The Camel and the Dove
A long Journey for Two Friends30 total reviews
Comment from butterfly4265
An excellent Christmas story contained in this well written poem. The flow from one verse to the next is excellent with very good imagery and rhyming. This is very special and unique, and I enjoyed this immensely. Thank you so much for sharing, and good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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An excellent Christmas story contained in this well written poem. The flow from one verse to the next is excellent with very good imagery and rhyming. This is very special and unique, and I enjoyed this immensely. Thank you so much for sharing, and good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 24-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Thank you so much, Butterfly....(sweet name).
Comment from GracieAnn
LoannaLois, this Christmas Poetry contest entry is unique in presentation and creative in story line. The best part is the Gospel contained within. Well done. All the best in the contest. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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LoannaLois, this Christmas Poetry contest entry is unique in presentation and creative in story line. The best part is the Gospel contained within. Well done. All the best in the contest. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014
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Thank you, dear GracieAnn. I really appreciate your understanding.
Comment from mfowler
In the spirit of Babushka, The Little Drummerboy, and many more, you've invented a sweet Christmas poem about a camel and a dove who visit the infant Jesus. Both creatures feature strongly in bible texts concerning God and Jesus, so they are well chosen for the story. Lovely verse brings the story to a peak when Jesus gives camel another day to live. The emotions are well defined and the scene set beautifully.
I have a problem with 'God's first miracle', however. It obviously wasn't his first, and some will take you to task over this. Creation, for example.
Maybe:as dove sang praises to her God and Holy infant King,
dove wept to witness God's first miracle. ..might be
as dove sang praises to her God and Holy infant King,
he wept for he had seen a miracle.
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In the spirit of Babushka, The Little Drummerboy, and many more, you've invented a sweet Christmas poem about a camel and a dove who visit the infant Jesus. Both creatures feature strongly in bible texts concerning God and Jesus, so they are well chosen for the story. Lovely verse brings the story to a peak when Jesus gives camel another day to live. The emotions are well defined and the scene set beautifully.
I have a problem with 'God's first miracle', however. It obviously wasn't his first, and some will take you to task over this. Creation, for example.
Maybe:as dove sang praises to her God and Holy infant King,
dove wept to witness God's first miracle. ..might be
as dove sang praises to her God and Holy infant King,
he wept for he had seen a miracle.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
Comment from Antoine Charlemaine
What an interesting and unique take on the old Christmas story, Loanna. Very nice little story. Well thought out and executed. You take your readers to a point of exhilaration, then quickly to depths of sadness, then surprise them with the brilliant conclusion. Well done.
Anthony
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What an interesting and unique take on the old Christmas story, Loanna. Very nice little story. Well thought out and executed. You take your readers to a point of exhilaration, then quickly to depths of sadness, then surprise them with the brilliant conclusion. Well done.
Anthony
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
Comment from Carole Rosa
Lois, This is just an amazing little story within a poem. The flow of words and sweet thoughts are so very special. You have my vote if I'm allowed to vote on this contest. Very nice. Carole
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Lois, This is just an amazing little story within a poem. The flow of words and sweet thoughts are so very special. You have my vote if I'm allowed to vote on this contest. Very nice. Carole
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
Comment from krys123
LoannaLois;
brilliant conceptual topic with a creative and inventive imagination, effective descriptive and expressive imagery(mostly throughout)(" soon dove was flying back to tell friend camel of her news. She had a blessing right from Jesus's hand."), Tactical alliteration(distance dove),
exceptional story within a poem and outstanding picture to complement represent the poem. These are just some of the qualities and traits that I found within your exceptional poem.
I truly enjoyed your story and it was very well written with rhyming that was neither forced nor labored and the rhythm needed a little bit of tempo and meter but otherwise flowed smoothly.
Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always my dearest friend.
Alex
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LoannaLois;
brilliant conceptual topic with a creative and inventive imagination, effective descriptive and expressive imagery(mostly throughout)(" soon dove was flying back to tell friend camel of her news. She had a blessing right from Jesus's hand."), Tactical alliteration(distance dove),
exceptional story within a poem and outstanding picture to complement represent the poem. These are just some of the qualities and traits that I found within your exceptional poem.
I truly enjoyed your story and it was very well written with rhyming that was neither forced nor labored and the rhythm needed a little bit of tempo and meter but otherwise flowed smoothly.
Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always my dearest friend.
Alex
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
Comment from royowen
What a beautifully written poignant love song, written about our saviour who left the comfort of heaven to be born in an eating trough, his parents without accommodation, forced to flee to Egypt to escape death, this is a well designed and composed poem, I love the sacrificial camel and the delicate dove, who poured out his adoration for the new born King, well done Loanna, compliments of the season, blessings, Roy.
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What a beautifully written poignant love song, written about our saviour who left the comfort of heaven to be born in an eating trough, his parents without accommodation, forced to flee to Egypt to escape death, this is a well designed and composed poem, I love the sacrificial camel and the delicate dove, who poured out his adoration for the new born King, well done Loanna, compliments of the season, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
Comment from kiwijenny
This poem is very special.
Love between two friends and seeing Jesus
Beautiful. I took care of a mourning dove after it's tree was cut down. I fed it buttermilk even though the kids got worms for it...I said It needs pigeon milk...when it's mother came back after the storm we put it back in the nest...I could go to the mail box and there was a dove there that never flew away from me...it knew me as buttermilk mom I guess:o)
God bless
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This poem is very special.
Love between two friends and seeing Jesus
Beautiful. I took care of a mourning dove after it's tree was cut down. I fed it buttermilk even though the kids got worms for it...I said It needs pigeon milk...when it's mother came back after the storm we put it back in the nest...I could go to the mail box and there was a dove there that never flew away from me...it knew me as buttermilk mom I guess:o)
God bless
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
Comment from Ben Colder
Doves a special bird. Mates for life with only one, and very unique.nothing wrong with this poem. I hope you the best. The stanzas are strong. Shalom.
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Doves a special bird. Mates for life with only one, and very unique.nothing wrong with this poem. I hope you the best. The stanzas are strong. Shalom.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
Comment from Mark Valentine
If the site allowed for one word reviews, I would just write "beautiful" and leave it at that. I've got Christmas music on in the background and plan to start some decorating today (Maggie won't let me get the tree until after Thanksgiving)- this was a perfect heart-warming way to start the day.
Loved the structure - some impressive rhymes (dependable-expendable, lyrical-miracle), and the occasional internal rhyme. I'm guessing the artwork was also yours. The story has a classic feel to it - I can see parents reading this one to their kids. Thanks for getting the Christmas season of to the right start.
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If the site allowed for one word reviews, I would just write "beautiful" and leave it at that. I've got Christmas music on in the background and plan to start some decorating today (Maggie won't let me get the tree until after Thanksgiving)- this was a perfect heart-warming way to start the day.
Loved the structure - some impressive rhymes (dependable-expendable, lyrical-miracle), and the occasional internal rhyme. I'm guessing the artwork was also yours. The story has a classic feel to it - I can see parents reading this one to their kids. Thanks for getting the Christmas season of to the right start.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
