Comment from mikemagine

Excellent

Sad, yet very beautiful poem. Being determined to see the King, having Faith! Those are the things all Believers must do daily, in truth. If our eyes are not fixed on the eyes of Jesus Christ...

Mike

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2014

Comment from JPilcher

Excellent

This was a very fun piece of work to read!! LOVED the line(s) toward the beginning: "I wonder if our plan was maybe foolish and naive...
I mean, are camels' dreams dependable?"

I mean, that is a VERY VALID question after all!! LOL!!! GREAT WORK!!! :)

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2014

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Loanna,

Beautiful story, and especially at Christmas time. Perfect for an entry.

How many years have you had the dove?

Good luck in the contest.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*.*)

 Comment Written 29-Nov-2014

Comment from Drew Delaney

Excellent

This is so beautiful, LoannaLois. It's sad to think it was the animals that came, but they are very special creatures.

I didn't quite understand the final words in the author notes. Could you please explain? It was the doves mother that was killed by a hawk. Then I get lost.

Best wishes in this Christmas contest. I'm sure there will be plenty and I, too, hope to write one if I am able.

Thanks for sharing,
Drew Delaney xx

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014

Hi Drew...I did not word that thought well at all. I was attempting to say that I chose a camel to walk beside the dove because she needed a worthy companion. Your friend, Lo

Comment from mermaids

Excellent

This is a wonderful Christmas story that would make a good Sunday School educational story. Love the friendship between the camel and the dove. Excellent poetic form that tells a story.

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014

What a lovely comment. Thank you .

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Excellent

Hi Loanna Lois - A lovely story and an unusual approach to the Christmas story which we are all familiar with. Not the shepherds or the wise men looking for the star, but a camel and a dove. The dove a symbol of peace. Enjoyable story and good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x

 Comment Written 26-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014

Blessings, Dorothy...

Comment from flamingstar

Excellent

If I had a six left, it would be yours. This is so good I was practically in tears toward the end when camel was dying. Then so relieved that he was revived! Great storytelling...

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014

What a nice gift of words you gave me! It felt better than a six!

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

I love the pairing of artwork and poem, which is in excellent abcb rhyme
I like the dialogue between camel and dove
good alliteration in phrases like dreams dependable
vivid descriptive detail
a lovely retelling of the nativity story with the camel and dove included
this is quite poignant
Brooke

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014

Hi dear friend...miss your teaching....and loved your comments.

Comment from kittykatnoel

Good

Interesting poem. I think it would help the presentation if you are able to edit to consistent syllable count, rhyme scheme and rhythm. A pattern applied with the length of lines will help the reader to understand more fully your intent, and will also aid the reader in "feeling" the poem. Thank you for sharing your writing.

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014

Thank you for writing. I appreciate it.

Comment from Sam Mendonca

Excellent

I enjoyed your poem very much.

It has some very powerful wording of how one should always continue to try and be blessed in the end.



Very nice work. (Smile)

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Nov-2014

I loved your words...(and your smile)....