When The Toll Is Took
My Version of Haibun31 total reviews
Comment from mikemagine
Decidedly dark and eerie, Michael. Is this...a true story? Well, either way, it works doggone well as "Poesque" fiction. Exceedingly good verbiage with a powerful message.
Peace,
Mike
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Decidedly dark and eerie, Michael. Is this...a true story? Well, either way, it works doggone well as "Poesque" fiction. Exceedingly good verbiage with a powerful message.
Peace,
Mike
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
Comment from LIJ Red
Sounds like my uncle and cousin and father-in-law. people thought they were great. I don't smoke or drink and they call me an expletive deleted. Why should they care? Is your phony money counterfeit?
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Sounds like my uncle and cousin and father-in-law. people thought they were great. I don't smoke or drink and they call me an expletive deleted. Why should they care? Is your phony money counterfeit?
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
Comment from rjpurdy
This is a poignant testimony to the evil of tobacco. It speaks loudly to me as I am currently battling cancer from smoking camel non filters...go figure. The story has power from the short succinct sentences. It says so much more than the words you have penned here. Your 3-5-3 on the end puts good exclaimation on how hard it is to quit, even when life is at stake. Excellent piece Michael. Rod
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This is a poignant testimony to the evil of tobacco. It speaks loudly to me as I am currently battling cancer from smoking camel non filters...go figure. The story has power from the short succinct sentences. It says so much more than the words you have penned here. Your 3-5-3 on the end puts good exclaimation on how hard it is to quit, even when life is at stake. Excellent piece Michael. Rod
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
Comment from nancy_e_davis
It is creepy. Nicotine addiction is a killer for sure.
We have managed to get everyone in our family to quit!
What a blessing. It is unusual now to see people smoking. One day , while leaving the Hospital I saw a woman with oxygen tanks on the back of her wheelchair light up! That was scary! Well said Mike. Nancy
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It is creepy. Nicotine addiction is a killer for sure.
We have managed to get everyone in our family to quit!
What a blessing. It is unusual now to see people smoking. One day , while leaving the Hospital I saw a woman with oxygen tanks on the back of her wheelchair light up! That was scary! Well said Mike. Nancy
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
Once you get writing you can not stop. There is never one too many. I love the picture. I love the poem. Your Uncle could not stop. He smoked his self to death. This happens too often. This should be a warning. Make that next cigarette your last. It may be your last in a way you do not intend. Great work.
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Once you get writing you can not stop. There is never one too many. I love the picture. I love the poem. Your Uncle could not stop. He smoked his self to death. This happens too often. This should be a warning. Make that next cigarette your last. It may be your last in a way you do not intend. Great work.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
Comment from Drew Delaney
Excellent, Michaelcahill. Too bad it was not accepted. So many rules. Oh, well. this is still one you can be proud of. And keep it in your book of short stories, or wherever you place these short poems.
Well done!
Drew
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Excellent, Michaelcahill. Too bad it was not accepted. So many rules. Oh, well. this is still one you can be proud of. And keep it in your book of short stories, or wherever you place these short poems.
Well done!
Drew
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This was so good, Mikey, and unfortunately it is happening all the time. I didn't know there was a limit to how many contests you can enter, you must have entered hundreds!! And won, to be barred! LOL. xsx sandra
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This was so good, Mikey, and unfortunately it is happening all the time. I didn't know there was a limit to how many contests you can enter, you must have entered hundreds!! And won, to be barred! LOL. xsx sandra
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
Comment from Linda Engel
My daddy smoked like that , two packs a day, Pall Mall un-filtered. He died age 47. Ex mother-in-law did the same. Doctor threatened to cut off her legs if she didn't quit.
great little story and very imaginative.
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My daddy smoked like that , two packs a day, Pall Mall un-filtered. He died age 47. Ex mother-in-law did the same. Doctor threatened to cut off her legs if she didn't quit.
great little story and very imaginative.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
Comment from Gargantuan2
LOL.. yes, you. Interesting little piece, this one. My dad passed from congested heart failure in '98, but one vice he kept was his smoking. :)
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LOL.. yes, you. Interesting little piece, this one. My dad passed from congested heart failure in '98, but one vice he kept was his smoking. :)
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ever seen those anti-tobacco commercials, the ones where people afflicted by the diseases that cigarette smoking can cause make their "public service announcements", of sorts? Those commercials are chillingly devised, and I thought of them as I read your piece.
As far as entering too many contests goes, I feel your pain, my friend. Get's to be kinda habitual, doesn't it? I like them because they often force me to write outside of my darkened comfort zone, force me out into the light, so to speak.
Well done, Mikey, and your narrative was wonderfully horrific -- as it pertains to true life.
~Dean
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Ever seen those anti-tobacco commercials, the ones where people afflicted by the diseases that cigarette smoking can cause make their "public service announcements", of sorts? Those commercials are chillingly devised, and I thought of them as I read your piece.
As far as entering too many contests goes, I feel your pain, my friend. Get's to be kinda habitual, doesn't it? I like them because they often force me to write outside of my darkened comfort zone, force me out into the light, so to speak.
Well done, Mikey, and your narrative was wonderfully horrific -- as it pertains to true life.
~Dean
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
