Saving Jill
A quatrain poem about saving a life.34 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi J, I think this is a sad piece of writing and your reader can truly feel the pain of your situation ... I like that you put feelings out on the table for all. Done in beautiful quatrains too. Nice work. Good luck. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
  |
Hi J, I think this is a sad piece of writing and your reader can truly feel the pain of your situation ... I like that you put feelings out on the table for all. Done in beautiful quatrains too. Nice work. Good luck. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
-
Thank you so much!!! Very much appreciated!!!!! :) <3 Jill P.
Comment from racheal dubois
i love this poem it is very powerful and so true, i would very much enjoy reading more of your poetry. thank you for this poem i found it very touching.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
 |
i love this poem it is very powerful and so true, i would very much enjoy reading more of your poetry. thank you for this poem i found it very touching.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
-
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! And by all means, come check out my page!!!!! Oh this totally made my day/night (whichever I care to consider it come the time I have to wake up!)!!!!!!! <3 Jill
Comment from Jay Squires
A lifetime of being beyond wore down. [A lifetime of being beyond WORN down >> I hate to suggest word changes in poetry because of the potential change in meter and rhyme. Since the correct word is Worn, it has the same syllable count as wore, so I can't see why you'd have anything to lose.
This started with a message of hopelessness, but with the final two lines we have a credo by which Jill can live: "she must save herself."
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
|
A lifetime of being beyond wore down. [A lifetime of being beyond WORN down >> I hate to suggest word changes in poetry because of the potential change in meter and rhyme. Since the correct word is Worn, it has the same syllable count as wore, so I can't see why you'd have anything to lose.
This started with a message of hopelessness, but with the final two lines we have a credo by which Jill can live: "she must save herself."
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
-
Actually.. Thank you!!! I kept reading that over & again & thought "That can't possibly be right. It has to be "worn!" but didn't touch it - until now at least!!! ;)
Had I written it in MWord initially, I wouldn't of even had to 2nd guess myself - but I did know better, yes. Thanks for reinforcing that 'cause I totally understand what you mean about hating to suggest word changes with poetry!!! Glad you did it though!!! :) <3 Jill P.
-
Actually.. Thank you!!! I kept reading that over & again & thought "That can't possibly be right. It has to be "worn!" but didn't touch it - until now at least!!! ;)
Had I written it in MWord initially, I wouldn't of even had to 2nd guess myself - but I did know better, yes. Thanks for reinforcing that 'cause I totally understand what you mean about hating to suggest word changes with poetry!!! Glad you did it though!!! :) <3 Jill P.
-
Well, I'm thrilled you took it in a mature way. For some reason some poets feel that changes are for prose works, but poetry comes from a muse and muses are sacrosanct!
Comment from lakeport
Saving Jill, indeed that's a very heartfelt emotional expressed poem. Good luck at the contest. God bless you. Lakeport....
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
|
Saving Jill, indeed that's a very heartfelt emotional expressed poem. Good luck at the contest. God bless you. Lakeport....
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
-
Thank you!! Much appreciated!!!
-
you are welcome,lakeport,
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
HI, J,
Awesome presentation yourself, girlfriend. This is beautiful. Is the photo you? The phot and formatting are so well done with an antique effect--sort of the old style daguerreotype.
Great story in this poem where the person learns no matter what happens, one has to save oneself---no one can do it for them. Does this happen to be biographical?
Having been in the pits of depression some years back, I know first hand what it takes to come back---not a piece of cake.
This is very well written with raw emotion reflected. Gets my vote! Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*.*)
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
|
HI, J,
Awesome presentation yourself, girlfriend. This is beautiful. Is the photo you? The phot and formatting are so well done with an antique effect--sort of the old style daguerreotype.
Great story in this poem where the person learns no matter what happens, one has to save oneself---no one can do it for them. Does this happen to be biographical?
Having been in the pits of depression some years back, I know first hand what it takes to come back---not a piece of cake.
This is very well written with raw emotion reflected. Gets my vote! Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*.*)
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
-
Thanks Jax!! Yes, that's me (Jill!)! I actually took that "selfie" while laying on my friends floor, after finishing a video project that my crazy ass came up with!! LOL!! Very much a biography, to the "t" even.
If you want to check out that video I mentioned.. You can find it here: http://youtu.be/noVBHiXJ-Ss ... Feel free to share too!!! That's the point - to pass along the message of stopping the stigma once & for all!!!
