Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "A Tryst, Tisk Tisk"A collection of sonnets
7 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Ah, the tricky wench, a Queen? Tsk tsk indeed. I must say, you seem to have utilized the form sweetly, relating such a tale. I do love the sonnet, and this is an example of why I do. Nicely done. Best of luck. :)
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Ah, the tricky wench, a Queen? Tsk tsk indeed. I must say, you seem to have utilized the form sweetly, relating such a tale. I do love the sonnet, and this is an example of why I do. Nicely done. Best of luck. :)
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
Comment from winespiller
If it's a sonnet you must write, I have six stars for you tonight. You consider yourself royalty, I enjoy it drinking boiled tea. Poems like this I seek, So I say your tops this week!
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If it's a sonnet you must write, I have six stars for you tonight. You consider yourself royalty, I enjoy it drinking boiled tea. Poems like this I seek, So I say your tops this week!
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
Comment from Tayari
That was very poetic. I have really nothing to point out cause to me it read very well. I liked poems of this stature since I was kid and if I was given some questions on it I would get like an B+ . The illustration was pretty cool too. Good job
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That was very poetic. I have really nothing to point out cause to me it read very well. I liked poems of this stature since I was kid and if I was given some questions on it I would get like an B+ . The illustration was pretty cool too. Good job
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
Comment from kittykatnoel
Excellent writing, I am not brave enough to tackle such structured poetry forms. I think the whole poem is executed expertly, but the first line did not grab my attention or seem to fit perfectly with the rest. Perhaps a word other than "daisies" would help.
A nicely done poem and thank you for sharing your writing.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2014
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Excellent writing, I am not brave enough to tackle such structured poetry forms. I think the whole poem is executed expertly, but the first line did not grab my attention or seem to fit perfectly with the rest. Perhaps a word other than "daisies" would help.
A nicely done poem and thank you for sharing your writing.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2014
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Hi. I've been fiddling with that line for two days. I'm glad you pointed that out as I wasn't sure it worked either. I think I have it now. I used, "dungeons" instead. NOW, I'm happy with it. Thanks for the encouraging words and the great tip. :))
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with the prompt. Everything seems to fir the criteria. Your poem had great flow, and I know that has to do with the meter. That is all I can accurately comment on about the mechanics. The picture is perfect for your words. I understand there is to be a twist and a couplet in the sonnet. I see those as written. Good job. I like the way you state how "lust heats up Hell!" Good luck in the contest.
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You did a great job with the prompt. Everything seems to fir the criteria. Your poem had great flow, and I know that has to do with the meter. That is all I can accurately comment on about the mechanics. The picture is perfect for your words. I understand there is to be a twist and a couplet in the sonnet. I see those as written. Good job. I like the way you state how "lust heats up Hell!" Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
Comment from adewpearl
solid rhyming in the chain rhyming pattern of the Spenserian sonnet
good alliteration in daisies in my dreams and heats up hell
should be daisies
good use of enjambment and consistent iambic meter
good alliteration in kingdom's clown
intense expression of emotion
Brooke
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solid rhyming in the chain rhyming pattern of the Spenserian sonnet
good alliteration in daisies in my dreams and heats up hell
should be daisies
good use of enjambment and consistent iambic meter
good alliteration in kingdom's clown
intense expression of emotion
Brooke
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
Comment from Eternal Muse
"It isn't sin but lust that heats up hell."
Very well done, a true love sonnet in the style of the old, with an award-winning picture.
The theme of unrequited love has been used in literature for centuries, they say it is the strongest kind of love, perhaps because of the agony of its unsatisfied nature. Our hero invested so much in his lady love, and she wed somebody else.
Loved the lyre our hero is holding in the picture.
This situation reminded me of a couple of lines of my own sonnet for the unrequited love contest:
"My khight, where did you hide your silver lyre?
The bells of love rang in my mind alone."
lol.
This was an impressive composition. Almost a six, some lines read less smooth than others iambically.
I think this will make a strong contender, thank you for joining us.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2014
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"It isn't sin but lust that heats up hell."
Very well done, a true love sonnet in the style of the old, with an award-winning picture.
The theme of unrequited love has been used in literature for centuries, they say it is the strongest kind of love, perhaps because of the agony of its unsatisfied nature. Our hero invested so much in his lady love, and she wed somebody else.
Loved the lyre our hero is holding in the picture.
This situation reminded me of a couple of lines of my own sonnet for the unrequited love contest:
"My khight, where did you hide your silver lyre?
The bells of love rang in my mind alone."
lol.
This was an impressive composition. Almost a six, some lines read less smooth than others iambically.
I think this will make a strong contender, thank you for joining us.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2014
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I like yours, very nice. I'm still playing with it. I think I know which lines you mean. :) Glad you liked it. I wrote another one and posted it too. "An Owl's Perspective". I'm getting better. Practice, Practice. mikey
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I would work on your first line for "daDUM, daDUM"s, it is the least smooth line of the whole write.
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Yeah. That was one of them. :) I made some changes, I hope I didn't go overboard!!
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The first line is now totally fine as far as iambic meter. But what is "daisies in my sleep"? Is it an American colloquialism I didnt hear about? lol.
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Just a bad idea. Hahaha. I changed it to "dungeons"! :)) I don't know what I was thinking with daisies! mikey
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It is totally great now.
