"OUT OF THE BLUE"
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "~The Awakening~ part 3"A book of short stories.
17 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
I'm a sucker for this type of dramatic writing. I think it will resonate with a lot of readers.
I found a few things I'd note, if I were you:
I had to finish Henry Tudor with all speed, [Paragraph spacing error.]
there was need not kill the serpent's body,[need not TO? kill ...]
Later, cartloads of cannon arrived, [cartloads of cannonS arrived.]
Why are you using a curlique instead of two dashes (an EM Dash) to separate clauses?]
she scribled something in that book. [she SCRIBBLED something... ]
Very entertaining chapter.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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I'm a sucker for this type of dramatic writing. I think it will resonate with a lot of readers.
I found a few things I'd note, if I were you:
I had to finish Henry Tudor with all speed, [Paragraph spacing error.]
there was need not kill the serpent's body,[need not TO? kill ...]
Later, cartloads of cannon arrived, [cartloads of cannonS arrived.]
Why are you using a curlique instead of two dashes (an EM Dash) to separate clauses?]
she scribled something in that book. [she SCRIBBLED something... ]
Very entertaining chapter.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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Thank you Jay, once again.
I have corrected those editing errors and omissions etc.
The curliques I use to make the writing look creepy. Don't laugh it seemed to work on my own PC. I can't seem to get the same effects on FS with script types etc.
Yes I thought that the topical nature of this story might have attracted more readers. I'm not complaining because the last two parts had just over 20 reviews each. Low by comparison with some, but better than none at all.
The main action is in the next part, I hope you continue to enjoy. Your help as always is appreciated. Regards :) Mel.
Comment from billmetz
I feel that I began in the middle of something that I did not recognize. This started with a little understanding of the "interview" if that was what in intended. But I for some reason got lost. Not sure where Claire came from, perhaps I need to start at the beginning of the story in chapter one.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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I feel that I began in the middle of something that I did not recognize. This started with a little understanding of the "interview" if that was what in intended. But I for some reason got lost. Not sure where Claire came from, perhaps I need to start at the beginning of the story in chapter one.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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Hi billmetz, you have marked me very low. This means that there are serious problems with this story. You are not supposed to mark low just because you have not read the previous parts.
You need to start at part one then decide...
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Is there a way for me to upgrade the rating to a 4? I will get to the first and second parts.
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Hi, yes just go to the box at the bottom of the story and change it there.
The best idea is to read a few reviews, this will give you some idea how we work on Fanstory...
Comment from butterfly4265
Another excellent and entertaining chapter on this very interesting character. I understand that this is a work of fiction but I really like that you are drawing on factual study and research. Cool scene where he had his temper tantrum like a child! I am really enjoying this in-depth analysis of his character. Again, nicely done and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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Another excellent and entertaining chapter on this very interesting character. I understand that this is a work of fiction but I really like that you are drawing on factual study and research. Cool scene where he had his temper tantrum like a child! I am really enjoying this in-depth analysis of his character. Again, nicely done and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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Thank you butterfly4265, for your kind review. I'm so pleased you are enjoying my story about Richard III. And I hope you continue to enjoy. Kind regards :) Mel.
Comment from royowen
I was sincerely entertained by the historical account of Richard and explosive manifestation of him, because I have not previously read on of this series, I was a bit thrown by the "electronic .transfer" I found the whole encounter to be absorbing, the work was well designed and composed, the characterisation was good, the story interesting and readable well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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I was sincerely entertained by the historical account of Richard and explosive manifestation of him, because I have not previously read on of this series, I was a bit thrown by the "electronic .transfer" I found the whole encounter to be absorbing, the work was well designed and composed, the characterisation was good, the story interesting and readable well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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Thank you royowen, for your kind review. To understand my introduction fully I think you would need to read part 1. I'm pleased you enjoyed and hope you visit again. :) Mel.
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Most welcome.
Comment from kittykatnoel
Very interesting chapter/book. You have presented an excellent idea for historical fiction. I felt engaged from beginning to end. I got the feeling that King Richard was a little bit, ummm, "fluffy". He seemed much like a spoiled child, believing that all loved him, and yet quite lacking in self control and Kingly attributes. I look forward to reading the next part. Thank you for sharing your most excellent writing.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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Very interesting chapter/book. You have presented an excellent idea for historical fiction. I felt engaged from beginning to end. I got the feeling that King Richard was a little bit, ummm, "fluffy". He seemed much like a spoiled child, believing that all loved him, and yet quite lacking in self control and Kingly attributes. I look forward to reading the next part. Thank you for sharing your most excellent writing.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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Thank you kittykatnoel, I welcome your feedback. I put the bit in about spoiled child, but there are accounts of him having an out of control temper. And reports to the contrary, of a goodly man. I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my work. :) Mel.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, write hand blue, you did an excellent job with this chapter, telling Richard's tale of the day of battle and the ranting he did about henry, I don't normally like supernatural but you have me caught up in this story. a couple of errors I spotted--in the top part what Richard is speaking--should be I must endure instead of I must enjure. and should be dispatch henry instead of despatch henry.
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reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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this is an excellent write, write hand blue, you did an excellent job with this chapter, telling Richard's tale of the day of battle and the ranting he did about henry, I don't normally like supernatural but you have me caught up in this story. a couple of errors I spotted--in the top part what Richard is speaking--should be I must endure instead of I must enjure. and should be dispatch henry instead of despatch henry.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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Thank you sweetwoodjax, for your much welcomed review. The errors have been corrected. I appreciate that you have read up to date and hope that you continue to enjoy. :) Mel.
Comment from Genya
Another great pat to this amazing story. Even though it is fiction, I still feel I am getting to know this King like I have never seen him before. I wonder how much of Shakespeare's play reflects a true image of King Richard as well. Need to have a read of the play. Love the dialogue and I think you have really got into the part of this character. Look forward to reading the next part. Genya
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reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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Another great pat to this amazing story. Even though it is fiction, I still feel I am getting to know this King like I have never seen him before. I wonder how much of Shakespeare's play reflects a true image of King Richard as well. Need to have a read of the play. Love the dialogue and I think you have really got into the part of this character. Look forward to reading the next part. Genya
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2014
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Thank you Genya, for your kind review. Shakespeare was way off with his physical description of Richard, we know that from the skeleton. We also know that there was a lot of Tudor political 'adjustments' of history. If you look at a live play of Richard III on the net you will see the way he has been portrayed for the last 500 years. Richard was no angel but was he worse than any other King? I wonder. :) Mel.
