these poor, hapless souls? I certainly hoped there wouldn't be, heh-heh.
Great story, Mikey. ~Dean
|
Cotillion... that word sounds much more elegant than simply saying a formal ball for debutantes, doesn't it, Mikey? Takes up a lot less space, too, LOL...
So, the kid puts Pavlov's theory to the test at the ball, using forty or more mice to panty-raid the old gals while seeking food, and send them all into a panic. Well, at least your terrorist plot doesn't involve poisoning the water supplies of tributaries of major cities, virulent viruses being unleashed on an unsuspecting populace, or nukes.
Poor Bart Pennyweather. I suppose he allows his darling wife to wear the pants in their relationship, as these mice go strictly for panties. Kinda make one wonder...
It wasn't bad enough that mice had infested the pantalooms of most everyone at the Southern Ladies Cotillion and NRA Fundraiser Ball, but now cats were being added to the mix.
Is there no mercy for these poor, hapless souls? I certainly hoped there wouldn't be, heh-heh.
Great story, Mikey. ~Dean
Comment Written 05-Dec-2014
