sane?
entry 1-6-112 total reviews
Comment from Aveindha
ok i first time i read it...I was like "what?" i waasn't sure what you were trying to say. Then I went over it again, and your meaning became very apparent. and your words are actually quiet powerful...but i myself do not really enjoy morbib to this degree (i had a cousin that killed herself) BUT it is very powerful and a good poem. the reason i am only giving a four, is because I feel a little use of some comma's or full stops could have added a more power to your words. For example:Emptied. easing my pain...
good luck in the contest
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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2014
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ok i first time i read it...I was like "what?" i waasn't sure what you were trying to say. Then I went over it again, and your meaning became very apparent. and your words are actually quiet powerful...but i myself do not really enjoy morbib to this degree (i had a cousin that killed herself) BUT it is very powerful and a good poem. the reason i am only giving a four, is because I feel a little use of some comma's or full stops could have added a more power to your words. For example:Emptied. easing my pain...
good luck in the contest
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Comment Written 28-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2014
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Hi. I'm sorry for your loss. I've suffered a similar loss and it is difficult. I don't disagree with your suggestions, but I'm sometimes accused of overdoing the punctuation and even the word placement. I'll think about it. I don't mind a four when it comes with good solid input. Thank you. Still smiling. :)
Comment from rama devi
Wow, this is potent for such a short poem and the rhymed title is a clever addition, giving a perspective and commentary in one word. Bravo. A strong contender for my vote. The rhymes are good and the alliteration of E in line two is also deftly done. The meaning is intense and provoking. Superb use of the brevity and word economy of this form. Fine presentation. Good luck
Warmly, rd
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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2014
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Wow, this is potent for such a short poem and the rhymed title is a clever addition, giving a perspective and commentary in one word. Bravo. A strong contender for my vote. The rhymes are good and the alliteration of E in line two is also deftly done. The meaning is intense and provoking. Superb use of the brevity and word economy of this form. Fine presentation. Good luck
Warmly, rd
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Comment Written 28-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2014
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I'm so pleased you liked this. Big smiles. Thank you very much!
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:-)))