Also, you should check out "The Girl In The Window" on my page if you have a chance. That is sort of where my ginormous revelation began per se. Thanks again (& I will keep on smiling - but for real now!)!!! ;) <3 Jill P.
-
I tried to watch the video but it said I have to 'take off safety mode'.... Helloooo, what is that?
-
LOLOLOL!! Maybe because it has, like ONLY ONE cuss word in it I think, or maybe because it's a YouTube video?!? I don't know!!! You're the only one out of over a hundred people that have had this problem!!! LOL!!!!!
Take it off safety more (if you can figure out how or even what that is exactly!)!!!!! I promise - it's safe!!!!!! :O
-
I'll work on it. (*,*)
-
LOL!! LOL!! LOL!!
Well that was a HOOT!
You are too funny. (*;*)
-
LMAO... So, I assume you got to view it then? ;)
-
Yea, it was eezy peezy once I did some investigating. I'm always afraid if I start messing around I'll screw something up..... Hey, it could happen on a very RARE occasion! LOL
-
LOLOL!! You're so adorable!!! <3
Comment from yarnteller
What courage! To have been so far down in despair with no help and all hope gone is truly heartbreaking. To continue living is the true grit of your character. Good luck.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
|
What courage! To have been so far down in despair with no help and all hope gone is truly heartbreaking. To continue living is the true grit of your character. Good luck.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
-
Yes, thank you!! It is a little misleading though, because it isn't like I haven't had help or would not of had it, had I asked for it. It was more so, I hid that awful place I was in - & I did it very well. Fortunately for me, by an almost complete fluke even, I escaped. <3 Jill P.
Comment from Ronni
Wow ...what a profound story here with a most compelling
dilemma Jill faced. The anguish, desperation and
hopelessness conveyed in such gripping imagery and
progression from phrase to phrase! The best part
is the ending, which is a real twist and refreshing
resolution on Jill's part...realizing she has to save
herself first... and is so true. So many end up
mired in even deeper demise. This is exactly the
right kind of message and solution to someone in
such dire and traumatic circumstances.
Great contest entry...best of luck!.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
|
Wow ...what a profound story here with a most compelling
dilemma Jill faced. The anguish, desperation and
hopelessness conveyed in such gripping imagery and
progression from phrase to phrase! The best part
is the ending, which is a real twist and refreshing
resolution on Jill's part...realizing she has to save
herself first... and is so true. So many end up
mired in even deeper demise. This is exactly the
right kind of message and solution to someone in
such dire and traumatic circumstances.
Great contest entry...best of luck!.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
-
Thank you much & agree on all counts!! <3 Jill P.
;)
Comment from LHerne
I've not usually spend time with poetry, but this one brought me back to reflect. A potential suicide victim who saves herself. She see's that it is up to her.
Not sure of the line "a lifetime of being beyond wore down"
is she looking from outside herself at herself? such a powerful image. What was her turning point though?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
 |
I've not usually spend time with poetry, but this one brought me back to reflect. A potential suicide victim who saves herself. She see's that it is up to her.
Not sure of the line "a lifetime of being beyond wore down"
is she looking from outside herself at herself? such a powerful image. What was her turning point though?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
-
Thanks for reading - much appreciated.
Comment from Charlene0513
Loneliness is a terrible feeling and when your beloved one or family cannot see the signs then life does seem unbearable to go on.
Cry out and be heard for if anyone will be on your side fighting for your life is Jesus.
Your moral might be ; No matter how low you feel there is always hope; so look upwards to saving grace.
Charlene
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
|
Loneliness is a terrible feeling and when your beloved one or family cannot see the signs then life does seem unbearable to go on.
Cry out and be heard for if anyone will be on your side fighting for your life is Jesus.
Your moral might be ; No matter how low you feel there is always hope; so look upwards to saving grace.
Charlene
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
-
Thank you!! Much appreciated!!!
Comment from Erys
No one can save someone if that someone can not save himself, that I know to be true. Even is sad, I enjoyed reading your poem!
Best wishes!
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
|
No one can save someone if that someone can not save himself, that I know to be true. Even is sad, I enjoyed reading your poem!
Best wishes!
Comment Written 22-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2014
-
Agreed & appreciate the review!! :) Jill P.
