Vision and Sound: Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 53 "Still Seeing Demons"Two souls that meet as strangers on earth.
17 total reviews
Comment from Nosha17
The sparks have not left the evil ones yet. After all that, they are not softening up. Time will tell. Well described scenes of battle and survival. I don't like the violence, but I skipped the gory bits! Great chapter, Faye
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The sparks have not left the evil ones yet. After all that, they are not softening up. Time will tell. Well described scenes of battle and survival. I don't like the violence, but I skipped the gory bits! Great chapter, Faye
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
Comment from robina1978
A very nice and thrilling chapter again. Julia was found but stayed very quiet. Leopold got hurt and lost his vision.
Valerius so far has everything in control.
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A very nice and thrilling chapter again. Julia was found but stayed very quiet. Leopold got hurt and lost his vision.
Valerius so far has everything in control.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
Comment from Michaelk
I love it! Cervantes has seen the light and has turned on Leo. I love his admonishment, its so true, why decieve when you are the victor? Everything seems to be going Julia and Valerius' way. This is when we should feel the most afraid for something random to jump out and change everything.
Great chapter. I sense the end is near.
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I love it! Cervantes has seen the light and has turned on Leo. I love his admonishment, its so true, why decieve when you are the victor? Everything seems to be going Julia and Valerius' way. This is when we should feel the most afraid for something random to jump out and change everything.
Great chapter. I sense the end is near.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
Comment from Sankey
Good work again buddy. I was thinking maybe Leopold had repented but not sure. Old Rastavius is gone thank goodness fro that. You have done realloy well and NO SPAGS shock horror ha!
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Good work again buddy. I was thinking maybe Leopold had repented but not sure. Old Rastavius is gone thank goodness fro that. You have done realloy well and NO SPAGS shock horror ha!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
Comment from Gargantuan2
Horse coming might change to a horse or horses to imply how many are heard, one or more. Other than that it's an excellent chapter. :)
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Horse coming might change to a horse or horses to imply how many are heard, one or more. Other than that it's an excellent chapter. :)
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
Comment from CR Delport
Another very interesting chapter. Valerius arrives in time, and Leopold loses another eye due to his own foolishness. I am glad that Cervantes started to see the light. Now to deal with Cicero.
"Over hear, dear Leopold. --- Over here
Cassius, tend to Cervantes. If he makes a sound, slit his throat. --- The doctor just stopped Trellitia from slitting Leopold's throat, so that sentence doesn't ring true. He would say something like "If he makes a sound, knock him out.
" or something to that effect.
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reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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Another very interesting chapter. Valerius arrives in time, and Leopold loses another eye due to his own foolishness. I am glad that Cervantes started to see the light. Now to deal with Cicero.
"Over hear, dear Leopold. --- Over here
Cassius, tend to Cervantes. If he makes a sound, slit his throat. --- The doctor just stopped Trellitia from slitting Leopold's throat, so that sentence doesn't ring true. He would say something like "If he makes a sound, knock him out.
" or something to that effect.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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It's not coming across as intended which is not really serious. More of an off handed dismissive remark. Somewhat flippant. I don't think it will be seen that way, so I will change it. Thank you, mikey
Comment from Jay Squires
A stunning chapter in terms of its action and suspense.
"Over hear, dear Leopold. [Over HERE, dear Leopold.}
"I heard you call me, I felt sure of it." [Even in dialogue, I suppose, I need to point out a run-on sentence. You do with it as you will.]
Cassius, tend to Cervantes. If he makes a sound, slit his throat. [This seems clashingly out of character for Valerius, unless modified.]
Leopold focuses on Cervantes [Is this heading meant to be ironic?]
Good chapter. I still maintain you need to modify what Valerius said to Cassius.
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reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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A stunning chapter in terms of its action and suspense.
"Over hear, dear Leopold. [Over HERE, dear Leopold.}
"I heard you call me, I felt sure of it." [Even in dialogue, I suppose, I need to point out a run-on sentence. You do with it as you will.]
Cassius, tend to Cervantes. If he makes a sound, slit his throat. [This seems clashingly out of character for Valerius, unless modified.]
Leopold focuses on Cervantes [Is this heading meant to be ironic?]
Good chapter. I still maintain you need to modify what Valerius said to Cassius.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2014
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Yes, I'll have to change it. The tone is meant to be flippant and not at all serious. I'll look at that heading too as I don't know what I meant. :) Ha! I'll fix the run-on. Dialogue is license for poor English, not poor punctuation. Doesn't that sound good coming from me!!! mikey
