The Boogie Man
A story of crime and punishment17 total reviews
Comment from Adri7enne
"He thought, every second courts, why can't I get lucky just this once?" Maybe you could smooth this out. Want to try it this way?
Just leave a space and start the next paragraph with the thought, in italics if you can.
"Every second counts. Why can't I get lucky just this once?" No attributions necessary. It's obvious it's his thought.
Yeah, that's what it takes sometimes for policemen to forget they're supposed to not get emotionally involved. Revenge must be very tempting in that kind of case. Swift justice, I guess they'd tell themselves. Good story, Bill. I bet it happens.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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"He thought, every second courts, why can't I get lucky just this once?" Maybe you could smooth this out. Want to try it this way?
Just leave a space and start the next paragraph with the thought, in italics if you can.
"Every second counts. Why can't I get lucky just this once?" No attributions necessary. It's obvious it's his thought.
Yeah, that's what it takes sometimes for policemen to forget they're supposed to not get emotionally involved. Revenge must be very tempting in that kind of case. Swift justice, I guess they'd tell themselves. Good story, Bill. I bet it happens.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Thanks for reading and for the excellent suggestion that I will shamelessly use!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Eggs over-easy, grits, sausage, biscuits and coffee. (Where's the sausage gravy??)
I think every parent would want to shoot the guy too. You did a good job writing this.
You can back that story can't you?" (comma before can't)
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2014
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Eggs over-easy, grits, sausage, biscuits and coffee. (Where's the sausage gravy??)
I think every parent would want to shoot the guy too. You did a good job writing this.
You can back that story can't you?" (comma before can't)
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2014
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Thank you for reading and for your very kind feedback! Both are appreciated. Bill
Comment from Judy Couch
This is an excellent story. I loved the ending. Too bad more officers don't do this kind of thing instead of allowing the perp back out on the street in a couple of hours. If you act like a rabid animal, you deserve to be treated like one. I also liked the name of the inn: "Tuck You Inn". How cute is that.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2014
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This is an excellent story. I loved the ending. Too bad more officers don't do this kind of thing instead of allowing the perp back out on the street in a couple of hours. If you act like a rabid animal, you deserve to be treated like one. I also liked the name of the inn: "Tuck You Inn". How cute is that.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2014
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Thanks for reading Judy and your kind and most generous feedback. Actually some history. A North Florida, Highway Patrol Officer killed a child rapist, killer in the back seat of his police care in the late 60's. Guy was cuffed, no charges ever filed. Bill
Comment from c_lucas
It would have been better to shoot his balls off and arrest him and let him bleed to death in his cell. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2014
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It would have been better to shoot his balls off and arrest him and let him bleed to death in his cell. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2014
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Thank you for reading and for your very kind feedback! Both are appreciated. Bill
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You're welcome, Bill. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Charlie
Comment from nor84
Bill, I really like this one. Kept me reading and the dialogue was spot on. I have a suggestion about it in a couple of places where I don't think one cop would say something to another cop.
The first place I stumbled was where one said to the other that he'd called for 'an all points bulletin'. He'd probably say APB, and most readers would understand what that means from TV. If you wanted to get away from the acronym, the cop could just repeat what he'd been told and then say, "Already called it in."
A similar thing happens when The Tuck You Inn (cute name) is described as a 'shady place'. The picture I have is of two small-town cops, and they'd both know it was a shady place. Might be brought in by one of them saying he'd been called there a week ago, etc., etc., and adding something about the need to clean the place up -- unless these guys are a team, in which case one wouldn't have gone there without the other.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2014
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Bill, I really like this one. Kept me reading and the dialogue was spot on. I have a suggestion about it in a couple of places where I don't think one cop would say something to another cop.
The first place I stumbled was where one said to the other that he'd called for 'an all points bulletin'. He'd probably say APB, and most readers would understand what that means from TV. If you wanted to get away from the acronym, the cop could just repeat what he'd been told and then say, "Already called it in."
A similar thing happens when The Tuck You Inn (cute name) is described as a 'shady place'. The picture I have is of two small-town cops, and they'd both know it was a shady place. Might be brought in by one of them saying he'd been called there a week ago, etc., etc., and adding something about the need to clean the place up -- unless these guys are a team, in which case one wouldn't have gone there without the other.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2014
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Thanks for reading Norma and for your observations. I got wild and changed all points .... to BOLO. You're right, people watch tv. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving. Bill
Comment from Drew Delaney
Taking the law into your own hands these days is almost what needs to be done. Otherwise, he's on the streets again following a short sentence and becomes a re-offender.
This is very well written.
Bogger turned the man around - typo on Booger
Drew
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reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Taking the law into your own hands these days is almost what needs to be done. Otherwise, he's on the streets again following a short sentence and becomes a re-offender.
This is very well written.
Bogger turned the man around - typo on Booger
Drew
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Thanks for reading, the kind comments and the spot. I appreciate all! Bill
Comment from a.w.brooks
I enjoyed the story and I liked the end a little dark about a man that likes to have sex and kill his victims thanks for the write I didn't see any errors on my end but thanks again for the read and happy writing
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reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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I enjoyed the story and I liked the end a little dark about a man that likes to have sex and kill his victims thanks for the write I didn't see any errors on my end but thanks again for the read and happy writing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Thanks for reading and the kind feedback. I appreciate both! Bill
