Framed
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "It's Over"A thriller set in Washington
5 total reviews
Comment from TOMORAL
Oh, I had a feeling that mean old Alexis would double cross him. Glad he hooked up with Jess again. She will no doubt save his life. This is just plain old great stuff, here.
Excellent writing...
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Oh, I had a feeling that mean old Alexis would double cross him. Glad he hooked up with Jess again. She will no doubt save his life. This is just plain old great stuff, here.
Excellent writing...
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Your generosity exceeds my vocabulary. Reviews like this more than make up for the rejections of agents.
Thank you again
Comment from Jay Squires
Hey, Bob, I couldn't find any SPAG! I am reading this on another Huge Screen computer, though, and it skews my judgment. So I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, LOL.
I've always said your writing was 6 star material, if it weren't for the SPAG. Gotta agree with that now.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Hey, Bob, I couldn't find any SPAG! I am reading this on another Huge Screen computer, though, and it skews my judgment. So I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, LOL.
I've always said your writing was 6 star material, if it weren't for the SPAG. Gotta agree with that now.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Jay, you have made a good day even better. I think I've now worked out how to get you that reviewing nomination.
Thank you again
Comment from JanetRussek
I was waiting for the next chapter, and, click! It popped right up. Hurray. Truly enjoying this adventure.
Warm Regards,
Janet
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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I was waiting for the next chapter, and, click! It popped right up. Hurray. Truly enjoying this adventure.
Warm Regards,
Janet
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Thank you Janet. Hope your enjoyment is maintained throughout the remainder of the story.
That offer of promotional manager is still available.
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Awe, shucks.
Comment from Jason S. Parker
Nice work.
Your prose is tops. Your dialogue could use some work.
Suggestions:
1. Think about how you can make these lines of dialogue more unique. They are all cliche.
"Get out of here, Jess," he struggled with his words. "It's over."
"Not quitting on me, are you?"
"Save yourself, Jess. I can't walk."
2. A semi-colon in dialogue like this is a little odd.
"You don't have to walk, Calin, just float. We're going swimming; the current's going to take us downstream."
3. More cliche dialogue.
"I hope you know what you're doing."
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Nice work.
Your prose is tops. Your dialogue could use some work.
Suggestions:
1. Think about how you can make these lines of dialogue more unique. They are all cliche.
"Get out of here, Jess," he struggled with his words. "It's over."
"Not quitting on me, are you?"
"Save yourself, Jess. I can't walk."
2. A semi-colon in dialogue like this is a little odd.
"You don't have to walk, Calin, just float. We're going swimming; the current's going to take us downstream."
3. More cliche dialogue.
"I hope you know what you're doing."
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Thank you Jason for stopping by and reviewing my work. I appreciate your time and effort in making such a constructive comment
Comment from royowen
Do I detect the smell of romance in the air? Or is it more like a like a little perfumed pollution? Well done with this one Bob, you've woven in two ideals in this episode! The excitement is growing and so is the tension, emotion v pragmatism, survival v vulnerability, great write again, Bob, I've been thinking about your brother, how is he? Alright, bearing up? Blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Do I detect the smell of romance in the air? Or is it more like a like a little perfumed pollution? Well done with this one Bob, you've woven in two ideals in this episode! The excitement is growing and so is the tension, emotion v pragmatism, survival v vulnerability, great write again, Bob, I've been thinking about your brother, how is he? Alright, bearing up? Blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Roy, as always thank you. And thank you for thinking of my brother. He is to be operated on Dec 1st. Both he and the doctors are optimistic.
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Welcome Bob
