When The Toll Is Took
My Version of Haibun31 total reviews
Comment from emrpoems
It is sad tht sensible humans allow these addictions to destroy their lives.
Well done haibun with a strong message that they should avoid pleasures that may prove unhealthy of destructive or deathly to themselves.
Well paired picture and poem
  |
It is sad tht sensible humans allow these addictions to destroy their lives.
Well done haibun with a strong message that they should avoid pleasures that may prove unhealthy of destructive or deathly to themselves.
Well paired picture and poem
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
Comment from Sasha
Terrific Haibun and a strong message too. I smoke and often have scary dreams just like this. Anyone that does not understand addiction cannot possibly understand how difficult it is to quit, even knowing it will most likely kill you. Great work with this one.
|
Terrific Haibun and a strong message too. I smoke and often have scary dreams just like this. Anyone that does not understand addiction cannot possibly understand how difficult it is to quit, even knowing it will most likely kill you. Great work with this one.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Powerful message, do not self-destruct. Some people's lives,, I understand, are desperate, so they resort to desperate measures and do not heed the warnings. Sad waste of a life. Good use of descriptive language and well expressed thoughts. Well chosen words. Faye
|
Powerful message, do not self-destruct. Some people's lives,, I understand, are desperate, so they resort to desperate measures and do not heed the warnings. Sad waste of a life. Good use of descriptive language and well expressed thoughts. Well chosen words. Faye
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Wow! Poor Johnny Be Good. I had a kinfolk, think his name was Gerald, had a hole in his throat and still sucked a camel. This is creepy but reality. Kind of scary. Hey, I'm 51, maybe this is a preminition. However, I do not smoke or drink. Yaw really found him in that state, with a cig between his fingers. Vodka too. This would had been killer! Count your doubloon. do loco saving some nuggets for chapters. No harm done.
|
Wow! Poor Johnny Be Good. I had a kinfolk, think his name was Gerald, had a hole in his throat and still sucked a camel. This is creepy but reality. Kind of scary. Hey, I'm 51, maybe this is a preminition. However, I do not smoke or drink. Yaw really found him in that state, with a cig between his fingers. Vodka too. This would had been killer! Count your doubloon. do loco saving some nuggets for chapters. No harm done.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2014
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Michael: Some people don't know when to quit. I like both of your stories and the expanded version. Like making pizzas, keep adding ingredients. I've been reading more. Love your Julia story and the passionate kiss. Priests got their reward for their evil deeds and great wolves in action.. Oh, that's the other review... This is true, people abuse and get addicted in the darkness, the priests and this man. Breath is how we started by the miracle of life. Treasure every moment.
flylikeaneagle
|
Michael: Some people don't know when to quit. I like both of your stories and the expanded version. Like making pizzas, keep adding ingredients. I've been reading more. Love your Julia story and the passionate kiss. Priests got their reward for their evil deeds and great wolves in action.. Oh, that's the other review... This is true, people abuse and get addicted in the darkness, the priests and this man. Breath is how we started by the miracle of life. Treasure every moment.
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
Comment from robina1978
The photo is nice and complement's your Haibun very well. A guy that drinks and smokes too much. I love the last bit as well, you can interpret it several ways.
|
The photo is nice and complement's your Haibun very well. A guy that drinks and smokes too much. I love the last bit as well, you can interpret it several ways.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
Comment from adewpearl
Fantastic visual of a cigarette in the hole in this guy's throat, smoke blowing out
Goodbye, Uncle - add comma for direct address
vivid and grim detail in the prose portrait
in the haiku section I am not a fan of leaving a word like "for" hanging at the end of a line
Brooke
|
Fantastic visual of a cigarette in the hole in this guy's throat, smoke blowing out
Goodbye, Uncle - add comma for direct address
vivid and grim detail in the prose portrait
in the haiku section I am not a fan of leaving a word like "for" hanging at the end of a line
Brooke
Comment Written 01-Dec-2014
Comment from Joe_P
The poem brings to light a subject that few people talk about. This is a cry to Uncle Johnny. I told you so. This is also an admonition, a warning to those who take up the habit. It is slow suicide.
|
The poem brings to light a subject that few people talk about. This is a cry to Uncle Johnny. I told you so. This is also an admonition, a warning to those who take up the habit. It is slow suicide.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
Comment from Spitfire
This would convince me to stop smoking, and apparently Johnny according to the 3-5-3 that follows. This shows how addictive nicotine is. Sounds like he could smoke two at a time and drink too. Love the pun of the title.
|
This would convince me to stop smoking, and apparently Johnny according to the 3-5-3 that follows. This shows how addictive nicotine is. Sounds like he could smoke two at a time and drink too. Love the pun of the title.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
Comment from l.raven
HI Michael, sounds like a friend of mine...she smoked camels( no filter)...she got lung cancer...in the hospital she decided to stop smoking...she lived two more weeks...great timing....very well expressed you...sorry about your uncle Johnny....sorry you couldn't enter it...sigh...luff Linda xxoo
|
HI Michael, sounds like a friend of mine...she smoked camels( no filter)...she got lung cancer...in the hospital she decided to stop smoking...she lived two more weeks...great timing....very well expressed you...sorry about your uncle Johnny....sorry you couldn't enter it...sigh...luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 30-Nov-2014
